Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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@prescott

I’m sorry you’re so unhappy. I hope you’ll be able to find things that bring you happiness.

I take Diltiazen for SVT, and it doesn’t have interactions with my antidepressants. If you can see a psychiatrist, they can help you find meds that can be taken together.

Jim

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I have dealt with depression for most my life, since about 8 yrs old, but didn’t know what it was. Didn’t know what was going on with me, I just felt so different from others. Then in my early 20’s I was told I had depression and it answered some questions for me. However, I still felt that there was more going on. About 4 yrs ago I found a psychologist I really felt comfortable with and learned to trust her. When I was 30 yrs old I had my first child, through raising her I felt that I had some purpose for life. Then I helped her and my son-in-law with raising their two children while they worked and went to school. But after I wasn’t needed on a regular basis I felt lost and that I didn’t have a purpose any longer. I went through withdrawal I believe. I started having more episodes of depression and realized that it was time I started taking care of myself! So I found the psychologist I mentioned before and started working on myself, on my recovery. That is when I was diagnosed with PTSD (complex), chronic depression, and anxiety. I had to look for things to do outside my home to occupy my time & help me feel useful. I worked part-time and I volunteered a lot, still do, and that helps me so much. It gets me out and around people (which was something I really had to work on). I’m retired and I can’t work full-time because of my health, and right now I have only been able to volunteer since I can pretty much set my own schedule. Last year I rescued/adopted a dog & she is a lot of company. She gives me a sense of being needed again, but also unconditional love. I don’t know what I’d do without her now. I can’t say that I’m religious, but I am spiritual. I write poems as one of my coping skills and to get out anger and other feelings that have been bottled up for years. In these poems I always end up talking with God, and feeling blessed to be alive and thankful for all that I have. I know that I have a lot more to work on in my recovery, but I feel I have come so far from where I was even just a few years ago.
After several suicide attempts throughout my life before I had my child, after I had her my life turned around and I finally knew what real love was. I knew that it was God who kept me alive in all my attempts and that it must be for some reason. I felt having her gave me a reason to live, now I believe it is also so that I can help others who have been in similar situations as I have.
Thanks for starting this discussion, and thanks to Mayo Clinic Connect for all the groups. I think this is wonderful to get help and also to hopefully be able to be of help to others.

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@parus

@anniegk I am not so far behind as I am 65. Being a survivor of suicide is tough. My father used an ounce of lead to his head-my mother blamed me in front of others when I was told to go in an comfort her. What more can I say? I know what this type of thing did to me and I would not to do the same to my 3 adult children and then ask myself what difference does it make as I am of little use to them and, yes, depression is a liar. I know the guilt I have carried all of these years and would not want my children to carry this kind of pain even though I think about it and I don’t want to either.

I will agree that depression does worsen with age…

Thank you for sharing. I live alone, but can still drive and walk. Could be worse is what I remind myself often.

I enjoy green and growing things as long as they are not in my frig.

I know the flowers help me and they appreciate all I do for them. I will share some of my smiling faces.

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@parus

I’m thankful to have lots of flowers and bushes and trees. We have 10 acres, and I could develop as much or as little as I want. I keep planting and dividing, finding more places to put things. It’s hard to pass up a good deal on a plant. I didn’t buy any annuals this year. When I looked at the prices, I decided that I have plenty of things around my place, with something blooming from spring until fall. For the past several years, I’ve made big pots of petunias for the patio and deck. After my decision not to spend $$ on annuals, I found that the pots were full of a combination of petunias and snapdragons. Free flowers all summer! I planted a half barrel with snapdragons one year, and they just keep reseeding, in lots of different places.

I could write all afternoon about the yard, but this isn’t a gardening forum, so I’ll just say that my yards are part of my treatment program 5.

Jim

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@parus

@anniegk I am not so far behind as I am 65. Being a survivor of suicide is tough. My father used an ounce of lead to his head-my mother blamed me in front of others when I was told to go in an comfort her. What more can I say? I know what this type of thing did to me and I would not to do the same to my 3 adult children and then ask myself what difference does it make as I am of little use to them and, yes, depression is a liar. I know the guilt I have carried all of these years and would not want my children to carry this kind of pain even though I think about it and I don’t want to either.

I will agree that depression does worsen with age…

Thank you for sharing. I live alone, but can still drive and walk. Could be worse is what I remind myself often.

I enjoy green and growing things as long as they are not in my frig.

I know the flowers help me and they appreciate all I do for them. I will share some of my smiling faces.

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It sounds lovely, Jim. I used to garden a lot, flowers and veggies, canning. Wish I could plant flowers now, but between the lack of funds and my physical limitations, it’s about impossible. Who knows, maybe someday that will change a little and I’ll be able to enjoy again. Your yard must be beautiful. I’m so glad you appreciate them!

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Thank you for this post. It was very helpful to me, and I’m so glad you are making progress in your recovery. Reminding me of the need for purpose, and reaching out to others is a gift you have given me that I greatly appreciate.

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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I think you may have helped me with your various suggestions, which all make sense. It’s hard to push myself to reach out since I am depressed, although helping others is easier. It’s just that big change you mention which is hard. I do, however, believe that seeing a professional can be helpful if you find the right person. As far as support groups, I haven’t fared too well with them … I find them depressing to be honest, rather than helpful. I guess we’re all different. Thanks for your view.

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@parus

@anniegk I am not so far behind as I am 65. Being a survivor of suicide is tough. My father used an ounce of lead to his head-my mother blamed me in front of others when I was told to go in an comfort her. What more can I say? I know what this type of thing did to me and I would not to do the same to my 3 adult children and then ask myself what difference does it make as I am of little use to them and, yes, depression is a liar. I know the guilt I have carried all of these years and would not want my children to carry this kind of pain even though I think about it and I don’t want to either.

I will agree that depression does worsen with age…

Thank you for sharing. I live alone, but can still drive and walk. Could be worse is what I remind myself often.

I enjoy green and growing things as long as they are not in my frig.

I know the flowers help me and they appreciate all I do for them. I will share some of my smiling faces.

Jump to this post

@paracat

I live on very little income. I’m on SS disability. I definitely garden on a budget, focusing on perennials. The flowers self sow, some a bit too vigorously. Creeping Phlox makes a pretty, spreading mat. I keep my eyes out for plants going to seed, and collect them into a baggie and throw them around the perennial beds and out in an area that I decided to let it go natural. I put out seeds of natives and I’m not going to mow it next year. I’ll see what happens.

I like having pots on the patio, but I’m putting succulents in them that spread and grow easily. I have 3 kinds that live outside here in central Oregon, and hens and chicks do well. I’m fairly sure that any gardener would be happy to give you starts. As for pots, lots of things can be used to hold plants-I’ve been pretty creative repurposing.

Look around. I think you’ll find something to plant and tend close at hand. Have fun with it.

Jim

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Well, this is “one of those mornings.” Cyclothymia has a way of sneaking up on me. It’s a less serious version of bi-polar, but boy when it hits, it hits hard I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed, totally filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even write my grocery list. Horrible feeling, but for that there’s at least Clonopin, which I took. I feel some better now, but not totally. That’s how the cyclothymia part works on me – super anxiety. The depression side is not as easy to settle down. I take several meds, and it helps some, but still the D lingers all day or more.
I really hurt for you folks that have full blown bi-polar …. just with this, sometimes I feel like life is just done for me, and I should just “get it over with.” My daughter is coming this morning and we’re going to a local huge plant nursery ….. I hope they’ve gotten their African violets in …. they are a real weakness of mine …. I love them, probably because one of my Grandma’s had them all over her house, and I’d follow her around while she took care of them. I was totally thrilled one time ——— when I was about 15, and she gave me one of her most beautiful deep purple ones. Since then, I’m addicted.
Anyhow, things anxiety-wise seem to be settling down – at least I can legibly write my name – it takes longer for the depression meds to kick in.
Thanks for listening friend,
abby

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@amberpep

Well, this is “one of those mornings.” Cyclothymia has a way of sneaking up on me. It’s a less serious version of bi-polar, but boy when it hits, it hits hard I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed, totally filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even write my grocery list. Horrible feeling, but for that there’s at least Clonopin, which I took. I feel some better now, but not totally. That’s how the cyclothymia part works on me – super anxiety. The depression side is not as easy to settle down. I take several meds, and it helps some, but still the D lingers all day or more.
I really hurt for you folks that have full blown bi-polar …. just with this, sometimes I feel like life is just done for me, and I should just “get it over with.” My daughter is coming this morning and we’re going to a local huge plant nursery ….. I hope they’ve gotten their African violets in …. they are a real weakness of mine …. I love them, probably because one of my Grandma’s had them all over her house, and I’d follow her around while she took care of them. I was totally thrilled one time ——— when I was about 15, and she gave me one of her most beautiful deep purple ones. Since then, I’m addicted.
Anyhow, things anxiety-wise seem to be settling down – at least I can legibly write my name – it takes longer for the depression meds to kick in.
Thanks for listening friend,
abby

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@amberpep Hi Abby:

I appreciate your honest approach to your day. I’m glad that you can get out and look for some African violets. I love them too! You must have great success in keeping them strong and healthy. Do you have any advice for the rest of us without a green thumb?

Teresa

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@amberpep

Well, this is “one of those mornings.” Cyclothymia has a way of sneaking up on me. It’s a less serious version of bi-polar, but boy when it hits, it hits hard I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed, totally filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even write my grocery list. Horrible feeling, but for that there’s at least Clonopin, which I took. I feel some better now, but not totally. That’s how the cyclothymia part works on me – super anxiety. The depression side is not as easy to settle down. I take several meds, and it helps some, but still the D lingers all day or more.
I really hurt for you folks that have full blown bi-polar …. just with this, sometimes I feel like life is just done for me, and I should just “get it over with.” My daughter is coming this morning and we’re going to a local huge plant nursery ….. I hope they’ve gotten their African violets in …. they are a real weakness of mine …. I love them, probably because one of my Grandma’s had them all over her house, and I’d follow her around while she took care of them. I was totally thrilled one time ——— when I was about 15, and she gave me one of her most beautiful deep purple ones. Since then, I’m addicted.
Anyhow, things anxiety-wise seem to be settling down – at least I can legibly write my name – it takes longer for the depression meds to kick in.
Thanks for listening friend,
abby

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@amberpep

Abby, thanks for describing what you’re feeling. A psychiatrist diagnosed me with depressive bipolar, but I’ve never really known just what that meant. I think that it means that my highs aren’t as high as regular bipolar. I don’t remember when I last had that kind of feeling.

My mother loved her African violets. She had a window with a good orientation for them. I gave up on them years ago, as I couldn’t get them to bloom. I tend to like plants that can survive benign neglect.

Jim

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@amberpep

Well, this is “one of those mornings.” Cyclothymia has a way of sneaking up on me. It’s a less serious version of bi-polar, but boy when it hits, it hits hard I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed, totally filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even write my grocery list. Horrible feeling, but for that there’s at least Clonopin, which I took. I feel some better now, but not totally. That’s how the cyclothymia part works on me – super anxiety. The depression side is not as easy to settle down. I take several meds, and it helps some, but still the D lingers all day or more.
I really hurt for you folks that have full blown bi-polar …. just with this, sometimes I feel like life is just done for me, and I should just “get it over with.” My daughter is coming this morning and we’re going to a local huge plant nursery ….. I hope they’ve gotten their African violets in …. they are a real weakness of mine …. I love them, probably because one of my Grandma’s had them all over her house, and I’d follow her around while she took care of them. I was totally thrilled one time ——— when I was about 15, and she gave me one of her most beautiful deep purple ones. Since then, I’m addicted.
Anyhow, things anxiety-wise seem to be settling down – at least I can legibly write my name – it takes longer for the depression meds to kick in.
Thanks for listening friend,
abby

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Hi Teresa …. all I can tell you is what my Grandma told me ….. they don’t like wet feet! They prefer an East or West window, water from the bottom once, maybe 2x a week depending on how dry your house is, and if it begins to look droopy and the soil is wet, take it out of the pot and let it air out for a day or so or you’ll have root rot. And they like to be fed every 2 months with an A.F. food.
abby

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@amberpep

Well, this is “one of those mornings.” Cyclothymia has a way of sneaking up on me. It’s a less serious version of bi-polar, but boy when it hits, it hits hard I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed, totally filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even write my grocery list. Horrible feeling, but for that there’s at least Clonopin, which I took. I feel some better now, but not totally. That’s how the cyclothymia part works on me – super anxiety. The depression side is not as easy to settle down. I take several meds, and it helps some, but still the D lingers all day or more.
I really hurt for you folks that have full blown bi-polar …. just with this, sometimes I feel like life is just done for me, and I should just “get it over with.” My daughter is coming this morning and we’re going to a local huge plant nursery ….. I hope they’ve gotten their African violets in …. they are a real weakness of mine …. I love them, probably because one of my Grandma’s had them all over her house, and I’d follow her around while she took care of them. I was totally thrilled one time ——— when I was about 15, and she gave me one of her most beautiful deep purple ones. Since then, I’m addicted.
Anyhow, things anxiety-wise seem to be settling down – at least I can legibly write my name – it takes longer for the depression meds to kick in.
Thanks for listening friend,
abby

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Thanks, Abby @amberpep

I may just look for an African Violet and give it a try. Did you find any today on your shopping trip?

Teresa

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Happy to see this thread about NAMI. I agree, the support groups & educational classes are very helpful. I am involved in my local affiliate.
@sharlynn62 I am sorry that your Connection group is not running. I would like to suggest to let them know again that you are interested. Look at it as another step in your recovery to be assertive. I say this because I have to remind myself to be more assertive too. You never know, when you shared that you were interested in leading before, they might not have been in a good place themselves & possibly not thought about it really. Or perhaps they might not have thought you were really serious…I don’t know. But anyway, it’s worth another try. Good luck and I hope more become interested in having the Connection support group as well, or maybe recruit members? Just a thought. I just saw that your posted this in April, sorry. I hope things are different by now and you are doing well. Mags

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I can relate to you, as you get older, my depression, long term gets harder. I would only see my docter every six months. My chronic fibromyalgia, SAD, and I can’t rule out genetic. A horrible tragedy, my 49 yr. daughter took her life almost seven years, will be in December, fractured our family. My oldest son is in nursing home with bipolar, and med induced kidney damage, and diabetes. So my family really is really limited, other son lives out of town, and we don’t see him, he has a daughter with a learning disability, his wife is a lovely person, coping with Crohn, and other daughter now. He didn’t get therapy when he lost his sister, and drinking became a problem. I see him once or twice a year. His plate is full.

This past year my fatigue and anxiety is a huge problem. I have an excellent psychiatrist but had to change anti-depressant and any anti-anxiety med doesn’t agree with me. It has been a difficult journey when you lose a child, in this manner you never do get back to your former self.

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@french

I appreciate your sharing your story with us. It sounds like you are making the best of your situation. I am so sorry to hear of your daughter’s suicide, how very difficult for your entire family.

I hope that you have found some support, that is really important when you can’t be close to your family for one reason or the other. Do you have any friends or support through your church or community? Have you ever attended a grief support group?

Teresa

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