Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

@liz223

Haven’t posted in awhile and I’m sorry. I’ve been feeling so much better. The doctor took me off one of my blood pressure meds because I felt so tired and I have had a little more energy, but the greatest result is I’m not depressed right now. Go figure. I go back in next week for a follow-up and maybe some fine tuning. Of course I’m not running any races, but I’m 85 and didn’t expect to feel 20 again. LOL Also we’re planning to sell our home and move into a retirement community which is exciting to me. We have no family close by and feel this will be a wise choice. Of course, we hate to leave our home, but there are stages to life and we take it one stage at a time.

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@liz223 I’m glad to hear that you are feeling better, that is good! Best wishes as you sell your home and move into a retirement community, it is a big step but you are wise to think of it as “one stage at a time.” Teresa

Liked by johnhans

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@kanaazpereira

Hello @gracemary,

I’d like to welcome you to Connect, and before anything else, let you know that you are not alone as you will see from the community here.
I’m tagging @tabi @amberpep @pamelacelia @georgette12 @dott @piglit @bettyann @athome @roxie43 @callalily74 @guener @lesbatts @iamkaren @quazar, who I’m certain will join in to share their stories and experiences with you.

I would also encourage you to look at some other discussions in Mental Health:

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms
http://mayocl.in/2dcJB7p
Depression — Let’s snap out of expecting to snap out of it
http://mayocl.in/2i59kQf
Is counseling helpful?
http://mayocl.in/2g37guy
No matter how you experience it, depression is different for each person. Absolutely nobody wants to feel abandoned or lonely.
@gracemary, while we wait together for others to join in, what about starting with something really simple like coming to post on Connect once a day. You can say whatever you want. You can vent or tell us what the weather is doing outside your window. What do you think?

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@johnhans Thanks for your encouraging words! I’m glad that you are doing better now. Teresa

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Would that I had the answer…

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I am replying to Annie P. who wrote in March 2017. I just now read your post, so maybe things have changed since then.
I am going to be turning 55 this year and I too have extreme hopelessness regarding my future. I have several chronic physical problems that are a barrier to doing things (I can’t walk very far, I’m in pain every day, I can’t stand for long, etc.) and I have tried so many different medical procedures, etc. that haven’t helped. I’m now trying acupuncture.

I am currently unemployed except for a consulting job here and there. I have worked all my life; it has been my life and I can’t get past the fact that I’m not able to work and do what I want to do. I do a lot of volunteering, but it’s just not the same thing. seems like there’s barrier after barrier and a lot of disappointment. Are you still working? Does that give you any sense of purpose, which I always felt was a real boost to manage my depression. I working in the helping profession, and helping people makes me feel worthwhile. This is what I’m doing in my volunteer work. I would recommend trying something that involves helping others and try to make it a point to remind yourself how important you are to the people you’re helping. What do you think?

I won’t go into detail because I’ve said so much already, but just know that you’re not the only one who can’t find people out there who really care. It seems everyone is so caught up in their own lives…It’s hard when you don’t have much of a life (that’s me). I do go to a center for persons with mental health challenges and meet with someone there who also has bipolar disorder, depressed type and she and I can really relate. I find that if you can find someone else who is or has experienced what you are, it is extremely helpful. There is a group called DBSA, Depression Bipolar Support Alliance, that has meetings in the community. You might want to check them out.

I do feel your pain. I hope that maybe I have said something that will be helpful to you.
Take care and know that there are people that really do care; it’s just hard as heck to find them!

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@sharlynn62 Truly hope the person doing acupuncture is legit and you have checked into the person doing this-waaaay to many that are not worthy of performing and will even do things w/ their needles to cause harm to keep you coming back…my apologies if I have burst your bubble…do your homework and beware those bragging about themselves…

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@sharlynn62, i think your ideas of volunteering are very good. While i was still working, i wanted to do volunteering after i retired. Well, im not working anymore because i had to go off on disability. I now have multiple medical problems and nothing is the way i thought it would be. Im divorced from my husband of almost 30 yrs. plus i have severe depression, and had a heart attack last September. Some days i cant even get off the couch. And i hate, absolutely loathe taking a shower. Everything seems so useless and un-necessary. I feel, what’s the point? I have no friends, i never go anywhere. My husband dropped me off at my kids apartment then dropped off all my belongings on the front porch. This is not what he said he would do. I was furious. I needed them in storage that i had rented. Well, i lost my temper and marched out to his car and slapped him in the face as hard as i could. He left and i broke down crying like i had just lost my best friend. Within an hour or two the cops were at my house to arrest me for assault. I spent the night in jail. What an experience. Then he put a restraining order against me that lasted a year. That’s the day my depression started in earnest. The year was 2013 and it’s still going strong. I dont know why i bent your ear like this. I dont think anyone else on here knows I’ve been arrested. Not my proudest moment. Good luck with whatever you choose to do and God bless.
Judy

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@sharlynn62

I am replying to Annie P. who wrote in March 2017. I just now read your post, so maybe things have changed since then.
I am going to be turning 55 this year and I too have extreme hopelessness regarding my future. I have several chronic physical problems that are a barrier to doing things (I can’t walk very far, I’m in pain every day, I can’t stand for long, etc.) and I have tried so many different medical procedures, etc. that haven’t helped. I’m now trying acupuncture.

I am currently unemployed except for a consulting job here and there. I have worked all my life; it has been my life and I can’t get past the fact that I’m not able to work and do what I want to do. I do a lot of volunteering, but it’s just not the same thing. seems like there’s barrier after barrier and a lot of disappointment. Are you still working? Does that give you any sense of purpose, which I always felt was a real boost to manage my depression. I working in the helping profession, and helping people makes me feel worthwhile. This is what I’m doing in my volunteer work. I would recommend trying something that involves helping others and try to make it a point to remind yourself how important you are to the people you’re helping. What do you think?

I won’t go into detail because I’ve said so much already, but just know that you’re not the only one who can’t find people out there who really care. It seems everyone is so caught up in their own lives…It’s hard when you don’t have much of a life (that’s me). I do go to a center for persons with mental health challenges and meet with someone there who also has bipolar disorder, depressed type and she and I can really relate. I find that if you can find someone else who is or has experienced what you are, it is extremely helpful. There is a group called DBSA, Depression Bipolar Support Alliance, that has meetings in the community. You might want to check them out.

I do feel your pain. I hope that maybe I have said something that will be helpful to you.
Take care and know that there are people that really do care; it’s just hard as heck to find them!

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@sharlynn62 Thanks for sharing your story and for letting our Members know about DBSA, Depression Bipolar Support Alliance. I have not heard of that before. Please share, if you will, how this group has helped you. Do they have educational meetings? Support groups? Teresa

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@danybegood1

@sharlynn62, i think your ideas of volunteering are very good. While i was still working, i wanted to do volunteering after i retired. Well, im not working anymore because i had to go off on disability. I now have multiple medical problems and nothing is the way i thought it would be. Im divorced from my husband of almost 30 yrs. plus i have severe depression, and had a heart attack last September. Some days i cant even get off the couch. And i hate, absolutely loathe taking a shower. Everything seems so useless and un-necessary. I feel, what’s the point? I have no friends, i never go anywhere. My husband dropped me off at my kids apartment then dropped off all my belongings on the front porch. This is not what he said he would do. I was furious. I needed them in storage that i had rented. Well, i lost my temper and marched out to his car and slapped him in the face as hard as i could. He left and i broke down crying like i had just lost my best friend. Within an hour or two the cops were at my house to arrest me for assault. I spent the night in jail. What an experience. Then he put a restraining order against me that lasted a year. That’s the day my depression started in earnest. The year was 2013 and it’s still going strong. I dont know why i bent your ear like this. I dont think anyone else on here knows I’ve been arrested. Not my proudest moment. Good luck with whatever you choose to do and God bless.
Judy

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@danybegood1: I wish I could give you a hug. I can relate to a lot of what you’ve shared. I’ve been retired for 2 years and nothing is the way I thought it would be either. I, too, had planned on volunteering. Since I retired earlier than I expected because of health issues and office politics (after working there for 16 years!), I then thought I would work part-time since Social Security doesn’t cover my bills. Unfortunately, at my age, I seem to be “unhireable.” Sorry to run on … what I meant to convey is that physically, mentally and financially, I’m at a loss. I understand your hopelessness. You have had such major stressors in recent years, it’s no wonder your depression is hanging around. Have you tried counseling or medication? Four years ago, I saw a psychologist who was amazing and managed to help me pull out of a hole of depression and anxiety at that time. I hope to start seeing her again when my insurance changes. I feel for you and hope you are able to find help with your depression. Mindfulness was a concept that my psychologist introduced me to, and it helps one to live on day at a time — not in the past or the future. I truly hope you feel better soon, one step at a time. Be well and take good care of yourself.

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Having treatment resistant depression leaves doing okay in my park as my depression is cognitive…there are days that finding a positive thought is so hard. my empathy for others…I cannot do to my own children as my father did and I am not angry w/ him as I do understand his choice.

My newest friend to my “secret garden”. a lover of nature and the wild ones. Mankind is destroying what I love…can’t change it, can’t fix it.

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@parus I appreciate your words but also your pictures! Where “words fail” pictures often tell a story and your photo is a lovely one. I suspect that your favorite photos or pictures are probably of nature, is that right? Teresa

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@parus

Having treatment resistant depression leaves doing okay in my park as my depression is cognitive…there are days that finding a positive thought is so hard. my empathy for others…I cannot do to my own children as my father did and I am not angry w/ him as I do understand his choice.

My newest friend to my “secret garden”. a lover of nature and the wild ones. Mankind is destroying what I love…can’t change it, can’t fix it.

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Good morning @parus Good to see that new visitor to your garden! I am in northern Minnesota and enjoy both the local frogs and this year especially a TON of toads in the evenings! I have found our woods to be an entirely different place when I go out in the evenings after sundown with a flashlight to check out the local denizens! It is calming and a nice change of pace — as long as I remember to put on my mosquito repellant that is! The other night I got to see a magnificent buck white tail deer pass by and hear our local barred owl.

I agree there are some days finding something positive is tough, but my daughter and I have come up with an interesting way to fight this. Each morning we begin our day exchanging a brief email in which we must find three things from our day before that made us ‘happy’ — and often happy is defined by something that just made one of us smile — or maybe not frown. It could be the morning sun lighting up some leaves, maybe seeing that froggy friend of yours, or just hearing a pretty bird. Sometimes it may be a sentence from a book or how good my peanut butter toast tasted in the morning. We are on year five of this and we found those three each and every day — even the day her mom and my wife died — and that was the worst day of our lives.

Keep on keeping on! I must say you are resistant to your depression as you continue to fight it — and we all know it is no easy battle!

Love your ‘secret garden’ name! One of my favorite musicals and I play the soundtrack often.

Do you have any other visitors to your garden?

Strength, Peace, & Courage

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@parus

try again on adding photo of my friend…

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Love your friend @parus and your secret garden! Here’s one of my friends – Oreo keeps me company while working on the computer, watching TV and lets me know when her food dish is empty. Keep searching for some happy thoughts. Here’s a video by Dr. Amit Sood that hopefully will put a smile on your face – it’s from http://stressfree.org. There are more short videos you may want to watch on his site but this one always brings a smile to my face.

John

Oreo

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@parus

try again on adding photo of my friend…

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okay a feline that reminds me of a chessboard. Thanks for the youtube thing even though I for so long heard that tune the melody turns me sour…can appreciate the humor though from my perspective as that guy in the tall hats…this type of thing rather falls into the oldie “Don’t Worry Be Hapjohn
py”.

Not a personal slam-now back to the chessboard feline…no one I know has ever played chess and Skipbo is the rage or UNO both of which bore me to a rage. I will stay w/ nature and my friends that require little more than a hospitable habitat and some drinks of water when needed…I do very much my Rottweilers…gentle giants and so good w/ my now adult children.

holding the fort w/ grand dogs whilst son and family are on mini vacation. nice to know I can still be of use at times.

chronic pain has caused treatment resistant depression to be waaay too much on the dark side…at least I am aware of such…thanks @johnbishop

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@hopeful33250

@parus I appreciate your words but also your pictures! Where “words fail” pictures often tell a story and your photo is a lovely one. I suspect that your favorite photos or pictures are probably of nature, is that right? Teresa

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Nature is my link to reality.

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