Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

@parus – and a good one at that! Teresa

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@hopeful33250

@parus I appreciate your words but also your pictures! Where “words fail” pictures often tell a story and your photo is a lovely one. I suspect that your favorite photos or pictures are probably of nature, is that right? Teresa

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Nature is a refuge for me also. Although it’s mostly taking photos through my computer room window of the little critters. Felt really bad for this squirrel with a botfly tumor on his neck…never thought I would feel bad for a squirrel, have so many of them running around the yard.

IMG_0385

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@hopeful33250

@parus I appreciate your words but also your pictures! Where “words fail” pictures often tell a story and your photo is a lovely one. I suspect that your favorite photos or pictures are probably of nature, is that right? Teresa

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I am not a fan of the bushy-tailed rodents-yet if I see one suffering I do feel sad. I was aggressively attacked by one early one morning and this concerned me as squirrels are not typically aggressive-rabies? Nope, someone was feeding them fruitloops-sugar withdrawal. Now, this in my opinion is cruel…I realize they are cute…going to feed them feed them something healthy and does not turn them into aggressive beasts-any wonder children behave aggressively when they do not get their sugar?

Long term, treatment resistant depression is a challenge, add chronic pain to the mix and there are many having a hard time getting the help they need. Once one has a diagnosis in the mental health system it is difficult to get any MD to take a physical diagnosis seriously. Trying to navigate the hoops is becoming overwhelming and being old certainly does not help.

Not one given to self-pity and always an active person-I oft do wonder what else there is to offer anyone…I have 5 grand children and want to spend time w/ them…just cannot do so.

I am thankful as I am still ambulatory and can still drive even though there are times I just cannot and trying to plan for anything is difficult as I don’t know from one day to the next when my physical body will be cooperative…this exacerbates the depression and it becomes an endless cycle of trying resulting in times I don’t want to even try…there are days I do not.

I oft do wonder is there any purpose left? Yet, I am far better off than many and I endeavor to be thankful. I would much rather be working.

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@hopeful33250

@parus I appreciate your words but also your pictures! Where “words fail” pictures often tell a story and your photo is a lovely one. I suspect that your favorite photos or pictures are probably of nature, is that right? Teresa

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@parus You express your feelings/thoughts very well in spite of depression – my guess is that you might have been an English teacher at one time or perhaps an avid reader, at least. I appreciate your sharing. Aging does tend to add to the difficulties we encounter and does make it hard, although not impossible, to work towards a better life. Teresa

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@hopeful33250

@parus I appreciate your words but also your pictures! Where “words fail” pictures often tell a story and your photo is a lovely one. I suspect that your favorite photos or pictures are probably of nature, is that right? Teresa

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I do have non-feline and -rodent “window” buddies too. Some of them even give me the look. ☺

2016December - cardinal

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Iam a 71 year old woman with depression and panic/anxiety. When your children are grown and gone, you began to wonder what your purpose is. When my mother died in 2009, i lost my purpose which was taking care of her. That is when i sunk into my 2nd depression. 8 years later, iam now in a depression/ anxiety again. You are not alone.

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Hi Annie …. like you, I am a 72 year old woman, 3 grown independent children, and I’m divorced. I have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a teen, but of course I didn’t realize why I felt “different” from everyone else. Well, I am now moving to an apartment closer to my kids (my 2 daughters – my son is about 3 hours away). They are SO excited …. I’m OK …. it’s better than where I am now. Before in MD I had my own condo, was totally independent, came and went as I pleased and felt like a real person ….. now that I’m here – not so much. I have been in therapy for 20 years (horrible history), and see a psychiatrist every 2 months for medications. Even with all that, I find no reason to be alive. Now don’t misunderstand me, I love my family, I’m very healthy except for a TKR about 3 years ago, so I should be grateful ….. so why can’t I see that ….. why do I always think about death and dying? I truly feel that God put me on this earth to break the family cycles of alcoholism, physical and sexual abuse, and adultery. So, for that I’m thankful as I did, but now what? I don’t know. Everyone says “get out there, get a job, blah, blah, blah,” and I probably will look for a part time job once I get into my new apt. I just don’t feel there’s any reason for me to be around anymore. You’re not alone my friend …… I’ll pray for you, and for myself as well.
abby

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This is my third depression in the last 19 years. This round is definitely the worst. I have been battling depression and terrible Anxiety for almost 10 months. Some one told me along the way that it gets worse the older you get. I really hope i can get through this one. At the age of 71 it is scary. Iam lucky as i have my husband, daughter, and grandaughter close to me. I feel bad because i have so much to be thankful for and this depression and anxiety just drags me down. I also have trouble tolerating some of the drugs that would really help me. One of my antidepressants i have been on for 9 years. Its not working like it should and it use to really work good. I find i also think alot about death and dying too. My best friend killed herself and i felt terrible because i couldnt stop her. I could never put my family through that but sometimes you just think about it. Than another thing i think about is what if you screwed up your attempt to take your life, and you ended up a half living person that everyone had to take care of. That scares me too. Its nice to talk to someone my age.

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@anniegk I am not so far behind as I am 65. Being a survivor of suicide is tough. My father used an ounce of lead to his head-my mother blamed me in front of others when I was told to go in an comfort her. What more can I say? I know what this type of thing did to me and I would not to do the same to my 3 adult children and then ask myself what difference does it make as I am of little use to them and, yes, depression is a liar. I know the guilt I have carried all of these years and would not want my children to carry this kind of pain even though I think about it and I don’t want to either.

I will agree that depression does worsen with age…

Thank you for sharing. I live alone, but can still drive and walk. Could be worse is what I remind myself often.

I enjoy green and growing things as long as they are not in my frig.

I know the flowers help me and they appreciate all I do for them. I will share some of my smiling faces.

Day Lily with Friends

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@parus I am so sorry that you were ever made to feel responsible for your father’s choices, that was not at all fair nor correct. Your picture is lovely, thanks for sharing some beauty with us all!
Teresa

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@anniegk

This is my third depression in the last 19 years. This round is definitely the worst. I have been battling depression and terrible Anxiety for almost 10 months. Some one told me along the way that it gets worse the older you get. I really hope i can get through this one. At the age of 71 it is scary. Iam lucky as i have my husband, daughter, and grandaughter close to me. I feel bad because i have so much to be thankful for and this depression and anxiety just drags me down. I also have trouble tolerating some of the drugs that would really help me. One of my antidepressants i have been on for 9 years. Its not working like it should and it use to really work good. I find i also think alot about death and dying too. My best friend killed herself and i felt terrible because i couldnt stop her. I could never put my family through that but sometimes you just think about it. Than another thing i think about is what if you screwed up your attempt to take your life, and you ended up a half living person that everyone had to take care of. That scares me too. Its nice to talk to someone my age.

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I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have had clinical depression and high anxiety for years and have been on medication. All antidepressants don’t work or they need to be changed over time. Discuss this with your doctor. A religious person may also help with regard to your issues with suicide, but you MUST get treatment. I have felt like you last year and it went on for 8 mos. I also thought of death and dying. Unfortunately, I have other medical issues and it’s hard to balance them all. Also, I’m 71 and single with no children or close by relatives. If you have a good friend who really cares it might help. Have you gone to psychotherapy? I know that can work and I plan to go back. You need to talk to someone and family sometimes aren’t the best choice.

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@hopeful33250

@parus I am so sorry that you were ever made to feel responsible for your father’s choices, that was not at all fair nor correct. Your picture is lovely, thanks for sharing some beauty with us all!
Teresa

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I agree with Teresa that you had to carry that burden all your life. I, too, love flowers but can’t garden because of my knees so I buy myself a nice bouquet every now and then.
Jane

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@shoregal, i w just like to get a potting bench but it sounds like too much of an expense to buy on my own decision. I live with my grown kids. Im sorry to hear about everyone’s depression. I too have been depressed since 2006 when my divorce went through. I didnt want it. Anyway, we just need to hang on and hope for something good. Love, Judy (Dany) hi everyone

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@hopeful33250

@parus I am so sorry that you were ever made to feel responsible for your father’s choices, that was not at all fair nor correct. Your picture is lovely, thanks for sharing some beauty with us all!
Teresa

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@shoregal45 I don’t do much gardening anymore, but still have some and they pretty much take care of themselves along w/ some TLC. Understand the knee thing. All we can do is keep trying when we can.

Some more happy faces from my little secret garden-a tribute to my father.

Hodge Podge

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