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anniep
@anniep

Posts: 7
Joined: Mar 08, 2017

Long-term depression

Posted by @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

REPLY

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Liked by paracat, Majic, Lorraine

Old age is definitely not easy. I’m 85 and was diagnosed many years ago as manic/depressive. I do have to struggle against depression, but I have learned what works best for me is making others happy, even for a few minutes. I do the website for our church and do an online prayer request. I go to the fitness center, to the local Subway most days for lunch and know most of the employees in the grocery store. I have a dog and two parrots. I believe pets give us so much love and offer us an opportunity to love in return. I have a Facebook page. BTW, I’m married, have one married son, no grandchildren and lost one son. I’m exhausted often also, but I try to do a little and rest a little. We can’t just give up. Life is a precious gift.

@liz223

Old age is definitely not easy. I’m 85 and was diagnosed many years ago as manic/depressive. I do have to struggle against depression, but I have learned what works best for me is making others happy, even for a few minutes. I do the website for our church and do an online prayer request. I go to the fitness center, to the local Subway most days for lunch and know most of the employees in the grocery store. I have a dog and two parrots. I believe pets give us so much love and offer us an opportunity to love in return. I have a Facebook page. BTW, I’m married, have one married son, no grandchildren and lost one son. I’m exhausted often also, but I try to do a little and rest a little. We can’t just give up. Life is a precious gift.

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@liz223 I just love your attitude! Thanks for the great example of how to live life well in spite of problems. I’m sure you have inspired people in your life and on Mayo Connect! Teresa

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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Hello Annie, I hear your pain, and I feel badly for you having to live with depression. I do not suffer from it, but was raised by a mother who was severely depressed and have a daughter who is bi-polar. I am familiar with the extreme despair that you feel. I feel that Liz may be onto something. Helping others helps her to feel better. My daughter is always more cheerful when helping other people. I know it can be extremely difficult to do most of the time; but perhaps try to get into a helping situation when you are not too depressed. And then, once in it, maybe it can keep you more jazzed about life. Hopefully, having more purpose will help. Maybe keep trying different drug combinations until something works. I pray that you find relief. Big Hug -Terri M.

@liz223

Old age is definitely not easy. I’m 85 and was diagnosed many years ago as manic/depressive. I do have to struggle against depression, but I have learned what works best for me is making others happy, even for a few minutes. I do the website for our church and do an online prayer request. I go to the fitness center, to the local Subway most days for lunch and know most of the employees in the grocery store. I have a dog and two parrots. I believe pets give us so much love and offer us an opportunity to love in return. I have a Facebook page. BTW, I’m married, have one married son, no grandchildren and lost one son. I’m exhausted often also, but I try to do a little and rest a little. We can’t just give up. Life is a precious gift.

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Thank you.  I know it’s not easy when you feel down to reach out, but I promise it works.  We never know what a smile given to someone might do for them, but you’ll soon find out it helps us most of all. 

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Jump to this post

Unfortunately I have been that person who has offered my services as needed. Very seldom I would get a call for some task that was needed. Now that I am a 24/7 caregiver for my husband (dementia), I realize that I don’t call because i don’t know what people have to offer me. It would be helpful if an offer was made expressing what can be offered. For example, “I bake cookies, every week, what is your favorite kind and I’ll bring you some”;. or, “I have the car every Wednesday and I can drive you for errands, grocery shopping. Or if you would like, we can go somewhere for lunch”. “Please call and let me know what you need. Here is my phone number” ,

The reverse is also true. You should feel free to call one of these people when you need something. The offer to help is sincere, but what you need is not know. Call someone and see if you haven’t found a new friend. 🙂

May God bless you and heal you! Here’s a hug for you!

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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You are absolutely right. “Call me if you need anything” sounds hollow,
although the people that say it, generally mean it. They would help if asked. I
have read on some cancer sites that it is better to proffer something up front
instead of waiting to be asked when you want to be helpful. God bless you for
being the caregiver to your husband. Dementia, I think is the hardest thing
to deal with. If you lived up the street from me, I’d come over and relieve you
for a spell, or bring your favorite cookies!  Hugs -Terri M.
 

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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Just to add an example. When my daughter was fatally sick I turned down offers for food as I lacked appetite. When my friend showed up carrying a pizza, I ate for the first time. At first I didnt want to hurt her feelings, but after a few bites I was eating again. It helps to be proactive and assume what we may do.Also, when I was able to go home for a weekend, neighbors took it upon themselves to clean my house, and heat it so it was warm when I arrived. Still, if others dont do these things, dont be afraid to assign people things you think of. After all, they did ask.

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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@kathyannyarborough What a great friend you have! I’m sure that you appreciated her insight into knowing what you needed even before you did. I have a friend who loves to make homemade soup and I’ve been the recipient of lots of great soups. It has made me realized the importance of doing this for others so that I can “pay it forward.” Teresa

Liked by paracat

@liz223 Yes, even small efforts can make a BIG difference in someone’s life. Thanks for that great reminder! Teresa

Like @deev, I am the one people call for a ride to the doctor’s office or medical treatments, etc., and I really don’t mind doing anything for anyone, but it seems I have become the “go to” person for everyone, leaving me little time for my own work. I cannot seem to accomplish anything at home, then people call me lazy. It also appears I am the only church member who can “cook and deliver” (not true), as I am called on more often than others. Once I was requested to deliver a meal to a family and the caretaker family member who were all sick. I arrived as requested, about 4:30 p.m., only to find the “ill” caretaker had been shopping all day, returned home to drop off another family member, and had gone back out to finish shopping. Not too ill, was she? (I’m not physically able to shop all day!) There is a limit to how much one person can do, and frankly, I’m tired of being the one everyone calls when I am already exhausted, with my own work, house, and yard being left in a mess. (My illnesses are not visible; “But you look fine!.”) I appreciate all the uplifting comments from the people on this site, but there were no concrete suggestions I don’t already use. I am retired, but very active, do volunteer work in several areas, still do my own gardening and other work, etc. I am married, but unfortunately, to one who never matured. I did not realize he was searching for a housekeeper/mother figure before we married. As far as I am concerned the marriage has been over for many years, but he simply doesn’t see anything wrong with me carrying all the load. I am completely alone, but stuck financially and health wise. I can’t ask for counseling from my pastor, as he is only 35 years old and already knows all the answers! Honestly, he has no clue, and paying a counselor is out of the question. Our Employee Assistance Program has advised me they work with only one marriage counselor in our metropolis sized city. Seems to me that is an excuse to prevent employees and their families from using the EAP program. All of these dead ends is one thing causing the depression. I am thankful the Mayo Clinic Mental Health site popped up by accident and hope to find answers and assistance soon. A great deal of the depression is caused by side effects of some my illnesses, which are supposedly being treated, but have not improved. I do appreciate everyone who left a message of encouragement.

@anniep

Like @deev, I am the one people call for a ride to the doctor’s office or medical treatments, etc., and I really don’t mind doing anything for anyone, but it seems I have become the “go to” person for everyone, leaving me little time for my own work. I cannot seem to accomplish anything at home, then people call me lazy. It also appears I am the only church member who can “cook and deliver” (not true), as I am called on more often than others. Once I was requested to deliver a meal to a family and the caretaker family member who were all sick. I arrived as requested, about 4:30 p.m., only to find the “ill” caretaker had been shopping all day, returned home to drop off another family member, and had gone back out to finish shopping. Not too ill, was she? (I’m not physically able to shop all day!) There is a limit to how much one person can do, and frankly, I’m tired of being the one everyone calls when I am already exhausted, with my own work, house, and yard being left in a mess. (My illnesses are not visible; “But you look fine!.”) I appreciate all the uplifting comments from the people on this site, but there were no concrete suggestions I don’t already use. I am retired, but very active, do volunteer work in several areas, still do my own gardening and other work, etc. I am married, but unfortunately, to one who never matured. I did not realize he was searching for a housekeeper/mother figure before we married. As far as I am concerned the marriage has been over for many years, but he simply doesn’t see anything wrong with me carrying all the load. I am completely alone, but stuck financially and health wise. I can’t ask for counseling from my pastor, as he is only 35 years old and already knows all the answers! Honestly, he has no clue, and paying a counselor is out of the question. Our Employee Assistance Program has advised me they work with only one marriage counselor in our metropolis sized city. Seems to me that is an excuse to prevent employees and their families from using the EAP program. All of these dead ends is one thing causing the depression. I am thankful the Mayo Clinic Mental Health site popped up by accident and hope to find answers and assistance soon. A great deal of the depression is caused by side effects of some my illnesses, which are supposedly being treated, but have not improved. I do appreciate everyone who left a message of encouragement.

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Oh my gosh! You are definitely being taken advantage of! Try organizing a group to share helping with others needs. If no one is willing to help you, let some who ask know you are already maxed that day and will be unable to help this time. You should not feel guilty, and perhaps someone unexpected will come forward to give you some relief. If I had showed up and the “sick” person was shopping, I probably would have said I must have misunderstood and I will take the food to someone else (your family). If you continue to let others take advantage of you, they will never stop. PLEASE take care of yourself. Keep sharing on this site and you will find that many will have ideas and suggestions for you. Work on finding the strength to stand up for yourself. I’m working on this very thing myself.

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children…I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey….Sharon

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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Wish I could take you up on that offer. You’re the greatest! God bless you!

@sharlynn62 Hi Sharon: I like your phrase, “On the recovery journey.” It is a journey isn’t it? Sometimes the journey seems like a long one, therefore it’s important to have good people to share the journey with. Best wishes to you! Teresa

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