Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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Old age is definitely not easy. I’m 85 and was diagnosed many years ago as manic/depressive. I do have to struggle against depression, but I have learned what works best for me is making others happy, even for a few minutes. I do the website for our church and do an online prayer request. I go to the fitness center, to the local Subway most days for lunch and know most of the employees in the grocery store. I have a dog and two parrots. I believe pets give us so much love and offer us an opportunity to love in return. I have a Facebook page. BTW, I’m married, have one married son, no grandchildren and lost one son. I’m exhausted often also, but I try to do a little and rest a little. We can’t just give up. Life is a precious gift.

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@liz223

Old age is definitely not easy. I’m 85 and was diagnosed many years ago as manic/depressive. I do have to struggle against depression, but I have learned what works best for me is making others happy, even for a few minutes. I do the website for our church and do an online prayer request. I go to the fitness center, to the local Subway most days for lunch and know most of the employees in the grocery store. I have a dog and two parrots. I believe pets give us so much love and offer us an opportunity to love in return. I have a Facebook page. BTW, I’m married, have one married son, no grandchildren and lost one son. I’m exhausted often also, but I try to do a little and rest a little. We can’t just give up. Life is a precious gift.

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@liz223 I just love your attitude! Thanks for the great example of how to live life well in spite of problems. I’m sure you have inspired people in your life and on Mayo Connect! Teresa

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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Hello Annie, I hear your pain, and I feel badly for you having to live with depression. I do not suffer from it, but was raised by a mother who was severely depressed and have a daughter who is bi-polar. I am familiar with the extreme despair that you feel. I feel that Liz may be onto something. Helping others helps her to feel better. My daughter is always more cheerful when helping other people. I know it can be extremely difficult to do most of the time; but perhaps try to get into a helping situation when you are not too depressed. And then, once in it, maybe it can keep you more jazzed about life. Hopefully, having more purpose will help. Maybe keep trying different drug combinations until something works. I pray that you find relief. Big Hug -Terri M.

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@liz223

Old age is definitely not easy. I’m 85 and was diagnosed many years ago as manic/depressive. I do have to struggle against depression, but I have learned what works best for me is making others happy, even for a few minutes. I do the website for our church and do an online prayer request. I go to the fitness center, to the local Subway most days for lunch and know most of the employees in the grocery store. I have a dog and two parrots. I believe pets give us so much love and offer us an opportunity to love in return. I have a Facebook page. BTW, I’m married, have one married son, no grandchildren and lost one son. I’m exhausted often also, but I try to do a little and rest a little. We can’t just give up. Life is a precious gift.

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Thank you.  I know it’s not easy when you feel down to reach out, but I promise it works.  We never know what a smile given to someone might do for them, but you’ll soon find out it helps us most of all. 

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Jump to this post

Unfortunately I have been that person who has offered my services as needed. Very seldom I would get a call for some task that was needed. Now that I am a 24/7 caregiver for my husband (dementia), I realize that I don’t call because i don’t know what people have to offer me. It would be helpful if an offer was made expressing what can be offered. For example, “I bake cookies, every week, what is your favorite kind and I’ll bring you some”;. or, “I have the car every Wednesday and I can drive you for errands, grocery shopping. Or if you would like, we can go somewhere for lunch”. “Please call and let me know what you need. Here is my phone number” ,

The reverse is also true. You should feel free to call one of these people when you need something. The offer to help is sincere, but what you need is not know. Call someone and see if you haven’t found a new friend. 🙂

May God bless you and heal you! Here’s a hug for you!

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Jump to this post

You are absolutely right. “Call me if you need anything” sounds hollow,
although the people that say it, generally mean it. They would help if asked. I
have read on some cancer sites that it is better to proffer something up front
instead of waiting to be asked when you want to be helpful. God bless you for
being the caregiver to your husband. Dementia, I think is the hardest thing
to deal with. If you lived up the street from me, I’d come over and relieve you
for a spell, or bring your favorite cookies!  Hugs -Terri M.
 

REPLY
@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Jump to this post

Just to add an example. When my daughter was fatally sick I turned down offers for food as I lacked appetite. When my friend showed up carrying a pizza, I ate for the first time. At first I didnt want to hurt her feelings, but after a few bites I was eating again. It helps to be proactive and assume what we may do.Also, when I was able to go home for a weekend, neighbors took it upon themselves to clean my house, and heat it so it was warm when I arrived. Still, if others dont do these things, dont be afraid to assign people things you think of. After all, they did ask.

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Jump to this post

@kathyannyarborough What a great friend you have! I’m sure that you appreciated her insight into knowing what you needed even before you did. I have a friend who loves to make homemade soup and I’ve been the recipient of lots of great soups. It has made me realized the importance of doing this for others so that I can “pay it forward.” Teresa

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@liz223 Yes, even small efforts can make a BIG difference in someone’s life. Thanks for that great reminder! Teresa

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