Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

@parus

@anniegk I am not so far behind as I am 65. Being a survivor of suicide is tough. My father used an ounce of lead to his head-my mother blamed me in front of others when I was told to go in an comfort her. What more can I say? I know what this type of thing did to me and I would not to do the same to my 3 adult children and then ask myself what difference does it make as I am of little use to them and, yes, depression is a liar. I know the guilt I have carried all of these years and would not want my children to carry this kind of pain even though I think about it and I don’t want to either.

I will agree that depression does worsen with age…

Thank you for sharing. I live alone, but can still drive and walk. Could be worse is what I remind myself often.

I enjoy green and growing things as long as they are not in my frig.

I know the flowers help me and they appreciate all I do for them. I will share some of my smiling faces.

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@paracat

I live on very little income. I’m on SS disability. I definitely garden on a budget, focusing on perennials. The flowers self sow, some a bit too vigorously. Creeping Phlox makes a pretty, spreading mat. I keep my eyes out for plants going to seed, and collect them into a baggie and throw them around the perennial beds and out in an area that I decided to let it go natural. I put out seeds of natives and I’m not going to mow it next year. I’ll see what happens.

I like having pots on the patio, but I’m putting succulents in them that spread and grow easily. I have 3 kinds that live outside here in central Oregon, and hens and chicks do well. I’m fairly sure that any gardener would be happy to give you starts. As for pots, lots of things can be used to hold plants-I’ve been pretty creative repurposing.

Look around. I think you’ll find something to plant and tend close at hand. Have fun with it.

Jim

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Well, this is “one of those mornings.” Cyclothymia has a way of sneaking up on me. It’s a less serious version of bi-polar, but boy when it hits, it hits hard I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed, totally filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even write my grocery list. Horrible feeling, but for that there’s at least Clonopin, which I took. I feel some better now, but not totally. That’s how the cyclothymia part works on me – super anxiety. The depression side is not as easy to settle down. I take several meds, and it helps some, but still the D lingers all day or more.
I really hurt for you folks that have full blown bi-polar …. just with this, sometimes I feel like life is just done for me, and I should just “get it over with.” My daughter is coming this morning and we’re going to a local huge plant nursery ….. I hope they’ve gotten their African violets in …. they are a real weakness of mine …. I love them, probably because one of my Grandma’s had them all over her house, and I’d follow her around while she took care of them. I was totally thrilled one time ——— when I was about 15, and she gave me one of her most beautiful deep purple ones. Since then, I’m addicted.
Anyhow, things anxiety-wise seem to be settling down – at least I can legibly write my name – it takes longer for the depression meds to kick in.
Thanks for listening friend,
abby

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@amberpep

Well, this is “one of those mornings.” Cyclothymia has a way of sneaking up on me. It’s a less serious version of bi-polar, but boy when it hits, it hits hard I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed, totally filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even write my grocery list. Horrible feeling, but for that there’s at least Clonopin, which I took. I feel some better now, but not totally. That’s how the cyclothymia part works on me – super anxiety. The depression side is not as easy to settle down. I take several meds, and it helps some, but still the D lingers all day or more.
I really hurt for you folks that have full blown bi-polar …. just with this, sometimes I feel like life is just done for me, and I should just “get it over with.” My daughter is coming this morning and we’re going to a local huge plant nursery ….. I hope they’ve gotten their African violets in …. they are a real weakness of mine …. I love them, probably because one of my Grandma’s had them all over her house, and I’d follow her around while she took care of them. I was totally thrilled one time ——— when I was about 15, and she gave me one of her most beautiful deep purple ones. Since then, I’m addicted.
Anyhow, things anxiety-wise seem to be settling down – at least I can legibly write my name – it takes longer for the depression meds to kick in.
Thanks for listening friend,
abby

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@amberpep Hi Abby:

I appreciate your honest approach to your day. I’m glad that you can get out and look for some African violets. I love them too! You must have great success in keeping them strong and healthy. Do you have any advice for the rest of us without a green thumb?

Teresa

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@amberpep

Well, this is “one of those mornings.” Cyclothymia has a way of sneaking up on me. It’s a less serious version of bi-polar, but boy when it hits, it hits hard I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed, totally filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even write my grocery list. Horrible feeling, but for that there’s at least Clonopin, which I took. I feel some better now, but not totally. That’s how the cyclothymia part works on me – super anxiety. The depression side is not as easy to settle down. I take several meds, and it helps some, but still the D lingers all day or more.
I really hurt for you folks that have full blown bi-polar …. just with this, sometimes I feel like life is just done for me, and I should just “get it over with.” My daughter is coming this morning and we’re going to a local huge plant nursery ….. I hope they’ve gotten their African violets in …. they are a real weakness of mine …. I love them, probably because one of my Grandma’s had them all over her house, and I’d follow her around while she took care of them. I was totally thrilled one time ——— when I was about 15, and she gave me one of her most beautiful deep purple ones. Since then, I’m addicted.
Anyhow, things anxiety-wise seem to be settling down – at least I can legibly write my name – it takes longer for the depression meds to kick in.
Thanks for listening friend,
abby

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@amberpep

Abby, thanks for describing what you’re feeling. A psychiatrist diagnosed me with depressive bipolar, but I’ve never really known just what that meant. I think that it means that my highs aren’t as high as regular bipolar. I don’t remember when I last had that kind of feeling.

My mother loved her African violets. She had a window with a good orientation for them. I gave up on them years ago, as I couldn’t get them to bloom. I tend to like plants that can survive benign neglect.

Jim

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@amberpep

Well, this is “one of those mornings.” Cyclothymia has a way of sneaking up on me. It’s a less serious version of bi-polar, but boy when it hits, it hits hard I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed, totally filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even write my grocery list. Horrible feeling, but for that there’s at least Clonopin, which I took. I feel some better now, but not totally. That’s how the cyclothymia part works on me – super anxiety. The depression side is not as easy to settle down. I take several meds, and it helps some, but still the D lingers all day or more.
I really hurt for you folks that have full blown bi-polar …. just with this, sometimes I feel like life is just done for me, and I should just “get it over with.” My daughter is coming this morning and we’re going to a local huge plant nursery ….. I hope they’ve gotten their African violets in …. they are a real weakness of mine …. I love them, probably because one of my Grandma’s had them all over her house, and I’d follow her around while she took care of them. I was totally thrilled one time ——— when I was about 15, and she gave me one of her most beautiful deep purple ones. Since then, I’m addicted.
Anyhow, things anxiety-wise seem to be settling down – at least I can legibly write my name – it takes longer for the depression meds to kick in.
Thanks for listening friend,
abby

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Hi Teresa …. all I can tell you is what my Grandma told me ….. they don’t like wet feet! They prefer an East or West window, water from the bottom once, maybe 2x a week depending on how dry your house is, and if it begins to look droopy and the soil is wet, take it out of the pot and let it air out for a day or so or you’ll have root rot. And they like to be fed every 2 months with an A.F. food.
abby

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@amberpep

Well, this is “one of those mornings.” Cyclothymia has a way of sneaking up on me. It’s a less serious version of bi-polar, but boy when it hits, it hits hard I woke up this morning, stepped out of bed, totally filled with anxiety. I couldn’t even write my grocery list. Horrible feeling, but for that there’s at least Clonopin, which I took. I feel some better now, but not totally. That’s how the cyclothymia part works on me – super anxiety. The depression side is not as easy to settle down. I take several meds, and it helps some, but still the D lingers all day or more.
I really hurt for you folks that have full blown bi-polar …. just with this, sometimes I feel like life is just done for me, and I should just “get it over with.” My daughter is coming this morning and we’re going to a local huge plant nursery ….. I hope they’ve gotten their African violets in …. they are a real weakness of mine …. I love them, probably because one of my Grandma’s had them all over her house, and I’d follow her around while she took care of them. I was totally thrilled one time ——— when I was about 15, and she gave me one of her most beautiful deep purple ones. Since then, I’m addicted.
Anyhow, things anxiety-wise seem to be settling down – at least I can legibly write my name – it takes longer for the depression meds to kick in.
Thanks for listening friend,
abby

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Thanks, Abby @amberpep

I may just look for an African Violet and give it a try. Did you find any today on your shopping trip?

Teresa

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Happy to see this thread about NAMI. I agree, the support groups & educational classes are very helpful. I am involved in my local affiliate.
@sharlynn62 I am sorry that your Connection group is not running. I would like to suggest to let them know again that you are interested. Look at it as another step in your recovery to be assertive. I say this because I have to remind myself to be more assertive too. You never know, when you shared that you were interested in leading before, they might not have been in a good place themselves & possibly not thought about it really. Or perhaps they might not have thought you were really serious…I don’t know. But anyway, it’s worth another try. Good luck and I hope more become interested in having the Connection support group as well, or maybe recruit members? Just a thought. I just saw that your posted this in April, sorry. I hope things are different by now and you are doing well. Mags

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I can relate to you, as you get older, my depression, long term gets harder. I would only see my docter every six months. My chronic fibromyalgia, SAD, and I can’t rule out genetic. A horrible tragedy, my 49 yr. daughter took her life almost seven years, will be in December, fractured our family. My oldest son is in nursing home with bipolar, and med induced kidney damage, and diabetes. So my family really is really limited, other son lives out of town, and we don’t see him, he has a daughter with a learning disability, his wife is a lovely person, coping with Crohn, and other daughter now. He didn’t get therapy when he lost his sister, and drinking became a problem. I see him once or twice a year. His plate is full.

This past year my fatigue and anxiety is a huge problem. I have an excellent psychiatrist but had to change anti-depressant and any anti-anxiety med doesn’t agree with me. It has been a difficult journey when you lose a child, in this manner you never do get back to your former self.

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@french

I appreciate your sharing your story with us. It sounds like you are making the best of your situation. I am so sorry to hear of your daughter’s suicide, how very difficult for your entire family.

I hope that you have found some support, that is really important when you can’t be close to your family for one reason or the other. Do you have any friends or support through your church or community? Have you ever attended a grief support group?

Teresa

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@french

I can relate to you, as you get older, my depression, long term gets harder. I would only see my docter every six months. My chronic fibromyalgia, SAD, and I can’t rule out genetic. A horrible tragedy, my 49 yr. daughter took her life almost seven years, will be in December, fractured our family. My oldest son is in nursing home with bipolar, and med induced kidney damage, and diabetes. So my family really is really limited, other son lives out of town, and we don’t see him, he has a daughter with a learning disability, his wife is a lovely person, coping with Crohn, and other daughter now. He didn’t get therapy when he lost his sister, and drinking became a problem. I see him once or twice a year. His plate is full.

This past year my fatigue and anxiety is a huge problem. I have an excellent psychiatrist but had to change anti-depressant and any anti-anxiety med doesn’t agree with me. It has been a difficult journey when you lose a child, in this manner you never do get back to your former self.

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So sorry for your loss @french. I hope you have some support in your community. I am happy for the support we get here on Connect.

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@french

I can relate to you, as you get older, my depression, long term gets harder. I would only see my docter every six months. My chronic fibromyalgia, SAD, and I can’t rule out genetic. A horrible tragedy, my 49 yr. daughter took her life almost seven years, will be in December, fractured our family. My oldest son is in nursing home with bipolar, and med induced kidney damage, and diabetes. So my family really is really limited, other son lives out of town, and we don’t see him, he has a daughter with a learning disability, his wife is a lovely person, coping with Crohn, and other daughter now. He didn’t get therapy when he lost his sister, and drinking became a problem. I see him once or twice a year. His plate is full.

This past year my fatigue and anxiety is a huge problem. I have an excellent psychiatrist but had to change anti-depressant and any anti-anxiety med doesn’t agree with me. It has been a difficult journey when you lose a child, in this manner you never do get back to your former self.

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@french you are a very strong person. You have had to cope with the worse nightmare any parent fears…the loss of a child. Plus so many other sad things in you life. You definitely have my support…((HUGS))

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Gentle ((Hugs)) anniep. You are not alone.

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