Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

Posted by kdo0827 @kdo0827, Dec 27, 2018

Hi everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I started taking Cymbalta and got off the other stuff. I was doing better but the past 2 months or so not so good. I’m struggling with feeling invisible and I’m feeling very unappreciated. I feel my kids only call when they want something or have a problem. They never ask how I’m feeling nor do they try and help. I had a procedure done yesterday and neither one bothered to check on me. Adding this to my depression isn’t good. Do any of you have these same feelings about your kids?What should I do?

@parus

@merpreb Thank you for asking. I meant I do not want them to know how I struggle at times. I am not in the least a meddlesome mom. I enjoy hearing what they want to share. I went through a time feeling left out. I moved past that. I did not like the texting thing and now I enjoy it!! A good way to touch base. I no longer feel ignored when I get no reply. I am in the loop. Sometimes I try too hard. Things are better now since I have learned to relax some. Got wordy again. 🥴

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@parus– I can certainly understand that. I keep my son apprised but he doesn't really know how I ache inside with PTSD. He knows that I get depressed and he manages my blog but reading or hearing something isn't the same thing. I also had to learn how to be a mother to an adult son. We are much better off now and do still feel left out at times but he doesn't know. We email daily but short stuff or a picture, some small thing that just shows our love.

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@parus

@merpreb Thank you for asking. I meant I do not want them to know how I struggle at times. I am not in the least a meddlesome mom. I enjoy hearing what they want to share. I went through a time feeling left out. I moved past that. I did not like the texting thing and now I enjoy it!! A good way to touch base. I no longer feel ignored when I get no reply. I am in the loop. Sometimes I try too hard. Things are better now since I have learned to relax some. Got wordy again. 🥴

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@parus I understand completely I felt this way for a long time but now since I have learned they will contact me I get more calls from my son .Texting or email he do,s call to let me know when they go away that they get there ,I guess this is all I can ask for.Its been hard but I think I'm getting there

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Yes. My friend and I were talking about this recently. Our kids still see us as parents. If you think about it as children that what they did and haven't made the transition that you're not a parent but a person. They don't see us as friends. The uestion becomes how do we change this? Well I would start by thinking about what kind of relationship you want to have with your kids. Then talk to your kids and tell them what kind of relationship you want. When you talk to them focus on your objective.

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@suscros68– hmmmm. I'm not sure that I agree with wanting to be something other than a parent to my son. My son and I are on a very friendly basis, phew! But if I give him an inch of too much a friend then I am very uncomfortable. At first I wanted to be his idol and best friend but that wasn't such a bright idea on my part.. He's not my equal as far as age goes. I've lived 26 more years than he has and have had experiences that I would not want him to have. I deserve to be respected. I think that as children get older- more towards 40's see see us more as people too.

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@merpreb

@suscros68– hmmmm. I'm not sure that I agree with wanting to be something other than a parent to my son. My son and I are on a very friendly basis, phew! But if I give him an inch of too much a friend then I am very uncomfortable. At first I wanted to be his idol and best friend but that wasn't such a bright idea on my part.. He's not my equal as far as age goes. I've lived 26 more years than he has and have had experiences that I would not want him to have. I deserve to be respected. I think that as children get older- more towards 40's see see us more as people too.

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Just a thought. Everyone has their idea of what they want their relationship s to look like.

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@suscros68– Oh of course. I didn't mean that my idea was for everyone! I apologize if I gave off that impression. Child rearing is the most personal things as a parent, don't you think?

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Yes it is. I just understand it can be hurtful when our adult kids only call us when they need something, and I think it's important to let them know it's hurtful.

Liked by Parus

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@suscros68– Oh, I agree with you!

Liked by Parus

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@merpreb I do not have any children, by choice, and have somewhat watched how my siblings raised their children. This is an interesting thread of conversation, definitely. My thought is I am still glad I made the choice to no have kids…..
Ginger

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One of the newspaper Ann Landers type had a survey on whether they would have kids. Interesting. Over 70% said would have kids. Those that didn't have kids, still liked that decision. Letters to her still discuss that topic and how it fared. Have 4 daughters and would do it again. Wife has 3 daughters and probably wouldn't have kids. Each to his/her own.

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@hodagwi

One of the newspaper Ann Landers type had a survey on whether they would have kids. Interesting. Over 70% said would have kids. Those that didn't have kids, still liked that decision. Letters to her still discuss that topic and how it fared. Have 4 daughters and would do it again. Wife has 3 daughters and probably wouldn't have kids. Each to his/her own.

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@hodagwi Your last sentence should be etched on stone everywhere! I made my choice at age 14, and at 66 yrs young, I still have people who "get in my face" for being [in their words] selfish, a traitor to womankind, etc.It's truly amazing.
Ginger

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present next door neighbors have no kids by choice. I dated an up and coming opera singer in college and she had tubes tied at age 21 and said never regretted it. Married to her singing and career. She is now 71 and is happy with that decision. She never married.

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@merpreb

@parus– I can certainly understand that. I keep my son apprised but he doesn't really know how I ache inside with PTSD. He knows that I get depressed and he manages my blog but reading or hearing something isn't the same thing. I also had to learn how to be a mother to an adult son. We are much better off now and do still feel left out at times but he doesn't know. We email daily but short stuff or a picture, some small thing that just shows our love.

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@merpreb I do the same with my youngest son. We both love play on words and have fun doing so. Few can understand our cynicism and sarcasm. Our appreciation for one another has grown now that he is a parent. I am proud of him. 😊. I don’t want others to know the darkness of the past. Thanks for being you.

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@merpreb

@suscros68– hmmmm. I'm not sure that I agree with wanting to be something other than a parent to my son. My son and I are on a very friendly basis, phew! But if I give him an inch of too much a friend then I am very uncomfortable. At first I wanted to be his idol and best friend but that wasn't such a bright idea on my part.. He's not my equal as far as age goes. I've lived 26 more years than he has and have had experiences that I would not want him to have. I deserve to be respected. I think that as children get older- more towards 40's see see us more as people too.

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My 3 adult children know I am mom. Once they had their lives they knew I would be supportive if they were in the right and there beside them through hard times. They have learned there are consequences as I have. I love them unconditionally but will not be enabling. A hard thing to do at times. They are all hard working adults. Hard to accept we cannot always protect them. They all know mom is independent as a hog on ice as always. They are as well.

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@parus

My 3 adult children know I am mom. Once they had their lives they knew I would be supportive if they were in the right and there beside them through hard times. They have learned there are consequences as I have. I love them unconditionally but will not be enabling. A hard thing to do at times. They are all hard working adults. Hard to accept we cannot always protect them. They all know mom is independent as a hog on ice as always. They are as well.

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@parus Had to laugh at Hog on Ice never heard of that one

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