1. < Depression & Anxiety

Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

Posted by kdo0827 @kdo0827, Dec 27, 2018

Hi everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I started taking Cymbalta and got off the other stuff. I was doing better but the past 2 months or so not so good. I’m struggling with feeling invisible and I’m feeling very unappreciated. I feel my kids only call when they want something or have a problem. They never ask how I’m feeling nor do they try and help. I had a procedure done yesterday and neither one bothered to check on me. Adding this to my depression isn’t good. Do any of you have these same feelings about your kids?What should I do?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

Parus | @parus | Jan 9, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@parus This cyber-table is such an important gathering place. Two days ago a good friend met..." + (show)
@gingerw

@parus This cyber-table is such an important gathering place. Two days ago a good friend met with me for lunch, and related her family troubles to me. My husband is going through family issues. As am I. It seems so epidemic right now, and I cannot help but wonder where the common thread is, for all this unrest. Like you, distraction is helping, but not all days. Some days I escape into a morning of extra sleep, my body is so weary from mental exercise and emotional upset. Here we can lean on each other and find support.
Ginger

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@gingerw I am still happy inside that you are a CZT. Still trying to wrap my mind around such an accomplishment.

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1 reply
phxlife | @phxlife | Jan 9, 2019
In reply to @kdo0827 "I totally agree and feel the same way. My problem is when I need them to..." + (show)
@kdo0827

I totally agree and feel the same way. My problem is when I need them to at least call when I’m not doing well. I suffer from depression, neuropathy, diabetes, epilepsy and chronic pain so I sometimes need a little love from them. I’d like to be thought of more than the one to give money or get them out of a bind.

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Oh how I understand. We moms sometimes just need our adult kids to take time for us, listen to us....really listen and care, don’t fix it just tell us things like: “mom that must be so hard for you, how can I best help you?” Or: “gosh mom, I didn’t realize you have the amount of chronic pain you have and how it’s so easy for you to feel invisible.”

I’m in my late 50’s, and I’ve had to tell our 3 kids (22-29) that sometimes I need them to do this, and I give them specific examples of what would be good ways to also pour into me, as my husband and I do for them.

I know it’s common for we older moms to feel invisible and like we don’t have much to offer anymore. It makes sense! We spent YEARS and thousands of hours “directing household traffic” and then it can feel like we’re no longer needed in so many ways.

Yes, I do agree with the fact that we were probably all that way in our 20’s, but it can be talked through so that even our needs can be met.

Our 33 year old son in law, and his 2 adult brothers, still to this day talk on the phone with their parents once/week! Every Sunday around dinner time. They let the parents FT with the grandkids. At first I thought this was controlling on his parents’ part, and just plain weird. But now having heard some of these conversations, and see him FT them, it is such a blessing on both sides. They are connected in a way they never otherwise would be.

You’re not invisible because I see you and care about you! And so do many others on here. 💗

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3 replies
Parus | @parus | Jan 9, 2019
In reply to @phxlife "Oh how I understand. We moms sometimes just need our adult kids to take time for..." + (show)
@phxlife

Oh how I understand. We moms sometimes just need our adult kids to take time for us, listen to us....really listen and care, don’t fix it just tell us things like: “mom that must be so hard for you, how can I best help you?” Or: “gosh mom, I didn’t realize you have the amount of chronic pain you have and how it’s so easy for you to feel invisible.”

I’m in my late 50’s, and I’ve had to tell our 3 kids (22-29) that sometimes I need them to do this, and I give them specific examples of what would be good ways to also pour into me, as my husband and I do for them.

I know it’s common for we older moms to feel invisible and like we don’t have much to offer anymore. It makes sense! We spent YEARS and thousands of hours “directing household traffic” and then it can feel like we’re no longer needed in so many ways.

Yes, I do agree with the fact that we were probably all that way in our 20’s, but it can be talked through so that even our needs can be met.

Our 33 year old son in law, and his 2 adult brothers, still to this day talk on the phone with their parents once/week! Every Sunday around dinner time. They let the parents FT with the grandkids. At first I thought this was controlling on his parents’ part, and just plain weird. But now having heard some of these conversations, and see him FT them, it is such a blessing on both sides. They are connected in a way they never otherwise would be.

You’re not invisible because I see you and care about you! And so do many others on here. 💗

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I could never tell my adult children how badly I am feeling as my problems are not theirs. Likely I would be out of the loop completely. My children owe me nothing just because I am their mother. I love them and cherish any time I get with them. All 15 minutes away. Maybe if I were rich with a lot to leave them it would be
different. My youngest does
come by and is thankful I do not need to move in with them. Something to be
said in my favor. I know mothers that guilt trip their children. Not something I would do as I have been there 🙁. A global statement from where I am. Not in anyway an attack. I live in a different world. I would rather be working.

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2 replies
Jane S. Brown | @macjane | Jan 9, 2019
In reply to @merpreb "@macjane - is how they are related https://www.medicinenet.com/cymbalta_duloxetine_and_effexor_xr_venlafaxine/article.htm" + (show)

Some of the side side effects seem to be listed with some question. Diarrhea and constipation for example. I found out Lactulose can cause seizure activity.

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phxlife | @phxlife | Jan 9, 2019
In reply to @parus "I could never tell my adult children how badly I am feeling as my problems are..." + (show)
@parus

I could never tell my adult children how badly I am feeling as my problems are not theirs. Likely I would be out of the loop completely. My children owe me nothing just because I am their mother. I love them and cherish any time I get with them. All 15 minutes away. Maybe if I were rich with a lot to leave them it would be
different. My youngest does
come by and is thankful I do not need to move in with them. Something to be
said in my favor. I know mothers that guilt trip their children. Not something I would do as I have been there 🙁. A global statement from where I am. Not in anyway an attack. I live in a different world. I would rather be working.

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Hi! Just for clarification, I keep the extent of my down times and depression from my children. I don’t have it daily, but can have some tough times, but this is for my counselor, husband, and adults I can share with. 😊

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1 reply
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jan 9, 2019
In reply to @parus "@gingerw I am still happy inside that you are a CZT. Still trying to wrap my..." + (show)
@parus

@gingerw I am still happy inside that you are a CZT. Still trying to wrap my mind around such an accomplishment.

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@parus The actual training and certification will be this June. Until then, and after, I will continue to practice practice practice, refining my technique and growing my confidence. As is stressed, dating your work to see the progress let's me realize how far my journey has brought me!
Ginger

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2 replies
lioness | @lioness | Jan 9, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@parus The actual training and certification will be this June. Until then, and after, I will..." + (show)
@gingerw

@parus The actual training and certification will be this June. Until then, and after, I will continue to practice practice practice, refining my technique and growing my confidence. As is stressed, dating your work to see the progress let's me realize how far my journey has brought me!
Ginger

Jump to this post

@gingerw What is CZT don't know it?

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1 reply
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Jan 9, 2019
In reply to @lioness "@gingerw What is CZT don't know it?" + (show)
@lioness

@gingerw What is CZT don't know it?

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@lioness Certified Zentangle Teacher - I am doing the training in June

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3 replies
Parus | @parus | Jan 9, 2019
In reply to @gingerw "@parus The actual training and certification will be this June. Until then, and after, I will..." + (show)
@gingerw

@parus The actual training and certification will be this June. Until then, and after, I will continue to practice practice practice, refining my technique and growing my confidence. As is stressed, dating your work to see the progress let's me realize how far my journey has brought me!
Ginger

Jump to this post

@gingerw This is so exciting. I have learning some of the different strokes. Interesting how what I called doodling has become an art. I find it very interesting as well as calming. WOW is my word of the day for what you are doing.

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