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kdo0827
@kdo0827

Posts: 166
Joined: Jan 10, 2018

Down in the dumps again

Posted by @kdo0827, Dec 27, 2018

Hi everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I started taking Cymbalta and got off the other stuff. I was doing better but the past 2 months or so not so good. I’m struggling with feeling invisible and I’m feeling very unappreciated. I feel my kids only call when they want something or have a problem. They never ask how I’m feeling nor do they try and help. I had a procedure done yesterday and neither one bothered to check on me. Adding this to my depression isn’t good. Do any of you have these same feelings about your kids?What should I do?

REPLY

@kdo0827 – Welcome back. I'm sorry that you are feeling down. What ages are your kids? I think that they have to be close to mid 30'2 or early 40's to start showing their love and caring selves. I think that we need to make lives away from our kids and so that they don't monopolize our lives. I would call them. Don't wait for them to call you. The situation changes then to the important thing that you are in contact. This eliminates the who called who. Some of the younger generations are very selfish and self-centered so we have to be the aggressive ones. They'll l then pick it up!.
Do you have anyone at home to take to you appointments, etc? I hope that your procedure wasn't too bad.

Thank you! My kids are 32 & 34. I totally agree that my husband and I need to make more of a life for ourselves. We just had that conversation recently. I’m struggling with some medical issues and they’re trying to figure out what is going on. I either take myself or my husband will go if I can’t drive afterwards. I also take care of my mom who has dementia so not a lot of happy times for me. I feel like I need a 2-3 week vacation to just let it all go but that’s not gonna happen. I hate this sadness and full feeling in my chest.

I also babysit my just turned 1 today grandson.

@kdo0827– You have your hands full! Congratulations on your new grandbaby!

Liked by becsbuddy

@kdo827 Hi Ive had those feelings but I came to the realization that they both work ,my grandson is in school and when they are home that's where there attention is as a family I know they love me but remember when you had your kids ? That was our world Mine are the same but Dear Abby ,remember her, said as long as your kid is doing o.k. be thankful ,they will call when they aren't o.k. This is tough to accept but you raised them well .Ive gone through this also.After I realized this I made my own life now.

@kdo0827

I also babysit my just turned 1 today grandson.

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@kdo827 Congrats on your grandson .I did also moved out from Pa to Ca now he is 10 so its important to make your own life .

@lioness

@kdo827 Hi Ive had those feelings but I came to the realization that they both work ,my grandson is in school and when they are home that's where there attention is as a family I know they love me but remember when you had your kids ? That was our world Mine are the same but Dear Abby ,remember her, said as long as your kid is doing o.k. be thankful ,they will call when they aren't o.k. This is tough to accept but you raised them well .Ive gone through this also.After I realized this I made my own life now.

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I do try and realize they’re busy and I appreciate that. But when they do talk to me they could ask how I’m doing. At Christmas I didn’t even get a thank you for their gifts. One daughter didn’t open hers as she was overwhelmed but it’s been 2 days and I still haven’t heard anything from her. I also had gifts shipped for the baby’s birthday and if it wasn’t for Amazon I would not know they were received. It’s just hard ALWAYS being there to help, we’ve given lots of financial help and we do without to help. A thanks and being paid back would be nice.

@kdo0827

I do try and realize they’re busy and I appreciate that. But when they do talk to me they could ask how I’m doing. At Christmas I didn’t even get a thank you for their gifts. One daughter didn’t open hers as she was overwhelmed but it’s been 2 days and I still haven’t heard anything from her. I also had gifts shipped for the baby’s birthday and if it wasn’t for Amazon I would not know they were received. It’s just hard ALWAYS being there to help, we’ve given lots of financial help and we do without to help. A thanks and being paid back would be nice.

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@kdo0827 sorry that does make you feel bad I would call them do they both work or do they need help from you?My circumstances are different but still not hearing a thank you ,hang in there grown kids are hard to read now days.

Liked by becsbuddy

@kdo0827

I do try and realize they’re busy and I appreciate that. But when they do talk to me they could ask how I’m doing. At Christmas I didn’t even get a thank you for their gifts. One daughter didn’t open hers as she was overwhelmed but it’s been 2 days and I still haven’t heard anything from her. I also had gifts shipped for the baby’s birthday and if it wasn’t for Amazon I would not know they were received. It’s just hard ALWAYS being there to help, we’ve given lots of financial help and we do without to help. A thanks and being paid back would be nice.

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@kdo0827 I can relate to what you are going through. I have 2 kids, but they're a bit younger than yours (23 & 26). They are fully involved in their own lives, and don't have much time for their old man. Any time my wife and/or I start questioning their priorities, we always swing back to what we were like at that age and where our attention was. It was pretty much the same as where our kids are right now. Does that make it right? Nope. From a big picture perspective, though, the joy of being a parent today is watching them learn, grow and live full lives as young adults. I certainly wish they'd call or stop by more often. But their focus is on other things, and I completely understand. If that means a little less of this old fart in their lives right now, I can deal with that as long as they are happy.
And when I'm feeling totally left out, I simply butt in. I'm their dad. I get to do that.

@mickj

@kdo0827 I can relate to what you are going through. I have 2 kids, but they're a bit younger than yours (23 & 26). They are fully involved in their own lives, and don't have much time for their old man. Any time my wife and/or I start questioning their priorities, we always swing back to what we were like at that age and where our attention was. It was pretty much the same as where our kids are right now. Does that make it right? Nope. From a big picture perspective, though, the joy of being a parent today is watching them learn, grow and live full lives as young adults. I certainly wish they'd call or stop by more often. But their focus is on other things, and I completely understand. If that means a little less of this old fart in their lives right now, I can deal with that as long as they are happy.
And when I'm feeling totally left out, I simply butt in. I'm their dad. I get to do that.

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I totally agree and feel the same way. My problem is when I need them to at least call when I’m not doing well. I suffer from depression, neuropathy, diabetes, epilepsy and chronic pain so I sometimes need a little love from them. I’d like to be thought of more than the one to give money or get them out of a bind.

@lioness

@kdo0827 sorry that does make you feel bad I would call them do they both work or do they need help from you?My circumstances are different but still not hearing a thank you ,hang in there grown kids are hard to read now days.

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They both work and I babysit for one daughter. I just wanted to know I mattered.

@kdo0827 Sometimes they need to hear how you feel ,call them I had to call my son and do this I told him at my age you don't know how long I,ll be here it worked he calls now every once in awhile.If you don't say something they don't know.

You’re right, I need to let them know how I’m feeling. Thanks!

@kdo0827 your welcome let us know if this helped

@mickj

@kdo0827 I can relate to what you are going through. I have 2 kids, but they're a bit younger than yours (23 & 26). They are fully involved in their own lives, and don't have much time for their old man. Any time my wife and/or I start questioning their priorities, we always swing back to what we were like at that age and where our attention was. It was pretty much the same as where our kids are right now. Does that make it right? Nope. From a big picture perspective, though, the joy of being a parent today is watching them learn, grow and live full lives as young adults. I certainly wish they'd call or stop by more often. But their focus is on other things, and I completely understand. If that means a little less of this old fart in their lives right now, I can deal with that as long as they are happy.
And when I'm feeling totally left out, I simply butt in. I'm their dad. I get to do that.

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@mickj, @kdo0827– Interesting conversation. My 2 older daughters (29 & 38) all in are great kids and I know they love us very much, but for every birthday, fathers day & even Christmas, they much prefer me to send them a link from Amazon on what I would like. Several years back I told them both that I had everything I needed and asked them to call me regularly (at least once a month) and have a conversation and tell me they love me. Seems rather simple to me? Well that has not happened and I think they believe I'm kidding, but I've let them know that I'm not. Somehow that seems to difficult for them? Now that I have an I-Phone rather than my old trusty flip phone, they occasionaly text me. It helps if I get it started though. On a recent trip to my youngest daughters out of state, we had given her our flights, etc. and when we touched base as time drew close she told us that we would have to grab an Uber from the airport to the house. Evidently it was an inconvenient time due to our granddaughters nap time.
Call me old fashioned, but I never would have asked my folks to take a cab whenever they visited me. I agree with an earlier post that once they get a bit older they will appreciate perhaps us more and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

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