1. < Depression & Anxiety

Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

Posted by kdo0827 @kdo0827, Dec 27, 2018

Hi everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I started taking Cymbalta and got off the other stuff. I was doing better but the past 2 months or so not so good. I’m struggling with feeling invisible and I’m feeling very unappreciated. I feel my kids only call when they want something or have a problem. They never ask how I’m feeling nor do they try and help. I had a procedure done yesterday and neither one bothered to check on me. Adding this to my depression isn’t good. Do any of you have these same feelings about your kids?What should I do?

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kdo0827 | @kdo0827 | Jan 10, 2019
In reply to @catcatanzaro60 "I still say all families should stay together as much as possible. Christians know the Lord..." + (show)
@catcatanzaro60

I still say all families should stay together as much as possible. Christians know the Lord says to honor and respect your parents or it will not go well. We all need to love one another and look for all ways to respect and remember each other. No excuses Just how I feel.

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AMEN!

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Mentor
Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Jan 10, 2019

@kdo0827 sounds like good news! You still have a lot to deal with, but it’s do-able, and I know you can do it!

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kdo0827 | @kdo0827 | Jan 10, 2019
In reply to @jmalibu "Have the same feeling....don't know what to do either....wish sometimes I wouldn't even wake in the..." + (show)
@jmalibu

Have the same feeling....don't know what to do either....wish sometimes I wouldn't even wake in the morning....some people can deal with that much stress....or they hide it well....I don't.....at a total loss of what I can do to get myself out of this.....

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I do understand your feelings of sometimes not wanting to wake up in the morning. What you have to do is look in the mirror, talk it out and then you tell yourself I matter. I make a difference. People love, care and depend on me. For me I say “Satan you are NOT going to control me and I’m not going to believe your lies! Not today Satan, not today!! I grab my journal and I make myself come up with 5 things I’m grateful for. Some days the list is full of great things and some days I can only come up with things like coffee, my chair, etc. We are all here to reach out to and I’m here anytime you want to chat!

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3 replies
kdo0827 | @kdo0827 | Jan 10, 2019
In reply to @phxlife "Hi! Just for clarification, I keep the extent of my down times and depression from my..." + (show)
@phxlife

Hi! Just for clarification, I keep the extent of my down times and depression from my children. I don’t have it daily, but can have some tough times, but this is for my counselor, husband, and adults I can share with. 😊

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I too keep mine from my kids, family and mostly my spouse. I journal and come here for support and encouragement from people who truly understand. Be blessed.

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lioness | @lioness | Jan 10, 2019
In reply to @kdo0827 "I do understand your feelings of sometimes not wanting to wake up in the morning. What..." + (show)
@kdo0827

I do understand your feelings of sometimes not wanting to wake up in the morning. What you have to do is look in the mirror, talk it out and then you tell yourself I matter. I make a difference. People love, care and depend on me. For me I say “Satan you are NOT going to control me and I’m not going to believe your lies! Not today Satan, not today!! I grab my journal and I make myself come up with 5 things I’m grateful for. Some days the list is full of great things and some days I can only come up with things like coffee, my chair, etc. We are all here to reach out to and I’m here anytime you want to chat!

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@kdo0827 very 👍 we are here for all One thing I have found thanks to @hopeful33250@ @Parus is Ti Chi .

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1 reply
kdo0827 | @kdo0827 | Jan 10, 2019
In reply to @parus "I could never tell my adult children how badly I am feeling as my problems are..." + (show)
@parus

I could never tell my adult children how badly I am feeling as my problems are not theirs. Likely I would be out of the loop completely. My children owe me nothing just because I am their mother. I love them and cherish any time I get with them. All 15 minutes away. Maybe if I were rich with a lot to leave them it would be
different. My youngest does
come by and is thankful I do not need to move in with them. Something to be
said in my favor. I know mothers that guilt trip their children. Not something I would do as I have been there 🙁. A global statement from where I am. Not in anyway an attack. I live in a different world. I would rather be working.

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I totally agree! Been there and still living with the mother guilt even though I have done nothing to deserve it. But it still gets to me. I, too miss working but physically can’t.

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654321 | @654321 | Jan 10, 2019
In reply to @kdo0827 "I do understand your feelings of sometimes not wanting to wake up in the morning. What..." + (show)
@kdo0827

I do understand your feelings of sometimes not wanting to wake up in the morning. What you have to do is look in the mirror, talk it out and then you tell yourself I matter. I make a difference. People love, care and depend on me. For me I say “Satan you are NOT going to control me and I’m not going to believe your lies! Not today Satan, not today!! I grab my journal and I make myself come up with 5 things I’m grateful for. Some days the list is full of great things and some days I can only come up with things like coffee, my chair, etc. We are all here to reach out to and I’m here anytime you want to chat!

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Yes this is a great message .

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Mentor
Teresa, Volunteer Mentor | @hopeful33250 | Jan 10, 2019
In reply to @kdo0827 "It was ok. I was thrilled when they put me to sleep 😂 Praise God they..." + (show)
@kdo0827

It was ok. I was thrilled when they put me to sleep 😂
Praise God they didn’t find cancer! They did find out several other issues such as IBS, Diverticulitis, damaged colon, etc. I may have surgery in the future but not now that I know of. Thanks for asking. It means a lot!

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@kdo0827
I am so pleased to hear that the colonoscopy did not reveal cancer. You must be relieved. It does sound like there are some diagnoses that might be managed.

Do you have a follow up with your doctor to discuss the results?

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1 reply
kdo0827 | @kdo0827 | Jan 10, 2019
In reply to @phxlife "Oh how I understand. We moms sometimes just need our adult kids to take time for..." + (show)
@phxlife

Oh how I understand. We moms sometimes just need our adult kids to take time for us, listen to us....really listen and care, don’t fix it just tell us things like: “mom that must be so hard for you, how can I best help you?” Or: “gosh mom, I didn’t realize you have the amount of chronic pain you have and how it’s so easy for you to feel invisible.”

I’m in my late 50’s, and I’ve had to tell our 3 kids (22-29) that sometimes I need them to do this, and I give them specific examples of what would be good ways to also pour into me, as my husband and I do for them.

I know it’s common for we older moms to feel invisible and like we don’t have much to offer anymore. It makes sense! We spent YEARS and thousands of hours “directing household traffic” and then it can feel like we’re no longer needed in so many ways.

Yes, I do agree with the fact that we were probably all that way in our 20’s, but it can be talked through so that even our needs can be met.

Our 33 year old son in law, and his 2 adult brothers, still to this day talk on the phone with their parents once/week! Every Sunday around dinner time. They let the parents FT with the grandkids. At first I thought this was controlling on his parents’ part, and just plain weird. But now having heard some of these conversations, and see him FT them, it is such a blessing on both sides. They are connected in a way they never otherwise would be.

You’re not invisible because I see you and care about you! And so do many others on here. 💗

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@phxlife Your response had me crying. It was exactly what I needed to hear. You actually get exactly how I feel!!!! Your words mean so much to me. Now if I could actually learn to ask my girls for help. I sometimes hint and I’ve asked one of them to please come help me do a few things in our condo but she hasn’t. It gets frustrating as like you perfectly said we’ve poured thousands of hours (and $$) into them. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

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kdo0827 | @kdo0827 | Jan 10, 2019
In reply to @hopeful33250 "@kdo0827 I am so pleased to hear that the colonoscopy did not reveal cancer. You must..." + (show)
@hopeful33250

@kdo0827
I am so pleased to hear that the colonoscopy did not reveal cancer. You must be relieved. It does sound like there are some diagnoses that might be managed.

Do you have a follow up with your doctor to discuss the results?

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Yes 1-23. They gave me some medication to ease some of the issues but it causes all kinds of side effects I’m not sure I want to try.

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