Anyone feel they made major life mistakes that are not forgivable?

@shmerdloff Thank you for your words of support and healing. Sometimes it is difficult for me to know how to act with my husband and sons. When my husband gets angry about something, I try to listen. With my son, who goes on and on, my therapist advised me to set boundaries by saying it’s not helpful to keep talking like this and end the conversation. This is all very emotionally painful for me. I have thought about leaving them but I have no other family or friends to turn to and my physical health is not good enough and I don’t have sufficient financial resources. Is there a way for me to find inner peace and still stay with my husband and try to be a mother to my adult sons?

@isadora2021 I don’t have many friends and no extended family so my social experience is very limited. Do you know people who have married without love?

@nycmusic Thank you for your words of support. I am still struggling with how to go forward in my life and find joy when my family life is in such a poor state and I have difficulty making friends. Please can you offer some guidance about this?

You did some things when you were younger that you're not proud of now that you're older. We all have. Sometimes, an apology would open an old wound or make us feel better while making someone else feel worse. If that's the case, it's not worth it. Other times, a sincere apology can make things right.

Once you know better, do better. Some of the stuff I did in my early 20s horrifies me today. I didn't commit any crimes but there were times I pretended to like someone just to sleep with them, I was often selfish, and didn't think of others feelings as much as I should have. But I realized these things and stopped doing them. If there's karma, I think I've balanced mine out with good deeds and volunteer work.

None of us can change the past so ruminating on it is a waste of time. I know this is easy to say--I still ruminate--but I really try to improve myself as I move through life. That starts with forgiving myself for stuff I did when I was a different person.

If it helps, scientifically, every 10 years or so all the cells in your body have been replaced by new ones so, technically, you really ARE a different person.

As I'm Jewish, I want to weigh in that it might be helpful to talk to a rabbi or a Jewish educator/counselor. To me, it really doesn't sound like you did anything with a bad intention. Often, if sadly, in life our relationships don't work out to their best potential. That can't be just one person's "fault." We never have much power over other adults actions. I see here the good advice to forgive yourself, but you might need to explore what that means to you. Spiritually it could be tied into the holiday of Yom Kippur, if you keep the High Holy days with their emphasis on renewal. But any fresh start might help--even spring time. Of course I don't know exactly what will work for you. But when I need to let go of blame--both of others and myself--I usually try to find a way to mark a new beginning. For example, I might start a new journal, clean house, give some money in charity (can be small) and set my intention to move forward. Will be thinking of you.

@elainer12 The God I speak of is The One God. 'Shema Yisrael, Adonai eloheinu Adonai ehad!'

And my point is, if he can't forgive you, then he MUST NOT forgive me, and we are both doomed. As is every human who has ever lived. Those are not great odds for your children, either.

I have not really given you advice, just reasoning. If you can stand some heartfelt advice from an old soldier, go see a rabbi and place yourself before that person, male or female as you choose. Bare your soul, and then commence the work that you know you must do. Work that you need on yourself, on on your relationships. This will be painful, but the honesty, the truth, will set you free. It may also change your several relationships, and maybe not for the better. Or, if they're so bad that they can't get any worse, try to be optimistic and see if you can't drag them, and you, out of the mire in which you find yourself.

She just did.

@scottbeammeup I agree with what you said about an apology. Apologizing to my husband for marrying him without feeling true love would only make him feel worse now. I am trying to do good deeds now and pray for forgiveness.

@mir123 It is true what you said that I didn’t do anything with a bad intention. But don’t people say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions? Does this mean that God will not forgive me?
(I can’t talk to my rabbi about this because he is very close to my husband’s family so I don’t feel comfortable talking with him)

@elainer12 In my life I have sought--and received--counsel from a rabbi even if I was not part of that congregation. In my experience, almost any rabbi will counsel anyone in need (a friend of mine who is Catholic spoke several times with a rabbi she trusted to resolve a problem).