As I'm Jewish, I want to weigh in that it might be helpful to talk to a rabbi or a Jewish educator/counselor. To me, it really doesn't sound like you did anything with a bad intention. Often, if sadly, in life our relationships don't work out to their best potential. That can't be just one person's "fault." We never have much power over other adults actions. I see here the good advice to forgive yourself, but you might need to explore what that means to you. Spiritually it could be tied into the holiday of Yom Kippur, if you keep the High Holy days with their emphasis on renewal. But any fresh start might help--even spring time. Of course I don't know exactly what will work for you. But when I need to let go of blame--both of others and myself--I usually try to find a way to mark a new beginning. For example, I might start a new journal, clean house, give some money in charity (can be small) and set my intention to move forward. Will be thinking of you.