Coping with loss of DH (dear husband) and trauma of caregiving years

@kjc48 Your comments are always so encouraging and up lifting. Thank you for that!

@labrown thank you for thanking me!!!!

@kjc48
Thank you for the kind note. I don't enjoy cooking, but am an avid gardener. I belong to a garden club and, also, work in propagation for master gardeners. I have an acre lot that is pretty over planted, but it keeps me busy and provides a lot of exercise! When I worked, it was with kids with Autism and other behavioral issues. I have considered doing some volunteer work in that area. So, I am keeping busy. I have amazing friends, as well.
I also started seeing a therapist a couple of years before my husband passed. I would recommend that to anyone. She is an amazing support!
I lost my mom about 7 years ago. Still miss her, but the pain is really gone now and I am able to remember only what a wonderful, loving person she was. Memories of her support me now, as she did in life. Hang in there, time is on your side, too!

@kathy26 Thanks, Kathy. I appreciate your support too. Yesterday wasn't a great day. I fear my husband's lequembe infusions aren't helping. Then I got a note from a former neighbor whose wife with dementia has taken a turn for the worse. That stirs up anxiety - that fear of the unknown. I love the fact you're out in nature, something I need to do. I need to walk, to get the weight off around my hips. I had thin hair anyway and then all this stress from living in boxes, in a rental, because we were forced out of our house, then my husband's MCI diagnosis at the same time, we had to move out, the first rental a disaster where I lost $ from moving out early - that house had 30 ant bait boxes on the first floor alone, really in my view inhabitable with more mold, but I had to cut the loss and moved back into a hotel. I did manage to get $2K back but lost over $10K. All while we're doing all this medical with my husband. It's been a lot of back and forth - and anxiety. Now, my hair is even thinner. So wig time. I wish I had a garden to go into. That's a great stress reliever. At this point, I just have to get to end of remodel in my own house, and move on with life, whatever it deals. But I'm trying to stay positive, and I'm glad you are okay, and have lots of friends. That's what I need to cultivate but so hard to do when in limbo, and up there in years.
I'm hanging in...thanks for your support.

@colleenyoung I so appreciate your responses. "fake it till you make it" is exactly what I've been doing. Everyone tells me it looks and sounds like I'm doing great, so I guess I fake it well. But the anticipation of and preparation for faking it are exhausting. They don't see the 3 days I need to recover. These are the days when I don't answer the phone, only text so no one worries about me. I believe spring will bring more joy. Winter is always difficult for me. I hold onto that hope.

@colleenyoung I have an opportunity to go to a DJ party with the one friend i and my wife know. Most likely will not.

But, "get out" is a call to go to movies again - an escape - but i like to "keep up" before Melania goes away... and some Angel / Chosen movies that are playing like "Solo Mio" and "Only Imagine" from Mercy Me.

i miss a "normal" female conversation.
Keith

I lost my husband less than a month ago to Lewy Body and I too am struggling with things that come with grief and sorrow. No one will know exactly "your" grief but with a good support system I believe things will get easier with time, but will never go away. I have to remember to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I've got a great grief sponsor through hospice and I don't know what I would do without her. No one can tell another how to grieve, but she's there for me to vent, cry, get my anger out and to tell her my struggles and most importantly, she listens. Do you have a support system, like family or friends? I just got the book It's Ok That You're Not Ok and looking forward to reading it because for the past few weeks i haven't been ok.
I'm going to close with passing along some advice that I've been given... Stay Strong! And I pray that your struggles will become less with time....just like I pray they will be for me as well.
Love, Strength and Peace

A good friend just passed with a brain tumor, but last month he insisted that I read a book he discovered at Barnes and Noble, "A Beginner's Guide to Dying".

A most enlightening piece. Written by a 46 year old with terminal cancer and his appreciation for the wonderful life that he had experienced and his thoughts and wishes.

Makes one see things in a different way.

@keithcarey84 I try to get my hubby out too. I would go stir crazy staying housebound in these winter months. We enjoy going to the movies and having popcorn and a coke. I am not sure how much he can keep up with, but he enjoys the outing. “Solo Mia” was good, and “I Can Only Imagine 2” is next on the list. I don’t know how much longer we will be able to do these things together so I am trying to make the most of this time. We are celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary today along with Valentine’s Day. It been kind of one sided…but I want him to always know how much he means to me.

@labrown Thanks Colleen
Happy Anniversary 45th....treasure each moment. journal day to day. i have a "blog" on my reminders that keeps growing with significant events that happen with Linda. Do that please along with journaling and photographs ... when i look at the in-shape picture of Linda holding a volleyball at a private court vs the frailty she is now... the progression is/can be heartbreaking if you do not know Jesus in a personal way. Just when i accept the way things are and TRY TO KEEP ALL THE PLATES SPINNING AT HOME.... a new behavior slips in! The car appeared in a different spot in the garage this morning - more forward than the way i spot it. Linda has no knowledge of driving!
Last week or a few days before that, is a diagnosis of Frontal Lobe Decline....no Temporal yet...a Pet Scan is next. never knew about this 3-D imaging.
please keep in touch .... find a Senior CareGiver Counselor that may be in a Network like Humana. Mine can do by Video if you are interested.