The Loneliness

I just want to give all of you a big hug. I too miss the person my husband used to be but with God's help I have come to accept how he is now and the loneliness for that person who could be so funny and smart. I try to make the best of each day I have left with him. He is now at the stage where all he does is sleep all day except for when I get him up for meals. It seems that is all he has the mental capacity to do. To me it seems that his brain is tired and is preserving its energy for the work needed to sustain his life. He will answer yes or no questions and ask for more of his favorite-drink-half and half. Lots of calories in that to make up for his poor appetite. Every dementia patient is different. So far, I have been trying to determine what he can still do and work with that. My goal is to be sure that he knows he is loved and has me and his kids to take care of him. I will end with a quote I read today on "Nice News". "Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health". Bessel Van Der Kolk. This is what I am trying to provide to my husband as we go through this journey together. God bless you and send you his angels.

@kjc48

Thanks for your concern.

After the visit from the cops, I asked George's son why he thought law-enforcment intervention was necessary, and the son said that his father was extremely anxious. (George told him that I was threatening to "strip.") I also asked his son why he didn't call me first, or at least, have the decency to warn me that the cops were on there way. His response was: "Because it was an emergency."

P.S. The next day, George cried and apologized for calling "911" but he couldn't remember what caused his anxiety other than to say that he was having hallucinations. (I was home in another room at the time, and I didn't "threaten" to strip. LOL)

@georgescraftjr I am so sorry that you had to deal with the police because of George's son's advice to him. I am wondering if contacting the community outreach person at the police department, not the front desk or dispatcher, would be able to allow you to inform the police that your husband has dementia and to keep this in mind when responding to any future calls.
I would ask if they have any policies regarding interacting with dementia patients. They may have to respond to anyone that calls about feeling unsafe because sadly there are cases of abuse of elderly people. But maybe being informed ahead of time would change the tone of the interaction. Just throwing that out there because I think that this is a growing concern for dementia caregivers and perhaps the local police department has not addressed this with a specific policy. I do know that some 911 dispatchers if they are aware of the dementia will send a mental health provider along with the police officers.

I am feeling particularly sad today and I feel for you all.

We just spent a week visiting our son and his family. The visit provided joy, a wonderful distraction and much needed morale support.

I’m dreading going home and having to face these challenges alone. I don’t like burdening family and friends and still don’t feel the need for bringing in outside help.

I will continue to plan activities for us each day to help the days more enjoyable.

Loneliness is the norm for caregivers but I'm lucky in that I have 5 year old puppy that enjoys our conversations and walks. I'm also lucky in that my son will sometimes take me out for a cup of coffee and conversation. I go to the gym but not for conversation, just to exercise and that lifts my spirits. Hope this helps and welcome to a great site.

@georgescraftjr You guys are all so great. Sometimes one person says something that another may have already said, yet in a different way. So, thanks to all of us for caring, sharing, and just being supportive to one another. Sometimes posting makes us so vulnerable. But it's that vulnerability that makes us so valuable to one another. Keep posting. Karla