Newly out lesbian

Posted by Anonymous @anon20834480, Sep 9, 2012

This is difficult for me to discuss. I am a divorced 40 yr old mother of two. I’m very attractive to men and always have been. My whole life Ive believed I was straight and never gave it a second thought. A few years ago a woman walked into my life and everything changed (she was obviously lesbian). At first I thought I was just going through some weird phase and denied that it was an attraction, I chalked it up to admiration for this woman. Over time (years) I slowly worked through my feelings and accepted that I loved her. I’ve always had gay friends so I have some support. However, my family doesn’t know, though I think they suspect and they’re not happy. I haven’t officially “come out” other than to my gay friends. I feel like a liar in some regards. I still attract men because of how I look (I have no desire to change how I look). I’m very lonely due to the huge secret I’m hiding and I’m starting to think it would just be easier to go back to men or be single forever. It seems there’s too many difficulties in being gay and coming out later in life.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Mental Health group.

Over the years I have learned one thing-
Life is just too short and its not a dress rehearsal. Do what is right for you. It will be difficult, but ultimately this is your life.


I have many gay and lesbian friends and some of them didn’t ‘know’ they were gay until later in life. Some had been married and have children.
There is nothing ‘wrong’ with you!! In Denver we have any number of couselors specifically geared to help gays with this challenge. There is also a wonderful minister of a gay church that many turn to. Maybe you could ask your friends if they know of this kind of ‘specialty minister’ you could talk to…or a counselor.
You sound like a very nice, kind person, and I have a feeling you have a lot of untapped strength in you… Just please, for your own sake, don’t go to someone who will try to ‘cure’ you because they think its a ‘sin’… stay FAR away from them. 🙁
I have a good friend who was SHOCKED to find out how many friends AND relatives turned out to support her when she came out. You need to be true to yourself. Good luck! “Above all else, to thine ownself be true”… Shakespeare knew what he was talking about!


Being a lesbian or bisexual has to do with the biology of the brain. The medical profession – Psychiatry- says that it is like being left handed. Being a lesbian or bisexuall is not a choice. It is genetic. I am a heterosexual but am welcoming of people whether they are heterosexual of homosexual. At some point you should, “come out”. If people look down at you, then pity there ignorance. Explain what I have typed to those that it influences in your life.


Hi, @anon20834480 – thinking of you today and wondering how things are going? How are things with the woman you mentioned?

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