My son decided to disappear without a trace at 54 years old.

Posted by maone @maone, Tue, Jul 30 9:45am

He left his wife and family three months ago.

Jake, I do agree with you. Seems like the situation is like the proverbial onion. There are so many layers to this, emotional, legal and other things. Gosh, it also brings up the issue of an individual's personal responsibility. Nothing simple with this challenge.

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As it is now September, tax season will be here before we know it, here in the united States. The disappearance of a person in a marriage, but not their death, may raise many questions at the time of filing for taxes. i.e. will he try to disappear off the radar, how does his wife handle the tax forms, etc. This goes hand-in-hand with all the other legal aspects of a person's disappearance. Not knowing what state they reside in, there may be responsibilities his wife is on the hook for, even as he does adopt a life away from her but they remain married. As @georgette12 alluded to, there are a lot of layers here.
Ginger

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@maone, let's bring the conversation back to you. Since you shared your news of finding that your son is okay, the conversation has unfolded with many intricacies reminding us that one person's decision (your son) has a long-lasting ripple effect on many people (all the family members). People here have shared support, thoughts and logistical details that may be overwhelming you right now as you face decisions of your own – like what to do with this information and how you feel.

Know that your decisions are yours to make and you're making the best decisions with the knowledge and emotional strength you have right now. Thank you for sharing the news with the Connect community. Your virtual friends here on Connect cannot and should not tell you how to feel or how to act. But you will always find a virtual ear and virtual shoulder to lean on, as well as thoughts and prayers. You mentioned that while you're glad to find out he's okay, you're feeling hurt and sad and angry. How are managing all of those emotions?

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@maone I'm so glad you know he is o.k. what a relief for you . Prayers are the answers and you have them also keep your son in prayer God will take care of him .

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@jakedduck1

First I basically know nothing about the law but why would he have to be declared legally dead. Couldn’t she simply file for divorce on desertion grounds?
Jake

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@jakeduck
Hi

You can file for divorce due to abandonment in Florida. You may have to provide evidence that you diligently searched for your spouse and , if approved by the court, you can file for divorce but the announcement has to be publicized. In Florida I think the waiting period is 60 days after publication. Keeping records of everything, you can actually file for divorce yourself without retaining an attorney. Once divorced, she does not have to worry about any legal obligations or his debts. Since she was abandoned, she can make any decisions she wants about property ownership in the interim.

I would have an attorney do this frankly. The main thing is to get that divorce decree. And then, of course she is on her own. BTW, he will be automatically declared dead after 7 years if not heard from…..I think all states have this law. Again, documentation for every step of the way. I wouldn’t hesitate to start the proceedings if that is what she wants, then she is financially off the hook.

I’ve changed my mind about whether to inform the wife that mom has heard from him. I think I would want to know even if I never wanted to see him again. There is a part of her that may want to actually know and it could cause problems between Mom and the wife if she ever found out. Knowing may spur her on to start divorce proceedings.

It’s easy to get divorced in Florida. Even if the spouse lives in the same house but is not contributing financially…whammo..divorced and you can get the forms online.

Regards from FL Mary

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@gingerw

As it is now September, tax season will be here before we know it, here in the united States. The disappearance of a person in a marriage, but not their death, may raise many questions at the time of filing for taxes. i.e. will he try to disappear off the radar, how does his wife handle the tax forms, etc. This goes hand-in-hand with all the other legal aspects of a person's disappearance. Not knowing what state they reside in, there may be responsibilities his wife is on the hook for, even as he does adopt a life away from her but they remain married. As @georgette12 alluded to, there are a lot of layers here.
Ginger

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They filed completely separately. No property or other things involved.

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@maone

I want to thank all for prayers and please keep praying. I have news , found out he is ok but does not know I know this. Of course when I say ok, I know he has problems he has to work out. Now I’m hurt and sad and angry that he chose to quit contact with us. I am not going to try to find exactly where he is as I don’t want him running again. I feel like God has told me he is ok to bring some relief. His wife is going forward and so is his Son. They don’t want him back so I’ve decided not to tell them. It would only hurt them more. They need to go forward. Evidently he doesn’t want to go back either. I’m sure there is much I don’t know about. I want to continue to be on this and do need prayer. And want to get to know others and pray for them. God bless all of you who have cared and prayed for me. I believe praying is always answered ❤️

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@maone I’m so glad that you’ve heard something about your son! Even small bits of news are welcome! Please don’t be angry with your son. Only he knows why he left and that it was the only decision he could make at the time. I think of the prodigal son who left his family but returned after many years and was welcomed back with a celebration. I’ll continue keeping your family in my thoughts

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@maone

They filed completely separately. No property or other things involved.

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@maone Filing is different than ownership. Non of us can tell you what to do, as Colleen Young has pointed out. All I wanted to convey to you was to protect yourselves and seek out legal support for any future problems that might arise. Knowing that your son is a live is of course top priority. I am thrilled that this is so. I also have a son who I adore. And if he were to take off and not want to see me again I would think that he would not turn around and want to hurt me in anyway financially. But the future is so up in the air that many things can happen. Will you at least think about contacting a lawyer with your daughter-in-law to at least protect your grandson, especially when it comes to custody?

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They are 100s of miles from us. Grandson is grown. DIL has lawyers. I have not physically seen them in years. And son only several times in years. He called and that was it. Came for two days in March. Thanks for your concern. We have and are doing what we feel it needed to do. ❤️

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@maone

They are 100s of miles from us. Grandson is grown. DIL has lawyers. I have not physically seen them in years. And son only several times in years. He called and that was it. Came for two days in March. Thanks for your concern. We have and are doing what we feel it needed to do. ❤️

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@maone– I apologize. I got the mistaken impression that your grandson was very young and he and your DIL were my concern. Now that you have spoken to him and know that he is alive how has this changed your forward thinking?

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I meant before he disappeared he called me but not afterwards. Thanks for replying to me. There are always many things that people don’t know about everything. I have not said many things to protect others. I reached out because I was hurting. I am still hurting. I was hurting before when there was not much communication from the family but you take what you can get. Things can always be worse or better. I want to be able to reach out and help others also. When people started saying I should do this or that I almost stopped responding as I don’t need more stress but less. I have Fibromyalgia and this has not helped it of course. I’m only trying to do what is right for everyone involved. One cannot make another care or love them. Or even communicate with them. One doesn’t want to be lied to either as then you can’t trust them. I still believe that prayer is the best thing and to be doing what one feels like God wants them to do in circumstances. May God bless you ❤️

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@maone

I meant before he disappeared he called me but not afterwards. Thanks for replying to me. There are always many things that people don’t know about everything. I have not said many things to protect others. I reached out because I was hurting. I am still hurting. I was hurting before when there was not much communication from the family but you take what you can get. Things can always be worse or better. I want to be able to reach out and help others also. When people started saying I should do this or that I almost stopped responding as I don’t need more stress but less. I have Fibromyalgia and this has not helped it of course. I’m only trying to do what is right for everyone involved. One cannot make another care or love them. Or even communicate with them. One doesn’t want to be lied to either as then you can’t trust them. I still believe that prayer is the best thing and to be doing what one feels like God wants them to do in circumstances. May God bless you ❤️

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Hello @maone,

I'm glad that you stated that:

"When people started saying I should do this or that I almost stopped responding as I don’t need more stress but less."

Thanks for that important reminder~

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@maone

I meant before he disappeared he called me but not afterwards. Thanks for replying to me. There are always many things that people don’t know about everything. I have not said many things to protect others. I reached out because I was hurting. I am still hurting. I was hurting before when there was not much communication from the family but you take what you can get. Things can always be worse or better. I want to be able to reach out and help others also. When people started saying I should do this or that I almost stopped responding as I don’t need more stress but less. I have Fibromyalgia and this has not helped it of course. I’m only trying to do what is right for everyone involved. One cannot make another care or love them. Or even communicate with them. One doesn’t want to be lied to either as then you can’t trust them. I still believe that prayer is the best thing and to be doing what one feels like God wants them to do in circumstances. May God bless you ❤️

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@maone– Thank you for clearing this up. I'm sure that you will feel hurt for quite a while. I can feel how you love your son and wish him the best, but want him around you. I have found that the more information given the better that I can respond. But your pain is what is important here as you are the one who has posted. Now that you have a bit of relief how are your days? How are you coping now?

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I’m trying to take one day at a time and be thankful for that. I’m alone a lot but that’s ok. I have a husband who loves me and is in agreement with me so that also helps. He works full time and we are blessed he still can. He loves his job also. That is a blessing also. I have plenty of things at home to keep me busy when I am feeling up to do them. Thanks for asking. Knowing others do care helps also and I care for others. I want to reach out and try to help others as I know there’s always a blessing in that. ❤️

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@maone– I know that you want to reach out and you are to those who need support. Connect is a wonderful place to help heal yourself by doing just that! I thank you.

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