My son decided to disappear without a trace at 54 years old.

Posted by maone @maone, Tue, Jul 30 9:45am

He left his wife and family three months ago.

Hello @maone and welcome to Mayo Connect
I am so sorry to hear of this very difficult experience that you and your family are going through. I am sure that you are doing all you can to locate him, but without any results, it must be hard to stay the course. How are his wife and children coping? How are you coping?

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I assume he quit his job as well?
Jake

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@maone Has his wife and family been able to pinpoint any changes in behavior before he left? What about any medical or emotional conditions he might have been dealing with? Has anyone filed a missing person report? While that may not sound very positive, what steps have been taken to locate him? We are concerned for the toll this is taking on you, and his family.
Ginger

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@maone – My heart is reaching out to you. So, so sorry about your loss. At 54 or 4 – they are still our little boys. I don't have any advice or help. I'm just hoping that he will get through his process and reach out to you and his other family. As a mom, my heart aches for you. Please, will you keep us posted on how things are going?

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Yes, @maone, if there is anything else you would like to share about this frightening experience, please do so as you feel comfortable.

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@maone – What a very very heart breaking time this must be for you and your family. Were you close to your son and his family? Has the family decided to look for him?

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Yes, very close. He had come to see us in March for two nights? We think this was a good bye visit ? I can’t explain what I feel. Not like I’ve ever felt before and his wife is devastated also. He left a good job also. Of course we know many reasons he might do this but he ran from the very people who loved him the most. He was a joy to be around always and loved many things. No crime record ever. He left a note but it didn’t make sense? Actually I found these replies in my junk mail ? I’d appreciate any prayers for us. God bless you for replying

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@gingerw

@maone Has his wife and family been able to pinpoint any changes in behavior before he left? What about any medical or emotional conditions he might have been dealing with? Has anyone filed a missing person report? While that may not sound very positive, what steps have been taken to locate him? We are concerned for the toll this is taking on you, and his family.
Ginger

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We are doing what one can. Because he left a note to us we know that he was planning this for several years but never thought he would do this. We can look back and see the warnings. We think he left so he wouldn’t hurt us ? Because of problems he had. But this is the worst thing he could have done. He knew his wife would be ok financially and be able to live where she is. We think he thought that he would keep her from being successful? But she loved him completely and they were very good to each other? Thanks for your concern.

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@debbraw

@maone – My heart is reaching out to you. So, so sorry about your loss. At 54 or 4 – they are still our little boys. I don't have any advice or help. I'm just hoping that he will get through his process and reach out to you and his other family. As a mom, my heart aches for you. Please, will you keep us posted on how things are going?

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Thanks so much for caring! It seems no one wants to hear something like this, like they don’t want to bother their family. I’m really hoping this site is safe. It helps to talk to others. He was such a joy growing up. We feel that a person caused this change in him. But thought he was his old self until this. He was so sweet and loving and tender hearted and loved to do most everything. I know loss is always bad but I think this is worse? Anyway thanks to you for caring. It has been over three months now and nothing.

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@jakedduck1

I assume he quit his job as well?
Jake

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Yes, a very good one and his boss really liked his work. He told them he had a family emergency ? I guess the emergency was him?

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@hopeful33250

Hello @maone and welcome to Mayo Connect
I am so sorry to hear of this very difficult experience that you and your family are going through. I am sure that you are doing all you can to locate him, but without any results, it must be hard to stay the course. How are his wife and children coping? How are you coping?

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Thanks so much. Yes, all that we could do has been done. We think he has taken on a new identity. He had been looking at a book called Leaving without a trace. I think he has not contacted anyone he ever knew. He was never a person to break the law in any way. We think he felt he didn’t have any other choice but this. He couldn’t have known how much it would hurt us for him to do this. It puts us in a club we never wanted to be in?

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@hopeful33250

Hello @maone and welcome to Mayo Connect
I am so sorry to hear of this very difficult experience that you and your family are going through. I am sure that you are doing all you can to locate him, but without any results, it must be hard to stay the course. How are his wife and children coping? How are you coping?

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You are a mentor! I wonder why the email replies went to my junk mail? I’m not sure I’m using this right ? I was surprised to see the replies I got. I hope I haven’t missed any. Thank you very much

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@maone

Thanks so much. Yes, all that we could do has been done. We think he has taken on a new identity. He had been looking at a book called Leaving without a trace. I think he has not contacted anyone he ever knew. He was never a person to break the law in any way. We think he felt he didn’t have any other choice but this. He couldn’t have known how much it would hurt us for him to do this. It puts us in a club we never wanted to be in?

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Hello @maone,

I'm glad that you found our replies. Sometimes notifications do get into my Spam filter as well.
I can't imagine how confused you and his wife must be. I suppose hindsight is always 20/20 and now you can see the warning signs.
Please feel free to share your hurt and confusion as you wish. We are here to read your posts and be a listening ear.
I will certainly pray for you and your son.

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@maone My thoughts and prayers are with all of you I cant imagine the hurt you all feel. So sorry for your lose the not knowing has to be terrible .

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@maone

Thanks so much. Yes, all that we could do has been done. We think he has taken on a new identity. He had been looking at a book called Leaving without a trace. I think he has not contacted anyone he ever knew. He was never a person to break the law in any way. We think he felt he didn’t have any other choice but this. He couldn’t have known how much it would hurt us for him to do this. It puts us in a club we never wanted to be in?

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I am sorry this happened to you and your family. Though people can post on this website, we can't take away your hurt. However, we can listen to your feelings.

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