My son decided to disappear without a trace at 54 years old.

Posted by maone @maone, Jul 30, 2019

He left his wife and family three months ago.

@ihtak46

Hi All:
Had a really difficult day today
It is still so very hard to accept.
Today was an extremely bad day for me as if I just realized she
was gone! I need help and people to talk to. I needed it today. Its been bad enough but today for some reason it was just horrible. I woke up crying and like ‘suddenly’ realized my daughter was gone. She passed June 3. I cried almost all day til I gave myself a terrible headache. Everything today reminded me that she was gone. Everything. I broke down crying all day, husband tried to comfort me but I kept it up. Felt ill, my face hurt! I could NOT believe she was really gone. Am I going to have days like this? It was horrible. My eyes ached, I couldnt have lost her. I couldn't eat, I just cried! I still cant seem to realize shes gone! Horrible day today.
I dont hear from many people on Mayo Connect. Where do I go so people can write me so we can share stories and seek help from each other. I guess im still unsure how this works.
Thank you.
I cant sleep so thats why im writing now. Its 1:00 am.

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@ihtak46 Kathi, my heart hurts for you. I honestly cannot even begin to comprehend the grief you must feel. If it was my daughter I know I too would be inconsolable.
I agree with what others have mentioned, have you sought out some group grief counseling? I think that might be very helpful and supportive for you. I think what @merpreb said is very true too. The grief will never go away but over time will become less sharp.
Prayers are with you in this horribly difficult time.
Hugs, JK

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@maone

So very sorry you are hurting so bad. Praying for you ! Praying for peace and comfort ! It was so very good you were very close and did have good memories together. Try to at times dwell on these very blessings. Easily said but hard to do I know. Know that I am praying for you and I definitely know the deep hurting feeling. My son has been gone since May. Not one word about where he may be. One day I think I might hear from him but the next day I don’t think I’ll ever know if he’s dead or alive or may never know. How do I deal with this. Not good many times but I believe in God my Father and know He knows all and cares. I cling to Jesus His Son who went through such pain so that one day all hurts and pain will go away for ever to be no more. How wonderful Heaven must be. If not for God I don’t think I could take this at all but having Jesus makes me feel much better and also gives me love for your hurting. God bless you and comfort you I pray !
❤️

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@maone Do you have any other family you are able to share your feelings with? I am so glad to hear you get strength and comfort from God our father. Each day I pray for you and for all of those who are hurting whether it be emotional pain or physical pain such as I suffer from. Blessings to you.

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@ihtak46

Thank you Merry.
It is still so very difficult. So sudden!!!
Today was an extremely bad day for me as if I just realized she
was gone! I need help and people to talk to. I needed it today. Its been bad enough but today for some reason it was just horrible. I woke up crying and like ‘suddenly’ realized my daughter was gone. She passed June 3. I cried almost all day til I gave myself a terrible headache. Everything today reminded me that she was gone. Everything. I broke down crying all day, husband tried to comfort me but I kept it up. Felt ill, my face hurt! I could NOT believe she was really gone. Am I going to have days like this? It was horrible. My eyes ached, I couldnt have lost her. I couldn't eat, I just cried! I still cant seem to realize shes gone! Horrible day today.
I dont hear from many people on Mayo Connect. Where do I go so people can write me so we can share stories and seek help from each other. I guess im still unsure how this works.
Thank you.
I cant sleep so thats why im writing now. Its12:30. gone….

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@ihtak46 Kathi this is a lovely photo of you and your daughter (what is her name?) Was this pic taken on your recent girls trip before she passed so suddenly? I'm sorry you turned to us but feel no one is replying. I'd like to help yobu with that if I can. PLEASE be assured that you are getting responses to your postings.Will you please give me some information–how are you accessing Connect? Via email or going to the Mayo Clinic Connect web site? How this works in a nutshell is you post in one of the groups LOSS & GRIEF etc. Usually the next day but sometimes minutes later someone responds. You then get notification in your email or just a notification on Connect at the bell up at the top. This format is different than some message boards I have participated in where there seems to always be someone online–the type when you see the group, join, ask a question/post feelings and someone instantly responds.Does that make sense?
Well it sure sounds like you had a rough day yesterday. I can remember feeling like that when my mom died. My head hurt, my eyes hurt from constant sobbing. I was so glad when sleep finally overtook my weary body and mind. My husband had to step in and take me to the doctor to get a mild sedative because I just could not function. My mom and I were so close.Her death was totally unexpected. She died of septicemia. She was found on the floor of her home after falling three days earlier. Her beloved Golden Retriever was right by her side. I lived in Virginia, she lived in NJ. I went and took the dog home with me, visited her in the hospital where she now was in stable condition. My mom thought she knew everything when it came to health and medicine. Drove me crazy. Years earlier she was diagnosed and sucessfully treated from colon cancer, the very thing my father died of at the age of 51. This time mom wasn't feeling well and thought for sure her colon cancer had returned. She would not go to the doctor due to her fear. Well in the hospital this time it was discovered she had a severe UTI. The hospital doctors treated her with everything they could but she wold not survive. She passed away November 17 2002 @ 4 am. You just never know. The meds helped and I began therapy with a terrific counselor.

Kathi I saw this on the Compassionate Friends web site https://www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/to-the-newly-bereaved/
"The Compassionate Friends also hosts the Worldwide Candle Lighting the second Sunday in December, officially at 7 p.m. local time around the globe, creating a wave of light in memory of all children who have gone too soon." I think that would a lovely way to honor your daughter and all that she meant to the people in her life. What do you think? Do you think seeing a physician and a counselor would be something you could do? How is your husband holding up?
Wishing you peace.
Jen, Volunteer Mentor

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I still feel the pain and loneliness of when my wife decided to take her own life. That was in 2013. We worked at the same hospital. She didn’t leave a note, and will never know Why. I think of her quite often. When I was sick with a failing liver, my doctor told my family I was dying. I do hope you find peace and there are many persons here that will be there for you

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Hello @johnshaw,
I appreciate your sharing your experience. I'm so sorry for your loss. You mentioned that you had a failing liver. How are you feeling now?

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Since Jan I have changed my life. Don’t drink or smoke. On a strict Veg diet, doing quite well now.

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@johnshaw

Since Jan I have changed my life. Don’t drink or smoke. On a strict Veg diet, doing quite well now.

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@johnshaw
That is so good to hear! Do you ever anticipate having a liver transplant in the future?

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@johnshaw

I still feel the pain and loneliness of when my wife decided to take her own life. That was in 2013. We worked at the same hospital. She didn’t leave a note, and will never know Why. I think of her quite often. When I was sick with a failing liver, my doctor told my family I was dying. I do hope you find peace and there are many persons here that will be there for you

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@johnshaw I am so sorry about your wife. It is hard to lose any loved one but losing them to suicide, particularly when you have no idea of the reason, has to be particularly difficult.
I hope you are doing better with your liver. I too had liver problems and had a transplant 3 year ago.
JK

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@sandytoes14

@maone Do you have any other family you are able to share your feelings with? I am so glad to hear you get strength and comfort from God our father. Each day I pray for you and for all of those who are hurting whether it be emotional pain or physical pain such as I suffer from. Blessings to you.

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Thanks so much for your prayers for me. We don’t have any family close at all. Which makes all of this worse but then like I said, I have our Father all the time. I have been comforted with comments from this site. I’m glad I got on it. I am enjoying reading other’s comments and learning more how to use it but still am getting my replies in my junk mail? Not my normal mail. Just don’t know how to fix that. God bless you for your prayers ❤️

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@maone

Thanks so much for your prayers for me. We don’t have any family close at all. Which makes all of this worse but then like I said, I have our Father all the time. I have been comforted with comments from this site. I’m glad I got on it. I am enjoying reading other’s comments and learning more how to use it but still am getting my replies in my junk mail? Not my normal mail. Just don’t know how to fix that. God bless you for your prayers ❤️

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I have a thought on how replies can end up in junk mail. I am thinking it could be the result if the person sending you the reply inadvertently replied by clicking on the wrong icon when replying. Sometimes I wasn't sure how to reply when I first got on the forum. See who's replies are coming through Junk mail. It doesn't make sense that you get some replies and not others

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@georgette12

I have a thought on how replies can end up in junk mail. I am thinking it could be the result if the person sending you the reply inadvertently replied by clicking on the wrong icon when replying. Sometimes I wasn't sure how to reply when I first got on the forum. See who's replies are coming through Junk mail. It doesn't make sense that you get some replies and not others

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Oh. Unless ALL replies are coming through junk mail. In that case maybe you inadvertently have mayo clinic forum under a "spam" alert. If so, unblock the forum.

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@georgette12

Oh. Unless ALL replies are coming through junk mail. In that case maybe you inadvertently have mayo clinic forum under a "spam" alert. If so, unblock the forum.

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Good tips, @georgette12
@maone to prevent Connect-related emails from going to your junk mail, add Connect's sender address "@n1.hubapplication.com" to your safe sender list. Here are instructions on how to do this for various email types:
– AOL http://www.subscribermail.com/safe-list/address-book-aol-mail.html
– Gmail, Outlook and Yahoo http://onlinegroups.net/blog/2014/02/25/how-to-whitelist-an-email-address/

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@maone

Thanks so much for your prayers for me. We don’t have any family close at all. Which makes all of this worse but then like I said, I have our Father all the time. I have been comforted with comments from this site. I’m glad I got on it. I am enjoying reading other’s comments and learning more how to use it but still am getting my replies in my junk mail? Not my normal mail. Just don’t know how to fix that. God bless you for your prayers ❤️

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@maone I use yahoo! mail, and find that if there are emails in my spam that shouldn't be, after repeated moving them back to inbox by choosing them then saying "not spam", eventually yahoo! gets the message and they come in to the inbox. Likewise just the opposite for spam mail that ends up in my inbox. Hope this helps you some!
Ginger

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@gingerw

@maone I use yahoo! mail, and find that if there are emails in my spam that shouldn't be, after repeated moving them back to inbox by choosing them then saying "not spam", eventually yahoo! gets the message and they come in to the inbox. Likewise just the opposite for spam mail that ends up in my inbox. Hope this helps you some!
Ginger

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@maone Thinking about you today and hoping you’re ok. What have you been doing to keep yourself positive?

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@sandytoes14

@maone Do you have any other family you are able to share your feelings with? I am so glad to hear you get strength and comfort from God our father. Each day I pray for you and for all of those who are hurting whether it be emotional pain or physical pain such as I suffer from. Blessings to you.

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I want to thank all for prayers and please keep praying. I have news , found out he is ok but does not know I know this. Of course when I say ok, I know he has problems he has to work out. Now I’m hurt and sad and angry that he chose to quit contact with us. I am not going to try to find exactly where he is as I don’t want him running again. I feel like God has told me he is ok to bring some relief. His wife is going forward and so is his Son. They don’t want him back so I’ve decided not to tell them. It would only hurt them more. They need to go forward. Evidently he doesn’t want to go back either. I’m sure there is much I don’t know about. I want to continue to be on this and do need prayer. And want to get to know others and pray for them. God bless all of you who have cared and prayed for me. I believe praying is always answered ❤️

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