My son decided to disappear without a trace at 54 years old.

@maone I am so glad you have found out part of the puzzle! While it must be confusing as to the reasons he did what he did, finding out he is okay must surely have brightened your day! Accept that he is okay, as in alive, and perhaps with time he will contact you, and realize how his disappearance hurt so many people. Rest well tonight.
Ginger

Thank you for sharing the news that you found out your son is alive. I too want to say that knowing the truth can become a burden under some circumstances. I support you doing whatever you feel is right in terms of notifying his family . My own experience has been different. When I did not know where he was, it was intolerable. All sorts of images in my head. When my son committed suicide, I then knew where he was. The pain is still intolerable but it's a different kind of pain. If your son's wife and son are going through this kind of hell on earth, as you have just gone through, not knowing if he was alive or dead, I wonder if knowing the truth would help them move on. What's that old saying? "The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know. "

Hello @maone
I'm so glad to hear that you have some information about your son, now. I can tell how relieved you are just to know that he is OK. It sounds as if you are making some wise decisions about not seeking out more information about where he is. Keep posting, I'd like to know how you are doing.

Thank you so very much ! There is great relief in knowing this. I am at peace with what I have decided. I believe now that continued praying is best for me to do. Thanks for your input so much. ❤️

Oh. Unless ALL replies are coming through junk mail. In that case maybe you inadvertently have mayo clinic forum under a "spam" alert. If so, unblock the forum.

@maone - It must be so reassuring to know that your son is alive. Although I know that you want to protect your daughter-in-law and grandchild and this is commendable. But what if he returns and you haven't told them that you know that he has been alive all this time.
I can only try to put myself in your "intellectual" place and think what I would do. I am in no way trying to judge you. I am trying to make sure of all possibilities. It might also help them move on more peacefully, as it hopefully will do for you. And their is also the legal side. What if your daughter-in-law wants to remarry? She would have to have him legally declared deceased to go forward and would be protected if he suddenly turned up. He wouldn't be able to take anything from her either.

@maone - It must be so reassuring to know that your son is alive. Although I know that you want to protect your daughter-in-law and grandchild and this is commendable. But what if he returns and you haven't told them that you know that he has been alive all this time.
I can only try to put myself in your "intellectual" place and think what I would do. I am in no way trying to judge you. I am trying to make sure of all possibilities. It might also help them move on more peacefully, as it hopefully will do for you. And their is also the legal side. What if your daughter-in-law wants to remarry? She would have to have him legally declared deceased to go forward and would be protected if he suddenly turned up. He wouldn't be able to take anything from her either.

@maone @merpreb I never even thought about the legal considerations. If his wife does want to remarry I don't think it's that easy to declare him deceased but perhaps after a certain amount of time, it can be declared that he has abandoned her and his child? I am sure all of that varies by state. It is complex.
JK

@jakedduck1- That would depend on the state and it's laws. Usually when a person disappears a declaration of death needs to be made. Divorce is for living people.