My son decided to disappear without a trace at 54 years old.

Posted by maone @maone, Tue, Jul 30 9:45am

He left his wife and family three months ago.

@maone

I don’t think he did. There were signs that he planned this. His visit to us was one. I tried talking to him but he wouldn’t talk about anything private. Never would. This all tends to go back to a first marriage? He was never the same after that. It was still a ongoing problem. I think he was running from that as to not put more hurt on us but didn’t really realize what it might do to us. You can’t run from things. He left the very people who could help him most. Maybe he just didn’t care anymore? It’s so very hard trying to figure it out when one feels like they have lost a part of their body. Thanks for caring ❤️

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Hello @maone,

All of your guesses about what happened to your son will probably not offer you much relief because they are just guesses. There is really no way to know what was going on in his mind when he disappeared.

I would like to suggest that you begin posting in Loss and Grief group. While most of the people in this group have experienced a loss due to the death of a loved one or friend, other losses are discussed there as well. I'm sure you will find some support. I encourage you to post in the discussion titled, "Loss When There is No Closure." This would very much fit your current situation.

https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/loss-what-do-you-do-when-there-is-no-closure/

Please keep in touch!

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@hopeful33250

Hello @maone,

All of your guesses about what happened to your son will probably not offer you much relief because they are just guesses. There is really no way to know what was going on in his mind when he disappeared.

I would like to suggest that you begin posting in Loss and Grief group. While most of the people in this group have experienced a loss due to the death of a loved one or friend, other losses are discussed there as well. I'm sure you will find some support. I encourage you to post in the discussion titled, "Loss When There is No Closure." This would very much fit your current situation.

https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/loss-what-do-you-do-when-there-is-no-closure/

Please keep in touch!

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Thanks so much !

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@maone Hello. Your son's disappearance must be very worrisome. I hope he will contact you soon and let you know that he is ok. Do you think he possibly left to start a new life? Or do you think something could have happened to him?

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We think he had been planning it. He only left a note. Then nothing else. Left the ones who love him the most. As far as we know hasn’t contacted anyone he ever knew. He had been reading a book about leaving without a trace. He never had a crime record of any kind. But had on going problems from a first wife. I think he thought there was no solution but this. He wasn’t thinking about how devastated we all would be. Thanks for your concern ❤️

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I had posted on the group called Just wanting to talk. I think it was called. They suggested this group.

Liked by Leonard

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Hello @maone,

Just a thought: Have you and your family ever considered the possibility that your son may be in a witness protection program? I'm not sure how you would ever find out for sure about that, but it might fit the picture of what happened to him, especially since he visited beforehand and left clues that indicated that he knew something was about to change in his life.

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@hopeful33250

Hello @maone,

Just a thought: Have you and your family ever considered the possibility that your son may be in a witness protection program? I'm not sure how you would ever find out for sure about that, but it might fit the picture of what happened to him, especially since he visited beforehand and left clues that indicated that he knew something was about to change in his life.

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Yes,I had thought of this but like you said,no way of finding out. Thanks for caring

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@maone

Yes,I had thought of this but like you said,no way of finding out. Thanks for caring

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@maone Wishing you much peace as you reconcile yourself to this disturbing change in your family.

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@hopeful33250

Hello @maone,

All of your guesses about what happened to your son will probably not offer you much relief because they are just guesses. There is really no way to know what was going on in his mind when he disappeared.

I would like to suggest that you begin posting in Loss and Grief group. While most of the people in this group have experienced a loss due to the death of a loved one or friend, other losses are discussed there as well. I'm sure you will find some support. I encourage you to post in the discussion titled, "Loss When There is No Closure." This would very much fit your current situation.

https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/loss-what-do-you-do-when-there-is-no-closure/

Please keep in touch!

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You know I posted in this group and I think I only got one response from the mentor?.

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@maone

You know I posted in this group and I think I only got one response from the mentor?.

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Hello @maone,

As I look through the responses, I see that several mentors have responded to your posts as well as other members. As you are new to the Connect community you might not realize that other members respond to the posts as well as the mentors.

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@maone

Thanks so much !

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@maone Even though you feel he may have been planning this and that he may have felt he was doing this to protect others, I would file a missing persons report. If you have anything that they can get DNA from and keep it in their files, or anything with his fingerprints, all of this can be kept in a national or even International database. If his fingerprints or DNA come up anywhere they can be run through the data base and you may have some additional answers of what is going on. I know that this seems very clinical and dry, but it would help give closure. Like all of the others here I hope that you continue to keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.
Ginger

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I agree that submitting a missing person's report is a good idea. Anything that you can cross off your list, that you've tried, is at a tiny thing to give you a sense of doing something. I am reading your posts and am again grateful that we have this forum of caring people. Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts.

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@maone

You know I posted in this group and I think I only got one response from the mentor?.

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Hello @maone, Are you checking your Spam filter. Sometimes posts do get put in there on occasion.

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@maone

You know I posted in this group and I think I only got one response from the mentor?.

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@maone – I know that you are undergoing a shocking change in your life, and again I can't imagine what you are going through. I can only imagine. The position of a volunteer mentor is not necessarily to "lead" a group. We started here just like everyone, looking for support and answers. As mentors we try and draw people out and share experiences, not to "rule over the nest." We welcome new members and hep guide discussions, staying away from controversial topics. We also help guide other members to join in conversations who might not be in a particular group, etc.
Mayo connect is a on-line community based on lots of inputs from lots of people, from all over the world. After I answered your first post so many people, including other mentors, came to your support that I didn't feel that it was necessary to basically say much of the same things. And what I mean by this is that what you are going through is so horrific that some of us really don't know what to say after our first response.
I am sorry if you have felt abandoned. If there is more that we can do or say please help guide us so that we do the best that we can for you.

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@maone

You know I posted in this group and I think I only got one response from the mentor?.

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@maone I, too, have been following your story, but could not think of anything new to help you. The whole story is just too horrible and I can’t begin to tell you how bad I feel for you and your family. Do your sons friends know of places he liked to visit or just go to? Has he used a credit card at all? This can be traced. Also using an ATM can be traced. I’m sure you’ve done it all and I’m not much help. Please know that I think of you every day and pray for the best outcome.

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