Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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I can really relate and coincidently, I have recently been given a diagnosis of Atypical Depression. I’m 55 and unemployed. I hate not having a job; it’s what kept me going for all of my life. I do lots of volunteer work and I find that extremely “therapeutic”. Helping other people takes your mind off of the awful way you feel.

I also have the same experiences with people who say they care. Somehow, I keep trying to find someone who is in the same boat as I am and really wants a friend (a “true” friend).

I’m sorry things are so difficult for you now. I liked what you said at the end, though. You said that you’d had a great life. You had something I didn’t… I know they say not to live in the past, however, when you’re in some of your darkest moments, why not try thinking back to the way you felt when things were good? Also, I wonder if there are some positive things from that time that you could use to make things better now. For example, what kinds of things were you skilled at doing or did you have anything you did for enjoyment? I realize that when you’re depressed, it feels like all of that is so out of reach — I’ve been through that a lot. But every now and then, I’ll see a little light in the tunnel and start listening to music from the past or get out my coloring book. It helps me get through at least part of the day.

I hope that maybe something I said might be helpful. Even if you know that there are people, like me, who understand what you’re going through and do care. Take care of yourself. Sharon

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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Hi, @prescott. Just checking in to see how things are going. I remember you were having some treatment for your heart and also that you were feeling kind of depressed. How are things going for you now?

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@rick807

I’m so tired of pretending everything is ok.Sometimes it feels like my head gonna explode.I really dont know to do.Help

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Hello @magspierce

I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing. I hope all is going well for you.

Could you drop us a note, we would love to hear from you again!

Teresa

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Hi @paracat ….. when I read your post, I almost passed out…..I could have written it myself! I’m 72, divorced after 40 years, and have struggled with anxiety and depression since I was probably a young teen. I only got it treated when I was in my early 50’s or late 40’s when everytime I turned on the shower I would start to cry. And now, at 72, I have moved closer to where my kids live, which I now feel was a mistake, as I loved where I lived, had my own condo, friends, church, and had been there for 30 years. It’s hard pulling up roots at this age and trying to replant. I’ve been here 2 years now and I’m getting used to it. I don’t like it, but it’s where I am. Like you, I’m a Christian, so it makes it extra hard …. I wrestle with guilt, even though it was an abusive relationship. This time of year all the memories flow back from short trips to the mountains.
Anyhow, I do encourage you to see a professional. I have been in therapy for many years with a PsyD, and on medication nearly as long. It really has helped, but I think this is just something that’s genetic. Do see a professional ….. I hurt for you because I know exactly how you’re feeling. Do you have a church where you are comfortable? Are there any women’s groups where you would feel comfortable? Down here in VA there is no Western Orthodox, which I am, so I have gone to church with my daughter. It’s not the same and I just don’t feel like I fit.
Don’t make any hasty decisions while you’re feeling like this. My kids hounded me for 5 years to move closer to them, and now I wish I had not done that. And please, my friend, do see a professional. If you have a family doctor you trust who could give you a recommendation, that would be a good start.
Blessings,
abby

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The only way to deal with depression (for me) is to befriend the beast. A depression is a hole with no end.

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@parus

The only way to deal with depression (for me) is to befriend the beast. A depression is a hole with no end.

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@parus
I love your picture of the duck! Was that done with colored pencils or water color?

I’m interested in your comment, “The only way to deal with depression (for me) is to befriend the beast.” If you don’t mind sharing a bit more, give us an example of what you mean by that.

For example, when depression hits you, how do you befriend it? You are so good with words and I have a feeling there will be an interesting meaning to that thought.

Teresa

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@hopeful33250 The gray duck is a self portrait in watercolor. As to answering your inquiry about befriending the beast-uh, that will take some concentration to put the answer into an intelligent life form (i.e. words).
My word for the day is splenetic. The beast has taken the form of a large mower driven by a neighbor-the frequency of that beast with the large container collecting fallen damp (a damp shame) leaves which have been ignited and the neighborhood is filled with thick smoke. He has been running that beast for nearly 3 hours. He waits for more leaves to fall and keeps roaring about on the red beast with the gray tail. Boys and their toys.
I do believe I answered your question with a bizarre twist.
SLENETIC ad nauseam. The master of the beast trains security guards at the prison. Seriously. Not messing with him. Very small yard for such a BIG mower.

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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Has anyone considered Ketamine? I’m trying to determine just how one goes about getting it prescribed. Robbinr

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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Hello @robbinr

I see that Ketamine has been discussed in our Chronic Pain discussion group, here is the link to that conversation, https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/welcome-please-introduce-yourself-welcome-to-the-new-chronic-pain-group-im/?pg=113#comment-74997

Also, I see on the webmd website there is an article about Ketamine use for depression, https://www.webmd.com/depression/news/20140923/ketamine-depression#1

Please read these links, it might help to educate you on the current ways it is used for treatment.

Teresa

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Jump to this post

The information regarding Ketamine states it works approximately 7 to 10 days and then an additional dosage is required. Studies have not determined the length of time that one might use Ketamine and/or what the long term effect might be at this time.

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

Jump to this post

There are times when depression brings a person (e.g. me) to a place where I believe I cannot be effectively reached. Despite the very best efforts of those who love me most, I feel separated from humanity (in a sense) – separated, with understanding that no human can remove the suffering that bleeds through depression. Further, there are few people (outside of those with depression) that have objective sense about the succulent properties of depression on the brain.

For me, I use my left-brain to every potential I own. I remind myself that I am never alone. No matter religious beliefs, there are people who truly love me deeply. They may not have the salve to heal the burning wound – but intellectually, I remind myself that if they had that salve, they would bathe me in it incessantly.

That is love and personal care. The knowledge that if others could solve this problem on our behalf, they would tirelessly do so. But reality speaks louder – and the solution is with fate, or something true and present, but also something not fully in our awareness.

When low, low, I would encourage you to FIRST (and before seeking to help others) think about those who love you and would love to see you well. They may feel helpless or ineffective. They may feel their words are harmful. They may not know the depths of your lowness, or be able to relate to your words of despair. But it does not equate to not caring.

I think your first and best action (even if in private) is to thank and thank and thank those that love you and stick with you – even if there is a barrier that makes you feel ignored or misunderstood. Invite these people into your life and soul. Create space for the way they may feel (frustrated, so sad, hopeful, out of control).

In my experience, it invites richness to living. While we cannot know the specifics of the pains, joys and challenges of those we love – we care, we love them through their challenge, we try to make a positive difference.

Embrace those who love you (as they are – as we are); as imperfect healers – human. I believe sensing that connection (one likely present, but invisible in the midst of despair) is a ripe opportunity to be lifted. Not always, not perfectly.

The thought is to stay connected to those who love you most. Help them help you – they will then be more inclined to do the same, when they suffer.

That conscious presence – without judgment, but with knowledge that those who love you really do want to help and understand, is golden and necessary for each of us.

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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@resolve

Is this message directed at a particular person? If so, it would be helpful if you include the address of the person in your message. I.e. @resolve . That way, that person would know you’re talking to them. Of course, if you’re just addressing the whole discussion group, no @… is used.

Since I read it and am responding to it, let me say that having a supportive person or group of people who love you is a wonderful thing, indeed. I’m blessed to have a loving wife and family, and an understanding pastor, all of whom have been a great help to me in different ways and at different times.

Do you have such people as you describe in your own life? I hope you do.

Jim

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The “D” word is ever daunting. Striving to be content internally and allow my mind to rest into my body rather than tying my body into complicated, tangled knows. Moments of lucidity are cherished. I would that I had the energy to accomplish even a few of the things I would like to accomplish. It is within me-need to cease looking so hard and stay in the moment-focus. Ever spell focus backwards???

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The villain has returned. Telling self it is inevitable. My constant companion that goes about lurk, lurk, lurking and returns without warning or bidding. Some distant Nirvana with the gray mist of Gehenna. Cannot have one without the other. Things to learn from both.

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