Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Depression & Anxiety Support Group.

As liz223 said, I now know that my anxiety began as an early teen due to a poor self image. I don't think anyone who knew me would have ever guessed that was the case either then or as I got older. I put on a mask of superiority and arrogance which made me a less than wonderful person to be around – I think I made a lot of effort to make others feel what I felt inside – what a jackass. Getting chronically ill gave me lots of time for introspection and then my anxiety became depression because of the hurt that I was certain I had left in my wake. My family stuck with me and have been great support and I have made some pretty amazing strides in my head – no arrogance about that, just very grateful that I have learned that being vulnerable, compassionate, and empathetic is a far better way to go through life. I am impressed by everyone who opens up about their depression because it is not viewed in the same light as other diseases, but we all can help people understand that and we will have done just a bit to make it easier for the next folks who fall prey to this nasty condition!
Thanks for all your ideas and suggestions, Gary

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@nikki1234

People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get over cancer. I don't get happy people.

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@anniegk — I am really sorry to hear this year has felt like hell, with no end in sight. I, too, hope answers can be found in some of these studies on anxiety and depression.

With you, @anniegk.

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@littleonefmohio

@seeker70 I can relate to your depression. I also had it since I was a kid and now a senior. It is mild sometimes but mostly it stand its ugly head out and it keeps me from enjoying most things. I recently told a friend I was depressed again and don't know why. I want to be happy and enjoy life. I want the joy most people feel and live. When I was younger I would work long hours so my mind would stay busy on work instead of depression. Now that I am older I realized I was only hurting my children because I was engulfed in work and too busy to be with them. The guilt and worry that comes along with depression is terrible. Prayers for all of you. I hope we all beat this thing once and for all. Wanda

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Iam on several medications. Mirtazapine, seroquel, buspirone and propanolol. The propanolol is for a irregular heartbeat that i have had since i was in my twenties. It has become worse the last couple of years. That in its self causes Anxiety.

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@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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Anyone receiving "special" attention must have made large donations, hold a high place in society, have lawyers/politicians in the family and in today's medical climate one better be prepared to prepay or not see a doctor. Or maybe there are some doctors that still own their own practice and can make their own rules. Walk into to a doctor well-prepared the info does not even get past the nurse or even on the laptop. My chart is still a mess. Full of medications I do not even take/a diagnosis that is not mine…things do not get transcribed or incorrectly.
Only way most folks get respect is if there is something in it for the other person. Money talks in most circles. Doctors in private practice can pick and choose.
From the society I live in…the world where the only thing that is seen on the chart is depression.
The world I live in people are disposable and even those that do not have depression. Money is all that matters.

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Hi, I have found this thread helpful. This morning I read an article in the WSJ about genetics and discovering the best antidepressant. Here is a link to the article (or you can Google it to be safe — I never recommend clicking on a hyperlink — A Genetic Test Could Help Predict the Right Antidepressant For You): https://www.wsj.com/articles/which-anti-depressant-is-right-for-you-your-dna-can-shed-some-light-1525622524

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@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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I'm so sorry that your experiences have been so bad that your entire view of the medical profession is tainted. And I don't blame you one bit. It's difficult to swallow the fact that we have to watch out for ourselves but are stymied by miscommunications and inter company politics. We unfortunately have to take control, like ladybug said. I have records of everything, I take lists to the doctor and last lab reports or tests that they may not have gotten copies of. We have to demand that if we only get 15 minutes then we damn well better get the best care and that it is all up to date. I am hoping that you can seek help to get your records of everything and straighten out your files so that they are up-to-date. And please, not matter what society you live in, you have to take charge by demanding, because if you don't then it will stay the same.

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@nikki1234

People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get over cancer. I don't get happy people.

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The Good news, My Dr. told me that there are some very good depression meds on the horizon. The bad news, they are about 1 1/2 to 2 years away. Hey, I'll take any hope I can get !

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@mamacita

I have had many days where I wake up and immediately, even before my feet hit the floor, I know that I have a battle to fight. I want to be positive, I want to have a smile on my face for my family. I want to tell the demons to go back to the hell they came from. Many days I am an overcomer. Some days the struggle takes so much out of me that I hug the couch and the tv remote, read my daily devotional, get my Bible close by, and pray that I get at least three verses covered. Even if it takes all day to accomplish it. Depression is a respectable condition. Like Diabetes, Gout, and Eczema. Get some medicine, take it easy, and wait to feel better. Only sometimes, it takes several trials of different medications to achieve anything resembling balance. Then there's this thing called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If we have suffered from depression for decades, changing our thought patterns is not the easiest thing to do. But if we will try to eliminate the negative thought patterns that are so drearily comforting, we just might see a lot more sunshine in our days. "I'm worthless." "I have no special abilities." I'm ugly." " No one ever comes to see me." All of these lies that we tell ourselves need to go straight into the trash can. You are of infinite worth. You have gifts, and lots of them. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. If no one ever comes to see you, then make plans to go see someone in the nursing home who never gets a visitor. Be to others what you wish others would be for you. In the meantime, try to take just one step towards making a positive change that will do you a world of good. It will be so worth it. You've got this.

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Good to hear some good news ! " Keep The Balance ! "

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@nikki1234

People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get over cancer. I don't get happy people.

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A friend of over 50 years who does not at all understand depression & anxiety tells me, just go for a walk, call someone, read a book and they just don't get it. Only if it were that simple ! ! ! People who don't understand can be very anoying !

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@nikki1234

People that say get over it are ignorant and can kiss my ass, can you get over cancer. I don't get happy people.

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Great news. If it is very promising they might up that date!

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