Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

I feel the same as you..I am 52 and I have struggled with depression for years and years…I feel restless, bored..and I can't think of one thing that I actually enjoy anymore…I like to plan trips so I have something to look forward to but clearly I can't afford to do that..its a real struggle for sure…My husband took his life in 2011 and we were married for 26 years…he never displayed depression to me and I was very in tuned..yet I have struggled with it for years…not so much that I wan't to die as it is I am tired of the struggle..

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@jimhd

@seeker70 – I totally connect with what you say, and I know it would be helpful to me to enter a conversation with you. Trouble is, I’m part way through a cold, and I’m just not up to writing or thinking. Give me a couple of days and I’ll try to remember to join in. I’ve been going through a month or so of increased depression, and being sick right now is the pits.

Jim

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What is the distress line number?

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I do not want to be depressed. I am sorry I have been a funk. So tired of how I feel. Still trying to find quality of life. No one else can do it for me and difficult to keep trudging alone. I still am trudging on.

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I’m so sick of this depression thing. I HATE it!!!! I get settled for a short time and it returns with a vengeance. The sadness and loneliness gets to be overwhelming. With the stigma attached, I dare not say anything to anyone. I see a therapist and take meds but it doesn’t “fix” anything.

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Oh, yes. I can so relate to everything you said. This is such a difficult and challenging disease!! I was just getting ready to post about what to do if your family has no compassion or understanding of what is going on. I too am in this all alone. If we could “get over it” why wouldn’t we do that? I recently moved to be close to family only to be ignored and excluded. I don’t know many people here as a matter of fact, very few and certainly none I could ask for help. I am a senior woman living alone. I wish I knew how to help you. Maybe if you told me what you feel you need or would like. You have my total support and understanding of what you are feeling. I do very very little but constantly am thinking of things I could do. Such as walk. Cannot do it. So frustrating and embarrassing. This is my first ever reply and I have never posted so bear with me. You will be in my thoughts and know for sure I know exactly what you are talking about!

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@sharlynn62

Hi Seeker 70,

By no means are you alone in your desperate wish to come out from under the dark cloud and see the sun again (this is how I visualize depression sometimes). I, too, have been dealing with some level of depression since I was a teenager. I have been taking medications (too many) for several years and seeing a therapist every week as well. Sometimes I feel so trapped in this life of misery. I also have several chronic physical problems that make it hard to live a ” normal” life and feed the depression.

I think there are two major things I want to say. One is that you must believe and let others know that depression is an illness just like diabetes or heart disease. You didn’t bring this on yourself and you can’t just “change your attitude” and make it go away. I was told to “pull up my boot straps” and get on with life, when I was a teenager and it just shows that people need to be educated about mental health. One thing I’m involved in that helps me is advocacy for people who have mental health concerns. I work on an anti-stigma campaign in my county and am involved in peer support (being with others who face similar struggles and providing support to one another).

This leads to my second point. You are very intuitive and obviously have not lost hope as you are reaching out to others for support. For me, this is one of the most important things that I can do to help with my recovery. It’s difficult, though, because I haven’t found many people of my age (I’m 55) who are interested in listening to a “boring old sad woman” (this is how I feel about myself a lot… part of my depressive symptoms include very low self esteem and negative self image). However, when I find someone who wants to listen and wants someone to listen to them, it’s marvelous and hopeful.

So, I would be glad to talk with you some more, if you are still wanting to discuss what you’re experiencing , etc. Let me know with a post here and we could possibly exchange email addresses. I often have to remind myself so I think it’s important to say this to you…You are not alone! Take care.

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You sound like a very warm and caring person. Just wanted to let you know your words applied to me also and I appreciate you making time to offer kindness and support. This is such a lonely disease. Everyday I am just hanging on.

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@mogal1951

Oh, yes. I can so relate to everything you said. This is such a difficult and challenging disease!! I was just getting ready to post about what to do if your family has no compassion or understanding of what is going on. I too am in this all alone. If we could “get over it” why wouldn’t we do that? I recently moved to be close to family only to be ignored and excluded. I don’t know many people here as a matter of fact, very few and certainly none I could ask for help. I am a senior woman living alone. I wish I knew how to help you. Maybe if you told me what you feel you need or would like. You have my total support and understanding of what you are feeling. I do very very little but constantly am thinking of things I could do. Such as walk. Cannot do it. So frustrating and embarrassing. This is my first ever reply and I have never posted so bear with me. You will be in my thoughts and know for sure I know exactly what you are talking about!

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@mogal1951 Hello. So this is your first time posting? I am so glad that you did. I am a mentor for a group with serious lung disease on Connect, but I visit the long term depression group sometimes because I have a 30 yr old daughter who suffers with it. My mom had it too, so I am very familiar with the fact that people who have it; cannot just snap out of it. To get a better understanding of what my daughter deals with; my husband and I took a 12 week class through NAMI. It was called 'Family to Family', and it is free. It was a real eye opener and taught us a lot. Just about every city or town has a NAMI chapter. If you have friends or family that could benefit from their class, you could mention it to them. NAMI is working hard to raise awareness about mental health and lift the stigma about it. I really feel for all of you that suffer depression. I wish that researchers would come up with some kind of a breakthrough that could turn it around for you. Sending hugs and hope. -Terri

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@mogal1951

Oh, yes. I can so relate to everything you said. This is such a difficult and challenging disease!! I was just getting ready to post about what to do if your family has no compassion or understanding of what is going on. I too am in this all alone. If we could “get over it” why wouldn’t we do that? I recently moved to be close to family only to be ignored and excluded. I don’t know many people here as a matter of fact, very few and certainly none I could ask for help. I am a senior woman living alone. I wish I knew how to help you. Maybe if you told me what you feel you need or would like. You have my total support and understanding of what you are feeling. I do very very little but constantly am thinking of things I could do. Such as walk. Cannot do it. So frustrating and embarrassing. This is my first ever reply and I have never posted so bear with me. You will be in my thoughts and know for sure I know exactly what you are talking about!

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T'would be wonderful for such a breakthrough. There have been advances. I know others that medications have helped. I know I am being repetitive in mentioning we are not all wired the same. My experiences with antidepressants has been a scary one. So oft doctors negate side effects. I now refuse to take them and have been accused of not wanting to get better. I know what these have done to me and realize I do not fit into the box that others do fit into. I do not blame the doctors. They are trained to prescribe. I even had a VNS and this was a terrible experience for me. My body kept resetting the settings-a rare thing and I did finally have it turned off again NOT to be turned back on. It has since been removed and when it had a maintenance check run I felt I was being electrocuted and strangled for 20 seconds. It was determined that upon removal the battery operated device was not defective. I told the doctor before it was placed that I could not wear battery operated watches and he said this was different. It sure was!!!! I now do not readily try new things. I know my mind and body the best most of the time.
I have started using CBD oil and have noticed some improvement in sleep and mood. I have done a 3 mile walk for 4 days in a row. Time will tell as to whether it is the CBD oil or not. Worth a try.

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You’re definitely not alone. Depression is not a one size fits all. Yes there are many common symptoms but how if affects us and how we cope is very personal. I’ve been struggling for a few years now. Tried different meds, etc. I truly have zero desire to do anything. I don’t want to leave my house, go anywhere, just nothing. I’m extremely tired and just feel blah. I try and put on a happy face for my family but it’s hard. I currently take Lexapro and Remeron. I also take Methadone, Topamax, Trazadone and a few other meds. I’m finally going to see a Psychiatrist soon as I don’t feel my regular doctor can manage my depression. What meds have you tried and have you tried therapy?

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@kdo0827

You’re definitely not alone. Depression is not a one size fits all. Yes there are many common symptoms but how if affects us and how we cope is very personal. I’ve been struggling for a few years now. Tried different meds, etc. I truly have zero desire to do anything. I don’t want to leave my house, go anywhere, just nothing. I’m extremely tired and just feel blah. I try and put on a happy face for my family but it’s hard. I currently take Lexapro and Remeron. I also take Methadone, Topamax, Trazadone and a few other meds. I’m finally going to see a Psychiatrist soon as I don’t feel my regular doctor can manage my depression. What meds have you tried and have you tried therapy?

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@kdo0827 The medications could be part of why you are always tired and blah. Depression can do this as well. There are no easy answers. The CBD oil was helping some. I cannot afford it again. Hoping the cost will abate…
I am going to start with a therapist with experience in PTSD. Not at all optimistic due to trauma caused by other therapists. Desperation has started my trying to seek help again. I known I have a defensive, sucky attitude. Hoping the therapist I am going to see can think outside the box. Ongoing trauma has increased my being so scattered and disoriented.
So many depressed people with seemingly no hope-we keep trying at times.
Hoping you find some help. I also put on my happy face for the outside world. Facing the outside world with noise, smells and people is at best-a daunting task.

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@kdo0827

You’re definitely not alone. Depression is not a one size fits all. Yes there are many common symptoms but how if affects us and how we cope is very personal. I’ve been struggling for a few years now. Tried different meds, etc. I truly have zero desire to do anything. I don’t want to leave my house, go anywhere, just nothing. I’m extremely tired and just feel blah. I try and put on a happy face for my family but it’s hard. I currently take Lexapro and Remeron. I also take Methadone, Topamax, Trazadone and a few other meds. I’m finally going to see a Psychiatrist soon as I don’t feel my regular doctor can manage my depression. What meds have you tried and have you tried therapy?

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Good to hear from you!! I just finished doing a drug interaction study on WebMD. I’m beyond astonished at my results. It’s a miracle I get out of bed at all!!! There were 6 interactions that caused severe sedation and drowsiness There are others that affect my heart rate and rhythm. I’m totally shocked. I’m taking this information to all my doctors to see what can be done. I’m glad you’re trying therapy again. I had to quit going to my previous one. Really liked her but it was more of a friend chat and I need help. I need someone to ask me questions to help me figure out what’s wrong. I have been given PTSD as a diagnosis but no help. We are fortunate to have each other on here.

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@kdo0827

You’re definitely not alone. Depression is not a one size fits all. Yes there are many common symptoms but how if affects us and how we cope is very personal. I’ve been struggling for a few years now. Tried different meds, etc. I truly have zero desire to do anything. I don’t want to leave my house, go anywhere, just nothing. I’m extremely tired and just feel blah. I try and put on a happy face for my family but it’s hard. I currently take Lexapro and Remeron. I also take Methadone, Topamax, Trazadone and a few other meds. I’m finally going to see a Psychiatrist soon as I don’t feel my regular doctor can manage my depression. What meds have you tried and have you tried therapy?

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I'm now on BuSpar for anxiety which does help a little and I see a therapist who herself has been down a long road with many medical issues and still has an upbeat attitude. We are trying to retrain my brain by doing meditation tapes. She's done two for me, one long, one short. I listen to the short one in the morning before I get out of bed. I saw her today and she suggested doing the long one before I go to sleep at night to rid my brain of all the negative emotions I have in it. It's not easy. I've tried many, many antidepressants and I believe I'm an individual, like Parus, who cannot tolerate antidepressants.

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