Long-term depression

Posted by seeker70 @seeker70, Oct 11, 2017

I have been depressed, when I think about it, since I was a kid (I”m a senior now!) I have been treated off and on with meds and minimal talk therapy, but nothing changes. In the past it has been underlying but as I grow older it is becoming more intense. People ask: ‘why are you depressed? I never get depressed, just get a better attitude’. Or they don’t hear my (probably passive-aggressive) cries for help. Or they say: ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ Actually although I agree with these opinions to a certain extent, it does not address the problem that depression is not a ‘why’, not is it a ‘choice’. It’s almost like being gay, you just are. Maybe I should just accept it (guess that’s what I have done for decades 🙂 But I don’t want to. I want to feel better now. Earlier in my life I was able to enjoy things, although the depression would keep popping out. But now I seem to have trouble enjoying anything, including my own family, and it’s harder and harder to ‘push depression down’ once it’s popped. So I have longer periods of depression and sadness and sleeplessness and lonliness, an shorter periods of being able to enjoy my life. Or want something. Or look forward to anything. I will say too that I have as much to be happy about as I do to be unhappy – but as I said, it’s not a ‘why’. I’m looking for people to explore this idea, and to help each other begin to overcome. Or maybe it’s just me and there’s no one else who feels this way — 😉 Thank you for reading all this.

@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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@parus

Thanks Parus. It was from my heart.

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

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@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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@parus Wow! You are a phenominal artist! Who knew we had such exceptional talent among us!

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@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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@parus The drawing is beautiful. You have to put a lot of feeling into it to create the story 🙂

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@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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Your talent is quite amazing, @parus.

I agree — children who are dear to our hearts can be their own kind of therapy.

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@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

Jump to this post

@parus

Thinking about you. I hope that you are dealing with your pain as well as possible.

Teresa

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For those of you who have problems sleeping, please check with your physicians about getting a Sleep Study. If you have sleep apnea you may need to begin using a CPAP machine at night. They aren't pretty, but you will feel SO much better in the morning that you will be amazed. It took me a week or so to get used to my CPAP, but the resulting feelings of being fully rested and having a ton of energy made me a believer. I didn't have the old brain fog and depression in the mornings any longer. The only thing I didn't like was the weekly cleaning required to assure no bacteria builds up. However, it's not difficult to clean the parts of the machine. Also, once I had my gastric bypass surgery and lost 80 pounds I no longer have sleep apnea, so I don't use my CPAP now.

Please get tested. Sleep apnea is hard on your heart as every time you stop breathing briefly at night your blood pressure rises rapidly. This cycle continues through the night causing your heart (and body) to overwork when it needs to be resting and rejuvenating. If you are on Medicare, it pays for everything, so you don't have to worry about the cost.

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

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@gailb

For those of you who have problems sleeping, please check with your physicians about getting a Sleep Study. If you have sleep apnea you may need to begin using a CPAP machine at night. They aren't pretty, but you will feel SO much better in the morning that you will be amazed. It took me a week or so to get used to my CPAP, but the resulting feelings of being fully rested and having a ton of energy made me a believer. I didn't have the old brain fog and depression in the mornings any longer. The only thing I didn't like was the weekly cleaning required to assure no bacteria builds up. However, it's not difficult to clean the parts of the machine. Also, once I had my gastric bypass surgery and lost 80 pounds I no longer have sleep apnea, so I don't use my CPAP now.

Please get tested. Sleep apnea is hard on your heart as every time you stop breathing briefly at night your blood pressure rises rapidly. This cycle continues through the night causing your heart (and body) to overwork when it needs to be resting and rejuvenating. If you are on Medicare, it pays for everything, so you don't have to worry about the cost.

Gail
Volunteer Mentor

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@gailb Thank you! That is good to know. My husband most definitely has sleep apnea but refuses to do a sleep study. He is always tired and many times cranky. What can I do with a hard-headed man? Also, kudos to you for losing the 80 lbs!

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@gman007

As liz223 said, I now know that my anxiety began as an early teen due to a poor self image. I don't think anyone who knew me would have ever guessed that was the case either then or as I got older. I put on a mask of superiority and arrogance which made me a less than wonderful person to be around – I think I made a lot of effort to make others feel what I felt inside – what a jackass. Getting chronically ill gave me lots of time for introspection and then my anxiety became depression because of the hurt that I was certain I had left in my wake. My family stuck with me and have been great support and I have made some pretty amazing strides in my head – no arrogance about that, just very grateful that I have learned that being vulnerable, compassionate, and empathetic is a far better way to go through life. I am impressed by everyone who opens up about their depression because it is not viewed in the same light as other diseases, but we all can help people understand that and we will have done just a bit to make it easier for the next folks who fall prey to this nasty condition!
Thanks for all your ideas and suggestions, Gary

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@gman007 I love your honesty about who you were back in the day; even though you did not cast yourself in a positive light. We are lucky when we can grow, even from negative experiences. I know there is still some stigmatism about mental illness, but there are groups out there like NAMI who are working hard to lift them. I have a daughter with bi-polar disorder. Everyone who knows me, knows she has it because I speak openly about it. I am not ashamed of her. She was born with it. It is a rough thing to live with. It is hard on her and everyone around her.

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You are not alone. I am very much lime you. I find my depression has changed from 'episodes' to almost constant. I am 66 years old. I have dealt with diagnosed depression for the last 21 years. Prior to that I had sporadic episodes of what I called 'melancholy' along with sadness but couldn't understand why I was like this. In the past 4 years I have noticed that my anxiety has heightened and become much more frequent. Very little excites me and I rarely look forward to anything. I look at socializing as being a chore and yet I feel very lonely. So much contradiction. I have bee on medication for 20 years and I know from experience this is forever. I do have counseling about once a month, more if I'm spinning out of control. What I would give to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day ahead, go to bed at night without my head spinning with negative thoughts.

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@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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@hopeful33250 there is some hope on the horizon. My DDS has started doing botox injections for TMJ pain management treatment. Go next Thursday for the 1st ones that are to last for 3 months. hoping it will help with head/neck/shoulder pain.

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@parus

I have learned to not even mention the "D" word. Admitting thus has offered nothing except cause more harm on many levels.

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@parus So good to hear about "hope on the horizon." Botox treatments tend to help with a lot of physical disorders.

Keep us update with the results.

Teresa

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TERRI ….. yes, you're sure right about the stigma about mental illness. I truly believe that's why my kids just don't want to hear it. They need to though, since there is at times a genetic predisposition.
abby

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