Leonard
@jakedduck1
@jakedduck1
Posts: 1872
Joined: Mar 24, 2018
How about a laugh, (hopefully)
I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake
2011panc
@2011panc
@2011panc
Posts: 400
Joined: Nov 14, 2016
When Aunt Gertrude got older she often complained about the Ritus brothers. They were both no-good, low-down scoundrels in her book. But she could never decide who was the worst, she continued to waver between Arthur and Osto unto the day she died.
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2011panc
@2011panc
@2011panc
Posts: 400
Joined: Nov 14, 2016
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Who
Who Who?
An owl!
Leonard
@jakedduck1
@jakedduck1
Posts: 1872
Joined: Mar 24, 2018
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Who
Who Who?
An owl!
@2011panc
Thank you, a joke I can understand👍!!!!
Jake
Liked by Becky, Volunteer Mentor, imallears
2011panc
@2011panc
@2011panc
Posts: 400
Joined: Nov 14, 2016
Timmy, Jimmy and John were admiring and discussing the toys in the department store window.
Timmy said, "I want a cap gun, the pistol and holster, so that when my little sister bugs me I can shoot her and make her cry. But Mom's been hinting around that I should want a Radio Flyer. I'm sure it's because she wants me to haul things around for her and help her in the garden and yard. Phooey, what kind of toy is useful and makes you work!?"
Jimmy said, "I want the rifle cap gun. How much fun would that be having gunfights and going hunting!? But I think my Mom wants me to want Lincoln Logs so I can build things for my little brother and entertain him while she reads a magazine and has coffee. Who would ask for a toy to use to entertain someone else!? That's just plain dumb!"
John was quiet for a very long time, but finally said, "Well, I want the Magic Set. It has everything in it; a hat, wand, and all kinds of stuff. Pluss, I could make my little brother and sister disappear and myself invisible. That way I could do anything I want at any time!"
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2011panc
@2011panc
@2011panc
Posts: 400
Joined: Nov 14, 2016
Why is there only one Yogi Bear? Because when God tried to make another it turned out to be Boo Boo.
2011panc
@2011panc
@2011panc
Posts: 400
Joined: Nov 14, 2016
Why do we have belly buttons? Because when we are done and being taken out of the oven God pokes us each in the tummy and says, "That one's done, that one's done . . . "
janemichele
@janemichele
@janemichele
Posts: 15
Joined: Nov 20, 2019
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plant.
In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.
When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, “All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 euro to the fire department that brings them out intact.”
But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 euro to the fire station who could bring out the company’s secret files.
But still the fire fighters could not get through.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of old men over 65. To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.
It was a performance and effort never seen before.
Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.
The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 euro and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the chief, “What are you going to do with all that money?”
“Well,” said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, “the first thing we’re gonna do is fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck.”
Jake
Very cute. Thanks for sharing. I'm still smiling.
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JK, Volunteer Mentor
@contentandwell
@contentandwell
Posts: 5308
Joined: Feb 18, 2017
I don't usually put things in this group but I couldn't resist this.
JK
Liked by Colleen Young, Connect Director, lioness, Leonard, Ginger, Volunteer Mentor ... see all
marvinjsturing
@marvinjsturing
@marvinjsturing
Posts: 199
Joined: Jun 27, 2018
I don't usually put things in this group but I couldn't resist this.
JK
@contentandwell Thanks for posting these. Puns are some of my favorites. Some of these are 2/3 of a pun – PU_
Liked by Colleen Young, Connect Director, JK, Volunteer Mentor, lioness, Leonard ... see all
imallears
@imallears
@imallears
Posts: 540
Joined: Feb 27, 2019
I don't usually put things in this group but I couldn't resist this.
JK
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Leonard
@jakedduck1
@jakedduck1
Posts: 1872
Joined: Mar 24, 2018
Thanks everyone I enjoyed those!!!
Jake
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lioness
@lioness
@lioness
Posts: 5534
Joined: Jan 09, 2018
I don't usually put things in this group but I couldn't resist this.
JK
@contentandwell I like be puns I'm going to keep these as I'm gathering jokes and puns for this year's Thanksgivings Talent show Thanks
Liked by JK, Volunteer Mentor, Becky, Volunteer Mentor
2011panc
@2011panc
@2011panc
Posts: 400
Joined: Nov 14, 2016
A Haiku
My toe was hurting
A tractor trailer hit me
Now all over hurts.
2011panc
@2011panc
@2011panc
Posts: 400
Joined: Nov 14, 2016
My favorite Super Bowl commercial: They are playing football. A flag is thrown. Everyone looks around. A rumble is heard. A pack of cars break down the wall and drive across the field. It is Daytona time!
@jakedduck1
@2011panc
Jeez 2011 this is a joke thread not an IQ test, which by the way I would flunk miserably. However for those with more intelligence than myself, which would include the remainder of the whole human race, I thank you for your contribution.
By the way do you happen to know any little kid jokes, I hate to have to think in order to laugh.
Jake
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