A bill collector called me
I coughed and he hung up.

AD in newspaper
SINGLE MAN WITH PURELL AND LYSOL
LOOKING FOR SINGLE WOMAN WITH TOILET PAPER FOR SOME GOOD CLEAN FUN

A loud pounding on the door awakened a man and his wife at 3:00 am. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it's 3 am in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when our car broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too, you know." The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. I love this part …… "Over here on the swing!" replied the drunk.

@jakedduck1 Love it lol

@jakeduck1
And another reason is the humans are continuously anticipating what we will see, hear or feel next. Ive seen this before and it still amazes me. Het phaomnnela pweor fo het hmuan mndi.

FL Mary

Yes, the human mind, brain has neuro plasticity

@imallears ROFL!!!!!

I decided to take an aerobics class.
I bent, twisted, gyrated and jumped up and down for an hour.
But by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.

@jakedduck1 Your funny lol

@lioness
I wish I were that witty, I just copy and paste.

@imallears
You ad joke was hilarious, thanks!!

deleted

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.

While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left.

The couple sat and waited for an answer… for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Yet another month passed before St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't workout? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest up here!
Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?!!!!!!!

@jakedduck1 Oh that was cute . Loved it

Jake, Carry a floor cushion with you at all times and wear a 😷! You will be seated.