How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

@2011panc

Toby, the vegetable vender and Mary, the melon vender had places near each other at the fair each weekend. As was the custom in that town, near the end of the day the vendors would swap their remaining products among themselves. Throughout the summer Toby and Mary became friendly with each other and visited between customers. On the last day of the summer fair Toby took a basket of vegetables that he knew her family liked over to Mary's table. Mary also had put together a basket of melons for Toby that she knew his family liked.
Toby offered first, picking up a bunch of handpicked greens he held them out and said, "Lettuce, Mary?"
Mary responded by offering a large melon and saying, "Cantaloupe, Toby!"

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@2011panc Love it!!!

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@imallears

@jakeduck1

Hi Leonard, The vegetable vendor joke….Toby was asking Mary to marry him when he held out a bunch of greens (in lieu of flowers) and said Let us Mary? (Lettuce) Mary said I can’t elope (cantaloupe).

Someone correct me if I’m wrong.

Florida Mary the vegetable lover.

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@imallears
Thanks Mary, jokes have to be 4th grade level for me to get I guess.
Jake

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@jakeduck1

That joke I think was a 5th grade level so I can understand your confusion😏

FL Mary……later….hitting the gym yet again…..

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@jakeduck1

Didn’t like my last post about the vegetable joke. Your brain and body are still exhausted and you are probably still in a funk. Things will brighten and you will be back to your old self (God help us all).

FL Mary

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Brought home a homeless man during the holidays. He was so grateful he melted into the carpet in the front room. He left before we got up the next morning and left the oddest gift by the front door . . . two sticks, his scarf and some smooth stones. I was kind of mad about the puddle of water he left, but I know I did a good thing.

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@2011panc

That’s so cute!

Why are there only snowmen and no snowwomen?

Because only a man is stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.

FL Mary…land of the nosnows

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@jakedduck1 Goodmorning Leonard wanted to tell you I had my sauerkraut and pork yesterday thought of you that's as far as the food went . Loved the vegie joke and melted snowman from Fl Mary

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@lioness

@jakedduck1 Goodmorning Leonard wanted to tell you I had my sauerkraut and pork yesterday thought of you that's as far as the food went . Loved the vegie joke and melted snowman from Fl Mary

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@lioness
Oh sure Linda, kick a guy when he’s down 🤪
So I guess it’s futile to watch for the delivery man with my sauerkraut and pork care package.
I’m surprised you were able to enjoy your succulent feast knowing I was here alone trying to gag down some under or over cooked nauseating slop. I tried to be brave and risk the “Slings & arrows” of the kitchen. Maybe I’ll have better luck next time, certainly couldn’t be any worse.
Jake

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There is a new cuisine going around in some areas called "deconstructed" plus whatever the item was originally called. For example: a BLT may be served as 4 toast tips, chopped of lettuce and tomatoes mixed with mayonnaise, and strips of bacon. I have "deconstructed" some words for you. Let's see if you know the source words.

1. Dog + (water + soil) + JLo = ?

2. (Earp-P) + (chain – ain) + the letter after M = ?

3. Ali – I + bee – B + Lieu + Yeah – E = ?

Answers (spelled backwards): 1. noegdumruc 2. nihcru 3. aiulella

Let me know if you cannot get it.

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@jakedduck1

@lioness
Oh sure Linda, kick a guy when he’s down 🤪
So I guess it’s futile to watch for the delivery man with my sauerkraut and pork care package.
I’m surprised you were able to enjoy your succulent feast knowing I was here alone trying to gag down some under or over cooked nauseating slop. I tried to be brave and risk the “Slings & arrows” of the kitchen. Maybe I’ll have better luck next time, certainly couldn’t be any worse.
Jake

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@jakedduck1 The delivery man was to busy to pick it up sorry . It was good ,still have some left . That darn delivery man

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What did the snowman say to the scarecrow? I may have a shorter lifespan, but I won't have to go into the kitchen and sweep the floor with my backbone!

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Did you ever see a catfish? Did he use a reel or a spinner?

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A man down on his luck found an old dirty lamp/ He was well aware of the story of the lamp and the genie, but was afraid to try to use the lamp for a wish. He wandered into a pub and put the lamp on the bar. He asked the bartender how many drinks he could get in exchange for the lamp, since that was all he had but he was afraid to use it because of his bad luck. The bartender told him that in that case he should ask the lamp for advice and walked away. Suddenly the street outside was filled with quacking and the flapping of millions of wings and the pub began filling up with ducks. Among the cacophony the bartender returned to the lamp man and asked if he was responsible for the melee. The man replied, "I suppose so. I told you I was nothing but bad luck."
The bartender asked, "How so?"
To which the man replied, "you don't really think I asked for a million DUCKS, do you!?"

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Once upon a time in a coren foundry and far away there lived a King who decided it was high time that his son get married, so he had a message sent to all his lands that a formal ball would be held to choose his son's bride. All eligible females in the realm were invited.
It so happens that in the same land lived a small ragtag girl named Rendercilla, who was treated badly by her mad step-other and two sad blisters. They made her wear their old and torn clothes (rags really), work hard on the grounds and in the castle, and serve them as a maid. Furthermore they made her sleep by the fireplace in the kitchen, where she always got covered in ashes from the fire. She made friends of the mice, cats and dogs of the castle.
When the invitation came for the King's ball the castle turned into a beehive of energy and activity. New ball gowns were made for the sad blisters and mad step-other while they twittered and tittered about the lace and jewels they would use to embellish their gowns. Rendercilla was kept running all day and given instructions and work to last all night. The only way she got everything done was with the help of her pet friends. Day after day, along with all her usual duties the girl kept up with all demands, hoping against hope that she would be able to make a dress for herself and go along to the ball to watch the festivities from a quiet corner.
Even with all her work, Rendercilla and her friends were able to put together a very nice dress for her out of the discards of her mad step-other and two sad blisters. One the day of the ball Rendercilla helped everyone else get ready and then ran quickly to the attic to don her dress made of odds and ends. When she came back down she was more stunning than anyone else in the room and was immediately set upon by her sad step-other and two sad blisters. They tore her dress apart, claiming every bit of lace and ribbon and every sequin and jewel they had previously discarded. They sent her to the kitchen to scrub the floor so that it would sparkle. If it did not sparkle she would be punished. Then the entered their carriage and left for the ball.
Rendercilla went out to the garden and fell down next to a bush where she often rested when working outside. She cried in hurt and dismay at being so horribly treated. Soon she heard a soothing voice and felt a calming hand smoothing her hair. "Be still, child," the voice said.
"Who are you and what do you want?" asked Rendercilla. "I am your Gairy Fodmother," replied the kindly old woman with sparkly eyes. "Tell me what has happened to disturb you so."
Rendercilla spillout all her feelings, hurts, and disappointments over her living conditions, bad treatment and not being able to go to the ball.
"Fear not," replied her Gairy Fodmother, and gathered a shimmery cloud for a dress, which she decorated with grapes she turned into rubies and new vines of Honeysuckle. When she was done Rendercilla looked wonderful and her Gairy Fodmother sent her off to the ball.
When she arrived at the ball Rendercilla became the focus of everyone. The med admired her and wanted to dance with her; while the women were envious of her beauty and charm. As fortune would have it, the Prancum HInce was most taken with Rendercilla and monopolized her time the entire evening.
As they were dancing the last dance the clock began striking midnight and Rendercilla suddenly remembered her Gairy Fodmother's admonition to leave before the clock struck the end of the midnight hour. Rendercilla suddenly broke away from the Prancum Hince and ran out of the castle. As she ran the finery her Gairy Fodmother had dressed her in fell away and she arrived home in her usual rags. The Prancum Hince followed her but could not find her. The only person he saw was a servant girl sitting under a bush outside a run-down castle.
The second night after Rendercilla was left home alone her Gairy Fodmother again showed up and this time dressed her with the stars from the sky, diamonds from dewdrops, and opals from moonshine. As the night before, the Prancum Hince was enchanted with Rendercilla and spent the evening dancing with her, and as before, Rendercilla ran off when the clock began striking midnight. Again Rendercilla's finery fell off as she ran and she ended up in her rags sitting near her resting bush. And, as before. the Prancum Hince ran after her to find only the raggedly dressed girl next to the bush near the ragtag castle.
The third night followed the same with Rendercilla dressed in gold and wearing golden jewels. This night she had crystal slippers which glinted with the gold of her dress and lights of the ballroom. And again Rendercilla ran and the Prancum Hince chased, all no avail except — Rendercilla had slopped her dripper on the castle steps.
Obviously. the Prancum Hince searched the realm for his dancing beauty but could not find her. Finally he stopped at the ragtag castle in desperation and was met at the door by very excited and happy mad step-other and two sad blisters. After trying their best to get their huge feet into the slopped dripper the Prancum Hince was about to leave when he noticed the girl he had seen sitting in rags next to the bush outside. He asked her if she wanted to try on the slopped dripper. The mad step-other and two sad blisters scoffed and made fun of the idea of Rendercilla putting on the slopped dripper, but she did and was suddenly transformed into the very clothing she had worn on the last night of the ball.
Rendercilla rode off with the Prancum Hince while her mad step-other and two sad blisters wailed and wrung their hands at their bad fortune.

The moral of this story is that if you are ever in a coren fountry and land far away;
and you go to a Brancy Fall;
and meet a Prancum Hince;
don't forget to slop your dripper.

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@2011panc

Oh, that’s filariousy hunny!

FL Mary

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