How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

The difference between men and women:
He gets up 2 hours before work, takes a shower, shaves, uses the bathroom,, brushes his teeth, starts coffee, puts bread in the toaster, takes out a plate bowl, spoon and knife, fills the bowl with cereal, gets dressed, makes the toast, pours coffee, adds milk to the bowl of cereal, puts margarine on the toast, takes everything to the table, reads the newspaper, finishes his breakfast and has an orange, piles his dishes by the sink, goes to the bathroom, combs his hair, brushes his teeth, readjusts his clothing, recombs his hair, finishes his coffee, rinses his mouth with mouthwash, checks his hair, puts on his jacket and goes to work.
She gets up 2 hours before work, starts breakfast for herself and the children, makes sure the 9 year old takes a shower, gives the 3 year old a bath, dresses the 3 year old, places the 3 year old at the table with the 9 year old to eat their breakfast, takes a shower, checks on the children, gets dressed, washes up the 3 year old and puts on his jacket just in time to take him out to the car pool, sends the 9 year old off to school, has a sip of coffee, cleans up the breakfast dishes, brushes her teeth and combs her hair, has another sip of coffee and leaves for work.
Anyone relate?

REPLY

A woman comes home after a doctor visit glowing and happy. Her husband asks what she is in such a good mood about, didn't she have a doctor's appointment? She replies that she had a very good doctor's appointment. Her skin is like that of a woman 20 years younger than she is, her BMI is in the normal range, and her flexibility is that of a 20 year old. Her husband asks if he didn't say anything about her fat ass, to which she pleasantly responded, "No, your name didn't come up."

REPLY
@2011panc

The difference between men and women:
He gets up 2 hours before work, takes a shower, shaves, uses the bathroom,, brushes his teeth, starts coffee, puts bread in the toaster, takes out a plate bowl, spoon and knife, fills the bowl with cereal, gets dressed, makes the toast, pours coffee, adds milk to the bowl of cereal, puts margarine on the toast, takes everything to the table, reads the newspaper, finishes his breakfast and has an orange, piles his dishes by the sink, goes to the bathroom, combs his hair, brushes his teeth, readjusts his clothing, recombs his hair, finishes his coffee, rinses his mouth with mouthwash, checks his hair, puts on his jacket and goes to work.
She gets up 2 hours before work, starts breakfast for herself and the children, makes sure the 9 year old takes a shower, gives the 3 year old a bath, dresses the 3 year old, places the 3 year old at the table with the 9 year old to eat their breakfast, takes a shower, checks on the children, gets dressed, washes up the 3 year old and puts on his jacket just in time to take him out to the car pool, sends the 9 year old off to school, has a sip of coffee, cleans up the breakfast dishes, brushes her teeth and combs her hair, has another sip of coffee and leaves for work.
Anyone relate?

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@2011panc Love it!

REPLY
@2011panc

The difference between men and women:
He gets up 2 hours before work, takes a shower, shaves, uses the bathroom,, brushes his teeth, starts coffee, puts bread in the toaster, takes out a plate bowl, spoon and knife, fills the bowl with cereal, gets dressed, makes the toast, pours coffee, adds milk to the bowl of cereal, puts margarine on the toast, takes everything to the table, reads the newspaper, finishes his breakfast and has an orange, piles his dishes by the sink, goes to the bathroom, combs his hair, brushes his teeth, readjusts his clothing, recombs his hair, finishes his coffee, rinses his mouth with mouthwash, checks his hair, puts on his jacket and goes to work.
She gets up 2 hours before work, starts breakfast for herself and the children, makes sure the 9 year old takes a shower, gives the 3 year old a bath, dresses the 3 year old, places the 3 year old at the table with the 9 year old to eat their breakfast, takes a shower, checks on the children, gets dressed, washes up the 3 year old and puts on his jacket just in time to take him out to the car pool, sends the 9 year old off to school, has a sip of coffee, cleans up the breakfast dishes, brushes her teeth and combs her hair, has another sip of coffee and leaves for work.
Anyone relate?

Jump to this post

@2011panc
Yeah a big difference, the guy does 31 things the wife does 19. Poor guy, husband need to delegate a few responsibilities to the wife to make things a little more fair. I wonder how long this inequity has been going on.
Jake

REPLY

@jakeduck1
You counted ? You had time to count? 32 things for one person and 19 things for one person with 2 extra people to care for?
Statistics for WORKING PARENTS

WOMEN………………..MEN
HOUSEWORK 85% 69%
LAUNDRY 49% 19%
FOOD PREP/CLEANUP 68% 42%
PHYSICAL CHILD CARE 1.1 hrs 26 minutes
NEW BABY (increase in
Work load) 21 hrs a week 12.5 hrs a week

But who’s counting?

FL Mary

REPLY

@jakeduck1
This didn’t line up right but it’s 1.1 hours for women vs 26 minutes for men for child care. Wonder why Ipad didn’t line up correctly. When I have time I’ll check into it.

FL Mary

REPLY
@imallears

@jakeduck1
You counted ? You had time to count? 32 things for one person and 19 things for one person with 2 extra people to care for?
Statistics for WORKING PARENTS

WOMEN………………..MEN
HOUSEWORK 85% 69%
LAUNDRY 49% 19%
FOOD PREP/CLEANUP 68% 42%
PHYSICAL CHILD CARE 1.1 hrs 26 minutes
NEW BABY (increase in
Work load) 21 hrs a week 12.5 hrs a week

But who’s counting?

FL Mary

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@imallears
Female propaganda
Jake

REPLY

@jakeduck1
Chortle

FL Mary

REPLY
@jakedduck1

@2011panc
Yeah a big difference, the guy does 31 things the wife does 19. Poor guy, husband need to delegate a few responsibilities to the wife to make things a little more fair. I wonder how long this inequity has been going on.
Jake

Jump to this post

@jakedduck1 To be fair, the guy did several things repeatedly and micro reported the details of his activities; while the gal only listed the jobs she did. Notice that he addressed mouth and hair care several times while she included that in getting ready.

REPLY

@2011panc
I think men are basically self centered and delusional about the amount of time they spend on domestic chores. But we still love them. Remember guys, we’ll never shoot you if you are doing the dishes but putting a towel in the washing machine is not “doing the laundry”.

And ladies, don’t you just love the detailed instructions on how to fold a fitted sheet? After I do that I’ll go and make little smiley faces on the pancakes to make everyone’s day happier before I jump in the shower with my homemade soaps. Move over Martha Stewart, Phyllis Diller is my idol.

FL Mary

REPLY

How to fold a fitted sheet:
Husband: Look for a corner. Not finding a corner, grab anywhere and ball it into as small a ball as you can.
Wife: Slip non-dominant hand into corner with seam on outside. Slide dominant hand down side to the next corner. Slip the corner over your non-dominant hand with the seams touching each other and the finished seam on the outside. Slide dominant hand down side to the third corner. Continue by repeating from the beginning. Lay your pocketed sheet on the bed and straighten the sides. Fold sides together until sheet is small enough to fit into a pillow case.

Finish folding a sheet set:
Fold flat sheet by matching sides until sheet is small enough to fit in a pillow case. Fold one pillow case to the size of the folded sheets. Place the sheets and folded pillowcase into remaining pillow case. Fold side over and place in storage.

REPLY

@2011panc
Funny! I’m with the husband.

FL Mary

REPLY
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