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Leonard Holloway
@jakedduck1

Posts: 741
Joined: Mar 24, 2018

How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes my be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

REPLY

One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plant.
In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, “All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 euro to the fire department that brings them out intact.”

But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 euro to the fire station who could bring out the company’s secret files.

But still the fire fighters could not get through.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of old men over 65. To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.

It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 euro and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the chief, “What are you going to do with all that money?”

“Well,” said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, “the first thing we’re gonna do is fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck.”
Jake

@jakedduck1

One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plant.
In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, “All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the plant. They must be saved. I will give 50,000 euro to the fire department that brings them out intact.”

But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now 100,000 euro to the fire station who could bring out the company’s secret files.

But still the fire fighters could not get through.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of old men over 65. To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.

Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides.

It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas.

The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to 200,000 euro and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the chief, “What are you going to do with all that money?”

“Well,” said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, “the first thing we’re gonna do is fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck.”
Jake

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@jakedduck1 Hi, that was a good joke. I laughed which I have rarely done lately. Thanks – what a good idea!

How about a few blond jokes? Make her brunette if you want or even bald

911

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.

Liked by linda

A BLONDE & HER TWO COATS

While her husband was at work, a blonde decided to paint their living room.
After her husband arrives home, he finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat while wearing a parka and a mink. He asked her what she was doing.
She said, "I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb, and I wanted to do it by painting the living room."
He says that he was impressed at the good job she had done, but asked, "Why are you wearing two coats?
She replied, "I read the directions on the paint can, and they said, ''For best results, put on two coats!'"

Liked by linda, lioness, becsbuddy

A BLONDE'S BRAIN AT WORK

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all work for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey girls," says the brunette. "Let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after their boss. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss. She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Liked by linda, lioness

ASH BLONDE

Q: How did the blonde die raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Anyone have some jokes to add, obviously they don’t have to be good jokes.

There once was a snail that grew tired of being teased for being slow, so he decided to buy a fast car. He saw a car dealership across the road one day and saw just what he wanted. When he got there the next day he discovered that he would need a loan, so he set off for the bank across the street. Two days later he got to the bank and went up to a teller to ask for a loan. The teller referred him to the loan department and Patty Wack, the loan officer? began the approval process for the loan.
Why do you want a loan? — I want to buy a car.
How much is this car? — $50,000.
That is an expensive car. Why is it so expensive? — It's a cherry red mustang with a 575 engine and a giant golden S painted on the hood.
That is a lot of car. Why do you want that car in particular? — I'm a snail and I'm tired of everybody teasing me about being slow. When I get this car I want people to look at me zooming past and say, "Look at that S car go!"

Later that month a frog came into the same bank and also saw Patty Wack for a loan. Patty told the frog that he would need to offer something of value as collateral to secure the loan and asked if he had any collateral. The frog said he had collateral but would have to go home and get it.
When the frog came back he handed Patty a brass ornament as collateral for his loan.
"But I don't even know what this is!" Patty replied. The frog told her it is his most precious item; it had great value to him and he wanted to use it as collateral for his loan.
After going around a while with Patty wanting better collateral and the frog insisting that this was his best collateral and should be enough, Patty took the matter to the bank manager. After laying out the entire story Patty took the brass piece out of her pocket and said, "To top it all off this is what he is offering as collateral! I don't even know what it is!"
The bank manager responded: "It's a knickknack Patty Wack, give the frog a loan."

@jakedduck1

How about a few blond jokes? Make her brunette if you want or even bald

911

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.

Jump to this post

@jakedduck1 lol I needed that as Im watch parade and burnt cranberries 😤

@2011panc

There once was a snail that grew tired of being teased for being slow, so he decided to buy a fast car. He saw a car dealership across the road one day and saw just what he wanted. When he got there the next day he discovered that he would need a loan, so he set off for the bank across the street. Two days later he got to the bank and went up to a teller to ask for a loan. The teller referred him to the loan department and Patty Wack, the loan officer? began the approval process for the loan.
Why do you want a loan? — I want to buy a car.
How much is this car? — $50,000.
That is an expensive car. Why is it so expensive? — It's a cherry red mustang with a 575 engine and a giant golden S painted on the hood.
That is a lot of car. Why do you want that car in particular? — I'm a snail and I'm tired of everybody teasing me about being slow. When I get this car I want people to look at me zooming past and say, "Look at that S car go!"

Later that month a frog came into the same bank and also saw Patty Wack for a loan. Patty told the frog that he would need to offer something of value as collateral to secure the loan and asked if he had any collateral. The frog said he had collateral but would have to go home and get it.
When the frog came back he handed Patty a brass ornament as collateral for his loan.
"But I don't even know what this is!" Patty replied. The frog told her it is his most precious item; it had great value to him and he wanted to use it as collateral for his loan.
After going around a while with Patty wanting better collateral and the frog insisting that this was his best collateral and should be enough, Patty took the matter to the bank manager. After laying out the entire story Patty took the brass piece out of her pocket and said, "To top it all off this is what he is offering as collateral! I don't even know what it is!"
The bank manager responded: "It's a knickknack Patty Wack, give the frog a loan."

Jump to this post

@2011panc
Thank you for the jokes.
Those were funny.
Jake

SPERM COUNTING

There was this guy that went to the doctor to get is sperm counted.The lady behind the desk handed him a jar and said, "Bring it back tomorrow, full." He says, "Okay, I'll be back tomorrow then."
Well he goes home and comes back the next day, and he hands the woman the jar. She says, "Nothing's in it." The man responds, "Well, I went home and I tried with my right hand and I tried with my left hand and nothing happend. I called my wife into the room, and she tried with her right hand and she tried with her left hand. Nothing still happend. Well, we called our neighbor and she came over, and she tried with her right hand ans she tried with her left hand, and still nothing happened.
And the woman behind the counter looked stunned and asked, "You asked your neighbor over to help you!?" And he says, "Yeah, we couldn't get the jar open."
Jake

Liked by linda

@jakedduck1 lol

@lioness
Get your head out of the gutter so mine can flow through, lol
Jake

Liked by linda

@jakedduck1 bla,bla,bla

A joke for Jake– what do you call a cow with no legs–GROUND BEEF. From Dr. Rubenzer, in hospital with pneumonia, sepsis and UTI on New Year's eve.

Shared files

AIS SHARE--- SELF-CALMING (AIS-SHARE-SELF-CALMING...REDUCING-NATIONAL-ATTENTION-DEFICIT-RUBENZER-12-25-2018-1.pdf)

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