Holidays make it worse
Im pretty bad right now. I havent cut in years, now I find myself grasping for any sort of relief or distraction. The holidays make it worse. My first year without my grandma, she passed earlier this year, she was the last living grandparent. My second holiday without my brother and his family. Ever since I confronted my brother, everything went south. So they moved away all of the sudden. Hes a huge Narcissist-needs control. Also my abuser.
Im having health problems and living with parents. They are crazy in different ways, being judgemental and unreasonable, have me out of my mind at times.
Example, Im tired, we both are, but my mom starts a fight about something, blames me for making it something and i just sat there and said, im not gonna win, it doesnt matter. Then i walked away and she continued being nasty. At this point i have to distance myself, or we could kill eachother.
I already feel like shit emotionally and physically. They have always been poor at communication, im the one whos been working for years, but she cant shut up and listen for once. But i can only do so much. It just hurts, even when they say it shouldnt.
I feel duped every time she goes off on me, it scars me. Trying to build boundaries and grow trust around here feels like pulling teeth without the novocaine.
Oh, and I confronted my parents too. Ya, that went well…