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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.
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My husbands therapist also recommended journalling. My therapist suggested we do art together.
Day by day
We make our way
For how long
I cannot say.
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1 ReactionI noticed changes in my husband's memory maybe five or six years ago but I wasn't sure. I thought I might be exaggerating. He was still working and getting along with others but friends began to notice things too, which was a help to me because I felt validated. Things have continued to decline until now there's no doubt and my husband has been diagnosed by a neurologist with Alzheimer's. He, of course, doesn't think anything is the matter, yet he keeps talking about how he thinks he won't last much longer. He seems perfectly healthy physically, but maybe he knows something the rest of us don't. It's all very confusing because it's hard to know what's really happening and it's impossible to talk to him about it or plan for the future. And it's so sad, especially as he tries all the time to be helpful around the house. I guess he wants to do the things he can still do because there are more and more things he can't.
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1 ReactionThe desire to be alone -- yes, I understand that. My husband can still drive and visit his favorite coffee shop where he's well known and apparently tolerated. I cherish the time to myself. I do try to get out myself, but I'm always aware that he's at home waiting for me, anxiously watching the clock. When I do return, he'll be standing out on the porch waiting for me. I know his dependence is part of his illness but I seem to suffer from it more than he does. I guess that's a blessing?
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2 ReactionsHi,
have you taken time for yourself to do things you use to like? But, without your Spouse being with you?
No pill will solve my wife's issues. Her new behavior is up to the neurologist to determine after more testing.
One full year is fast approaching for June. God is giving me an opportunity to "do things" she chose not in 14 years of being with each other. And, 12 years of marriage.
Keith
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2 Reactions@ellenkrellfactor, my garden is my refuge for everything. Just pulling a weed or two, deadheading a bloom or filling the birdbath can change my disposition.
I like your suggestions of trying to sit quietly for a little while. As a caregiver, there's always so much to do and the temptation to rush off and get something done is great. But a simple quiet moment or meditation is something for you and is proven to have health benefits.
Do you simply sit for a moment with your thoughts or do you use a tool like breathing or a guided audio or something similar? How successful are you with calming your thoughts?
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1 Reaction@ketcham138, your comment about housekeeping reminded me of things @IndianaScott often shares of things being “Good Enough.” The dust bunnies will wait.
You might also enjoy this discussion and share some of the books you've enjoyed with your book clubs.
- What are you reading? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/what-are-you-reading/
Or this one:
- Lone caregiver: looking to talk about cats, books, music, food, more.. https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/lone-caregiver-of-husband-looking-for-people-to-talk-to-just-about-an/
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1 ReactionYes i do things alone, Im an introvert and actually enjoy it.
My husband also eagerly waits my return just as Pamelas does. Instead of feeling smothered im telling myself its sweet and a characteristic i could learn from.
Hugs to all
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2 ReactionsI'm trying to do as you do and just accept that rather than being annoyed when I see him standing outside, scanning the sidewalk for me, I should understand that he simply misses me. I have learned more patience and tolerance since this all began four or five years ago. At first I was angry, very angry. Everything he did was so annoying. I didn't blow up at him but would go to my best friend's house and vent to her. That helped. But as time has gone on and my husband has declined, I'm no longer angry. I do get annoyed but probably no more than any spouse would in normal circumstances. Being a caregiver is more than looking out for the other person, it's a lesson to improve oneself.
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2 ReactionsIts a very hard road, and i too have struggled with resentment. I feel like I'm in a new season of acceptance now so i feel much better emotionally. I hope for more peace for us both. My garden brings me joy, what brings you joy Pamela?
Working in my yard and moving my plants around. I can finally put some of the indoor ones outside and that feels good. I have an ascending aortic aneurysm so I try to be careful and not overdo, but getting out in the fresh air is so helpful. I'm an introvert too and I read a lot. A lot! Plants and books are what fill my bucket. I'm going to see my lawyer next week and probably get a financial advisor to deal with what's coming. Taking action like that makes me feel less helpless.