~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

I think I’m posting in the wrong place. How does one maintain sleep during benzo withdrawal?

Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays - most days - it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby

Hi, @sears - no worries. Wondering if you wanted to post in this thread you've posted in before about getting some sleep during a benzodiazapine withdrawal https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/my-clonazepam-story/?

Hi Lisa, I haven’t posted for a little while. I’m not feeling well. It started Tuesday night and this is physical, to be really tired to the point of damaging my car and having to slam on the breaks to keep from hitting the car in front of me because I was falling asleep driving. Yesterday morning I was in absolute tears 😭 that I wanted to jump off my balcony and that was my thinking. The thoughts were so fast and I just wanted to sleep and that’s all that I’m doing now. I’m going to try and sleep a little bit more. Wish me luck.

Hi, @smilie - wondering how you are feeling lately?

Hi all …. I'm not sure how to put the newest post in at the top, so if someone could help me, I'd appreciate it.
Well, here I still am. I've been here in VA for 4 years and I still don't like it. I so much want to go home (Frederick, MD). I never go anywhere but once a week to see my girls, but oh it was such a mistake to move down here. I'm in good health, my mind is clear, and the only reason I moved was because my 3 kids hounded me to move for several years. I'd lived in MD for 30 years, and I doubt I'll ever adjust to this place. Half the days of the week I don't get dressed …. this was never me before. I was busy and active, had a church I loved, a wonderful condo, and dear friends. But, finally I relented and came here. Here of late I've been waking up about 4:30 AM and I'm totally confused … I'm thinking "where am I?, am I still at my condo?, where's my husband? (we've been divorced for over 10 years after a 42 year marriage). I finally get a grip on reality and by then I'm totally awake. I turn on the TV and eventually fall asleep again. I see a Psychiatrist for meds. every 1-2 months, and try to get up to see my therapist about every 6 weeks, except in Winter when the weather is bad. We used to have a weekly phone session, but now the insurance company has them charge the same price for a phone session as they do a person to person session, and they won't pay for it ….. the insured (me) has to, and at their rates I just can't do that.
I hate to admit this, but somedays - most days - it's just not worth it. I've tried getting a job, but at 74, no one can tell me they don't discriminate because of age …. they sure do. I'm just ready to be done ….. then it would be all over with. My X only lives 20 min. down the road from me in a big, lovely house, and I pinch every penny just to get by. I'm looking into Medicaid and Food Banks. When my Dad died he left me with a sizeable inheritance, but (most of you know this so I'm sorry to be repeating it) unfortunately.
he has a ponzi scheme going on and I lost over half of what I had. He got his due from the SEC, but the rest of us got nothing.
I'm exhausted trying to squeeze every nickel into a quarter. I've had several friends say to me that even though I didn't ask for alimony, because of the inheritance, out of "the goodness of his heart" my X should voluntarily help out a little. Goodness of his heart, huh????? I don't think Narcissists even have a heart, let alone one that will "give."
Thanks for listening, abby

I will make this as short as possible. When I was divorced, over 10 years ago (after a 43 year marriage) I did not ask for alimony as I had a substantial inheritance. Well, I ran. into an unscrupulous money manager (suggested to me) and he was running a ponzi scheme. I was left with much less than I had, probably not enough to live on til my end. I live in a low-cost apartment, can barely pay my bills, buy absolutely nothing fun, and sometimes my rent is late. My X is doing great - big house, goes everywhere - Europe, etc. Now considering that I did not ask for alimony because at that time I had plenty of money. I talked to my lawyer about this and she told me the case could be reopened IF he was working, which he is not. I am considering writing to him, carefully (he's a narcissist) and ask him to please consider giving me some extra $ each month, considering I did not ask for it before. I had what I thought was plenty, and "didn't want to make him live like a pauper." Part of me says "do it" and the other part says "no." He's well aware of my situation. If it were not for my dear son, who sends me money each month, I'd never make the monthly payments.
abby
abby