~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

Posted by .harp player @amberpep, Feb 26, 2019

I’m 74 years old and moved 3 years ago from MD to VA. My girls had hounded me to come down for several years so I finally did it. I sold my condo (at a loss), and a job with a dentist. Well, here I am, and financially I’m just not making it. That amount I earned from the dentist covered me with just a little left over. Now, more than often, I don’t have enough. I eeked out just enough for my rent this month, and now there’s not even enough for a quart of milk. I get S.S. and what I get goes right out for my rent (usually there’s enough), and my son sends me money each month. I’m sickened, depressed, and scared. I live in low income housing, and have a budget that practically squeaks. I’m thinking of starting to sell some of my furniture.
I so wish I’d have stayed in MD, for so many reasons, this being one of them. I have applied for oodles of jobs (they’re all on line now), and legally they’re not supposed to ask you how old you are (although many do), but they all ask when you graduated from either high school or college …. well, it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out how old a person is. I’m so depressed about this, and .so upset that my stomach.constantly churns.
Thanks for letting me vent.
abby

Hi everyone … I am a 75 year old woman, divorced after 43 years and 3 adult kids. That was about 10 years ago. I got my own condo and was blissfully happy. For the first time I felt like I could be myself, do what I wanted (or not), go where I wanted, and just savor the joy of my own place and the peace and quiet it brought me. (my X is a narcissist) Well, from that time on my 2 girls hounded me to move to VA – near where they are. I didn't want to move, as for the first time in my life I was happy. They hounded me for about 4-5 years to "please move down Mom, we want you here." Finally I relented, and 4 years ago I moved down here. I lived in Harrisonburg for 1 year and now I've been in Staunton for 3 years. It was probably one of the worst decisions I ever made. It was like taking an old tree, ripping it out of the ground, and replanting it somewhere else and expecting it to thrive …. this old tree isn't thriving at all. Because of a situation I won't go into now, I live in a low-income complex with all the problems that go with that ….. drugs, guns, prostitution, etc. I am always inside before dark. I have not been able to find a church yet, I have no friends, except for 1 neighbor with whom I don't have much in common. Basically I only go to the grocery store, a doctor's appt., and my Psychiatrist for anxiety/depression (Bipolar 2). I keep thinking of all the things and people I left behind. It was truly "home" and I loved it. And to top it off, my X only lives about 20 miles from here. I know there's nothing anyone can do about it, but it just feels good to tell you all.
abby

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@amberpep

Hi everyone … I am a 75 year old woman, divorced after 43 years and 3 adult kids. That was about 10 years ago. I got my own condo and was blissfully happy. For the first time I felt like I could be myself, do what I wanted (or not), go where I wanted, and just savor the joy of my own place and the peace and quiet it brought me. (my X is a narcissist) Well, from that time on my 2 girls hounded me to move to VA – near where they are. I didn't want to move, as for the first time in my life I was happy. They hounded me for about 4-5 years to "please move down Mom, we want you here." Finally I relented, and 4 years ago I moved down here. I lived in Harrisonburg for 1 year and now I've been in Staunton for 3 years. It was probably one of the worst decisions I ever made. It was like taking an old tree, ripping it out of the ground, and replanting it somewhere else and expecting it to thrive …. this old tree isn't thriving at all. Because of a situation I won't go into now, I live in a low-income complex with all the problems that go with that ….. drugs, guns, prostitution, etc. I am always inside before dark. I have not been able to find a church yet, I have no friends, except for 1 neighbor with whom I don't have much in common. Basically I only go to the grocery store, a doctor's appt., and my Psychiatrist for anxiety/depression (Bipolar 2). I keep thinking of all the things and people I left behind. It was truly "home" and I loved it. And to top it off, my X only lives about 20 miles from here. I know there's nothing anyone can do about it, but it just feels good to tell you all.
abby

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Hi @amberpep, As per @gingerw's suggestion, I moved your new message to the discussion where you've told your story and received lovely support from so many caring members. This discussion now appears in both the Mental Health group where you originally posted it and in the Aging Well group where you posted.

Abby, it must be discouraging to read today's post and compare it to your post from 15 months ago and to see that your messages are almost the same. How can we help you move forward? Rather than looking in the rear view mirror and only seeing past times as "blissfully happy," how can you look out the front window and make small steps to accepting those things that have to be accepted and changing things that are in your control?

What is one thing that you can do today to make you smile?

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@amberpep Discouraging for you to have been this unhappy for so long. I am sorry to see you still struggling so. Do you have any kind of hobbies?? It might give you some distraction. There are so many things that can be done with so little. I have been weaving small baskets out of newspaper tubes. I have neighbors who save their papers for me. This is only a suggestion.

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@colleenyoung

Hi @amberpep, As per @gingerw's suggestion, I moved your new message to the discussion where you've told your story and received lovely support from so many caring members. This discussion now appears in both the Mental Health group where you originally posted it and in the Aging Well group where you posted.

Abby, it must be discouraging to read today's post and compare it to your post from 15 months ago and to see that your messages are almost the same. How can we help you move forward? Rather than looking in the rear view mirror and only seeing past times as "blissfully happy," how can you look out the front window and make small steps to accepting those things that have to be accepted and changing things that are in your control?

What is one thing that you can do today to make you smile?

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Thank you so much Colleen ….. I appreciate your taking the time to write. My only "hobby" is reading …. another isolated venture. I truly think 90% of my feelings are due to the move. I was so happy up there, all my friends were there (here I have 1 "sort of" friend), my church up there (I haven't found any that fit at this point down here), all my neighbors were like a big family, my therapist is there, and I absolutely loved my condo and how cozy and safe I felt in it. It was mine and I decorated it to suit myself. I knew where to go for everything, and felt totally settled in, sort of like an old tree. I'd been in Frederick County for 32 years. Now I live in a low income community, with everything that goes with it …. drugs, fights, guns, hookers. I'm never out after dark. The other day I was walking my dog and about 30 ft. away was a group of boys – all about 10-11 (that's a guess). As I walked by one of them shouted "you can't "F" a dog." That did it ….. I turned around and told him that if lived in my house he'd have a bar of soap in his mouth. They stay away from me now. The people that "love" this town were born and raised here in the area, and they have very narrow definite ideas, so of course that always makes me a "yankee." I just should have never left Frederick …. my mistake and I'll probably pay for it forever. There's really nothing anyone can do …. it just is what it is.
abby

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I just wanted to let you know that you are loved. I'm so sorry you have to go through these things.

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@amberpep Hi Amber I am so sorry for your feeling of loneliness, I wanted to comment on 1 thing you mentioned about finding a Church and I am a firm believer in the ability of a church to help with what you are feeling. I am not from your area but I did some research on what looks to me as a solid church that may meet your needs. May I suggest looking into this church. Here is the link to there website
https://vbcstaunton.com/
Im sure if maybe you call them or send a note thru there website they may be able to help.

I Prey you have a Blessed Day
Dana

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Hi Dana …. bless you. Thank you so much for your church suggestion. Actually, I think that is where my neighbor goes. I've been Western Orthodox for about 15-20 years, after being evangelical/charismatic since 1970. (yes, I'm an "old lady") The Western Orthodox down here is just starting, just getting on its feet, and there are very few people there. I went there for about 8 months, but I desperately need friends, and the 2 other women there didn't seem to respond to newcomers. This weekend (if the church is open) I'm going to visit an Anglican Church. It's very lonesome having your one and only "true" friend (and I think you know what I mean by that) being 4 hours away. I used to drive up monthly, but then got off track when I only see my therapist periodically. I went to him for 14 years and he saw me through years of abuse, divorce, much childhood abuse, a breakdown, and the move here. He was definitely a gift from God. I'm hoping that the Anglican Church – which judging from the pictures on their site – is not too big, will open up some doors for me to get connected. I am a person who enjoys being alone, but not all the time, every day, on and on and on. I saw a new book I'm going to get when I have the money … it's called "Tell Your Heart To Sing Again" by James Gall (or Goll – not sure which).
And now with all this stuff involving the move, I had to have my kitty put to sleep last week. I have a dog and had a cat. Since I live alone, they are my family. Thanks again …… abby

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Does anyone else feel like they're getting loonie (or for me – loonier) with this "lockin" …. I call it "lockup."? I'm not one to run around and go somewhere every day ….. in fact I savor time to be home and read, but this is getting ridiculous. I know why, but I sometimes wonder if some of these leaders are on a power trip.

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I assume I'm still in the "aging well" site …… I hope so. In January I turned 75. All of a sudden it hit me! OMG! I'm getting old! I start figuring out how much time I may still have (right now I'm in excellent health with only a knee replacement), and my Dad lived to 86, even with Alzheimers. Has this ever "hit" any of you? It sort of took me aback. Oh, I "knew" the reality, but somehow now it got deep down inside. And, you all know my situation with the move and financially so I won't go into that again. If I had that money back, that the F.A. essentially stole from me, I'd have gone back to Frederick in a heartbeat, especially after I found out that my X-husband only lived about 20-25 minutes away…..UGH. I knew he was "down here somewhere" as my girls told me, but I had no idea he was that close. Anyhow, I really mentally feel old – not physically, but mentally. I keep thinking that "time is short, it won't be long now, and get ready." As if I don't struggle with depression (bipolar 1) enough, now I am fretting about this. I've read many books about it from the Christian viewpoint which are very encouraging, but I keep wondering …. "what is it like?" Thanks for listening. abby

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@amberpep

Does anyone else feel like they're getting loonie (or for me – loonier) with this "lockin" …. I call it "lockup."? I'm not one to run around and go somewhere every day ….. in fact I savor time to be home and read, but this is getting ridiculous. I know why, but I sometimes wonder if some of these leaders are on a power trip.

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Yes my anxiety is at an all time high.

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@amberpep

Hi Dana …. bless you. Thank you so much for your church suggestion. Actually, I think that is where my neighbor goes. I've been Western Orthodox for about 15-20 years, after being evangelical/charismatic since 1970. (yes, I'm an "old lady") The Western Orthodox down here is just starting, just getting on its feet, and there are very few people there. I went there for about 8 months, but I desperately need friends, and the 2 other women there didn't seem to respond to newcomers. This weekend (if the church is open) I'm going to visit an Anglican Church. It's very lonesome having your one and only "true" friend (and I think you know what I mean by that) being 4 hours away. I used to drive up monthly, but then got off track when I only see my therapist periodically. I went to him for 14 years and he saw me through years of abuse, divorce, much childhood abuse, a breakdown, and the move here. He was definitely a gift from God. I'm hoping that the Anglican Church – which judging from the pictures on their site – is not too big, will open up some doors for me to get connected. I am a person who enjoys being alone, but not all the time, every day, on and on and on. I saw a new book I'm going to get when I have the money … it's called "Tell Your Heart To Sing Again" by James Gall (or Goll – not sure which).
And now with all this stuff involving the move, I had to have my kitty put to sleep last week. I have a dog and had a cat. Since I live alone, they are my family. Thanks again …… abby

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@amberpep You are welcome and I hope the church works out and you find some friends. I understand that feeling of time is short and im a firm believer in things spoken of in the Bible of end times so I would hope you find someone that can be of help with your feelings. May God bless you.
Dana

Liked by lioness

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@amberpep

I assume I'm still in the "aging well" site …… I hope so. In January I turned 75. All of a sudden it hit me! OMG! I'm getting old! I start figuring out how much time I may still have (right now I'm in excellent health with only a knee replacement), and my Dad lived to 86, even with Alzheimers. Has this ever "hit" any of you? It sort of took me aback. Oh, I "knew" the reality, but somehow now it got deep down inside. And, you all know my situation with the move and financially so I won't go into that again. If I had that money back, that the F.A. essentially stole from me, I'd have gone back to Frederick in a heartbeat, especially after I found out that my X-husband only lived about 20-25 minutes away…..UGH. I knew he was "down here somewhere" as my girls told me, but I had no idea he was that close. Anyhow, I really mentally feel old – not physically, but mentally. I keep thinking that "time is short, it won't be long now, and get ready." As if I don't struggle with depression (bipolar 1) enough, now I am fretting about this. I've read many books about it from the Christian viewpoint which are very encouraging, but I keep wondering …. "what is it like?" Thanks for listening. abby

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@amberpep, Hi, Abby, at 76yrs old, I sometimes shake my head in wonder that I am really past the 3/4th century mark. However, it only takes a moment's reflection of recalling life events to make me marvel that I am still here at all, much less still standing and able to walk. vbg

Several chronic health issues plus age have put me in that "vulnerable" population for COVID-19. Before the pandemic arrived in the U.S., I was aware of less energy and taking more frequent "sit down breaks" from tasks that before would keep me at them longer. I had stopped going out as often socially mainly due to changes in my friends' lives. Some had moved away; others were moving into senior establishments and some had died. However, with the constant bombardment of virus news, I began self-isolating earlier than acquaintances, neighbors and friends in my area. Although I live in a smaller city, TX is a state that "re-opened" early and continues to report increases in virus numbers daily. Although I am one of the youngest in the eight family homes at end of the end of our block, I am the only one who is still staying put and ordering local grocery deliveries.

The locals I mentioned above are attending church, getting hair and nails done, shopping at nurseries, groceries and stores. Many of that group are in their mid-80's and I've begun to question if I am the one living in an alternate universe by staying home.

While some seem energized and are busily getting rid of things no longer needed, wanted or used in their homes, I seem to be in more of a fog. My "virus" daily routine differs from my "before" March 13th activities. However, I made an early decision to jot down three tasks to do each day the night before. Short and "doable", they give me a direction each morning. I also start and end each day by adding to a growing list of gratitudes.

None of us can know how long or short our time will be but it continues to amaze me that so many of us here having taken individual safety health precautions are still trucking along after so many weeks of the pandemic. One of the many benefits of this support group is that others know and understand the challenges, fears and concerns that befall us all. While the specifics may differ, we share a common desire to support, encourage and empathize with one another.

What helps me most when feeling blue or anxious is to literally "make myself" do something physical. I even play the childhood dare of promising myself a "reward" if I'll just "do" whatever. Maybe infantile and the rewards are simple and free but giving myself the "permission" to take an afternoon "off" or having a dinner from the freezer rather than doing another from scratch seems to do the trick for me. smiles

Are you following any of the Connect threads for special interests or hobbies like the walking, visual, just want to talk, or others?

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Hi too am over the 3/4/of a century . At 77 As fiesty76 I had a good life and look back at all I was able to accomplish I give God the credit for it all. But with this virus it is scary and I isolate as well as most people. I'm concerned with how @fiesty76 and @imallers are doing as both states are up in rise of the virus . We here are too. Especially at our building we found out there is the virus on a lady that is in the hospital with the virus and pneumonia ,fever '105 . I'm monitering myself but really was,nt in touch with her that much except she laundred my clothes . I can't spell anymore since I've gotten older anyone else find this at our mature age? A friend of mine here did touch her and is self isolating . I pray we don't get it in our building or any of us . Take care

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@lioness

Hi too am over the 3/4/of a century . At 77 As fiesty76 I had a good life and look back at all I was able to accomplish I give God the credit for it all. But with this virus it is scary and I isolate as well as most people. I'm concerned with how @fiesty76 and @imallers are doing as both states are up in rise of the virus . We here are too. Especially at our building we found out there is the virus on a lady that is in the hospital with the virus and pneumonia ,fever '105 . I'm monitering myself but really was,nt in touch with her that much except she laundred my clothes . I can't spell anymore since I've gotten older anyone else find this at our mature age? A friend of mine here did touch her and is self isolating . I pray we don't get it in our building or any of us . Take care

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@lioness, Hi, friend, Linda. I am certainly adding my prayers to yours that you continue to stay well and safe, even more so now that a laundry person in your bldg has been hospitalized with the virus and pneumonia. When you say monitoring, are you taking your temp now daily? Are there additional precautions you are also taking now?

We've chuckled before about our joint lack of spelling prowess now with the growing number of years and when you ask now about others, I had to tell you that an acquaintance who is at 10 yrs younger was moaning the other day that while she competed in her state's spelling contest in her youth, she now finds herself reaching more often for the dictionary. Naughty of me, but I really appreciated hearing that! vbg

I haven't seen one of your recent colorings on the visual effects site. Are you still finding pages to color? I printed out a free copy of a turkey from the Crayola site and it remains uncolored even though I have crayons and markers with which to turn it psychedelic garish. I think what is stopping me is that there are so many state and federal leaders I'd like to send it to with a rather "how the cow ate the cabbage" message that I just can't find the "right" colors with which to begin…hmm any suggestions …mebbe pea green with mustard and fuschia for the gobble???

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@fiesty76

@lioness, Hi, friend, Linda. I am certainly adding my prayers to yours that you continue to stay well and safe, even more so now that a laundry person in your bldg has been hospitalized with the virus and pneumonia. When you say monitoring, are you taking your temp now daily? Are there additional precautions you are also taking now?

We've chuckled before about our joint lack of spelling prowess now with the growing number of years and when you ask now about others, I had to tell you that an acquaintance who is at 10 yrs younger was moaning the other day that while she competed in her state's spelling contest in her youth, she now finds herself reaching more often for the dictionary. Naughty of me, but I really appreciated hearing that! vbg

I haven't seen one of your recent colorings on the visual effects site. Are you still finding pages to color? I printed out a free copy of a turkey from the Crayola site and it remains uncolored even though I have crayons and markers with which to turn it psychedelic garish. I think what is stopping me is that there are so many state and federal leaders I'd like to send it to with a rather "how the cow ate the cabbage" message that I just can't find the "right" colors with which to begin…hmm any suggestions …mebbe pea green with mustard and fuschia for the gobble???

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@fiesty76 Hi friend you made me laugh I think pea green and mustard yellow would be appropriate . I'm glad to hear we are't that old that a youngster can't spell either . Yes I'm taking my temp 2 times a day its 96.6 it was always low from the norm. Extra use of clorax,water on my soles of shoes , wash face and eyeglasses when I get back in . Besides the mask ,gloves and clothes . I did'nt do a painting but tried my hand a drawing I don't know if you call it zentangle as Ginger does but I'll post it see what you think . Glad your o.k. take care stay safe . Linda

Liked by fiesty76

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