~ Depressed and scared ~

Posted by amberpep @amberpep, Tue, Feb 26 8:00am

I'm 74 years old and moved 3 years ago from MD to VA. My girls had hounded me to come down for several years so I finally did it. I sold my condo (at a loss), and a job with a dentist. Well, here I am, and financially I'm just not making it. That amount I earned from the dentist covered me with just a little left over. Now, more than often, I don't have enough. I eeked out just enough for my rent this month, and now there's not even enough for a quart of milk. I get S.S. and what I get goes right out for my rent (usually there's enough), and my son sends me money each month. I'm sickened, depressed, and scared. I live in low income housing, and have a budget that practically squeaks. I'm thinking of starting to sell some of my furniture.
I so wish I'd have stayed in MD, for so many reasons, this being one of them. I have applied for oodles of jobs (they're all on line now), and legally they're not supposed to ask you how old you are (although many do), but they all ask when you graduated from either high school or college …. well, it doesn't take rocket science to figure out how old a person is. I'm so depressed about this, and .so upset that my stomach.constantly churns.
Thanks for letting me vent.
abby

The home health care agencies that offer home care for elderly or rehab clients usually do not discriminate. I've seen some recent posts on working as a senior person. I'm your age and that's where I work. It is possible so do not despair.

REPLY

Hi georgette …. thanks so much for replying. My neighbor, who is my age, works for one of those, and after 6 years she's paid $9 an hour. She has really had to do things an LPN should do ….. clean up BM all over the patient, sheets, and bathroom, have food thrown at her, and be totally degraded. I had to take care of my Dad, with Alzheimers before he went into an institution, and did many of the "cleaning up" things. I don't want to sound snotty, but I can't do that again. She also has to work 2 weekends a month, stay overnight 2 nights a month, and be ready to fill in for another caretaker who can't go.
abby

REPLY

Yes I've heard that happens. Many agencies pay more depending on the state. I get paid more in Colorado and I also decline all clients who are inappropriate. I also see the clients who I don't want and decline overnights and everything I don't want. That has always worked for me. On the other hand I understand how it can be challenging

REPLY

@amberpep So true. Knowing someone's age is a no-brainer. Think they are being polite or think us just plain stupid?? I truly am sorry things have been so difficult. Are your daughters aware?? They wanted you close. I will admit I am terribly confused.

REPLY

Thank you both for responding …. I feel like someone knows I'm here. In my state, VA, apparently my neighbor has little choice. They send her out, introduce her, and that's it ….. the rest is up to her. Yes, I've had other friends say to me "if your kids wanted you down here so bad, why didn't they pay your moving costs?" Well, I had to go into Finance Consolidation to pay that off – that move cost $12,000 and then I lost money on my condo. My son is helping me and one of my daughters, but the other daughter and her husband are as tight as I am. I'm so tired …. I should have never been convinced by them to move ….. life is a chore.
abby

REPLY

Hi Georgette … with the company my neighbor works for, they have no choice – they must have 2 weekends, 2 overnights a month, and either Thanksgiving or Christmas. For $9 that's asking a lot.
abby

REPLY

@amberpep Hi amberpep, gee I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hate that you feel life is a chore. If I had $, I’d send it to you! Only I could be homeless in a month or so. I’m in the hospital now, my brother, who lives with me lost his job and is working PT . I’m on disability because of the fibro and RA. I understand. I hope you know I’m praying for you. ……Karen

Liked by johnhans

REPLY

Check out some inspirational stuff..one of my favorite people to listen to to help my mood is Neil Pasricha. He is a 'real life guy' with a Harvard MBA who goes around talking about the best self help books, and how books can really help. I also listen to his podcasts which often have very inspirational messages as to why we get so down on ourselves and how it tends to be a cycle. The podcast is called 3books. He also fell into a depression and started a blog called 1000 awesome things. His work has helped me tremendously and I hope it helps you also! I unfortunately cannot include the links but check it out!

REPLY
@karen00

@amberpep Hi amberpep, gee I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hate that you feel life is a chore. If I had $, I’d send it to you! Only I could be homeless in a month or so. I’m in the hospital now, my brother, who lives with me lost his job and is working PT . I’m on disability because of the fibro and RA. I understand. I hope you know I’m praying for you. ……Karen

Jump to this post

Hi Karen …. there are so many of us in the same, or similar situation. Something is wrong …. aren't these the "golden years?" It's more like the poverty years. And I will pray for you my friend.
abby

Liked by johnhans, dianrib

REPLY
@parus

@amberpep So true. Knowing someone's age is a no-brainer. Think they are being polite or think us just plain stupid?? I truly am sorry things have been so difficult. Are your daughters aware?? They wanted you close. I will admit I am terribly confused.

Jump to this post

Hi Parus ….. yes, I think that when you "get to a certain age" they see us all as little old, blue haired ladies wearing house dresses and slippers everywhere we go. Well, it's not that way anymore. Yes, one of my girls, and my son know what's happening. My other daughter and her husband are on a very tight budget, so I don't say too much to her. My son sends me money every month and my daughter gives me money every month. I appreciate it, but at the same time I hate that I'm in this position. I feel like a drain on everyone. I spent the entire day answering Indeed ads …. now it's 9:30 PM and I have no doubt that I'll hear nothing from them. It's just useless. I should have stayed in MD where I had a job and could keep up with things without eating canned beans every night.
abby

REPLY

@amberpep There are many things I should “have”and “had not”of done. Dwelling on those things will worsen things for me. I get stuck in those regrets and end up spiraling down and start doing the self pity thing and how others are thriving and if I had of or not had of-I only end up deeper in. Sounds you were accustomed to a better lifestyle in the past. Same here. Finding a job at any age can be difficult. Good you keep trying as we all need something to focus on and have something to do. I hear how you feel useless and want a job. Volunteering does not help pay the bills but may help you feel you are contributing in some way.

REPLY
@georgette12

Yes I've heard that happens. Many agencies pay more depending on the state. I get paid more in Colorado and I also decline all clients who are inappropriate. I also see the clients who I don't want and decline overnights and everything I don't want. That has always worked for me. On the other hand I understand how it can be challenging

Jump to this post

@georgette12
Point well taken. You can pick and choose home health care jobs. There are lots of different agencies to register with. Some are probably better than others..

REPLY

Re home health agencies, there are definitely some that try to take advantage of employees. I work for two agencies part time now. One is great. The other definitely has issues and frankly has tried to ask me to do what I will not do. They haven't fired me for my assertiveness yet. But I finally have figured out I need to stand up for myself or allow myself to be used. I do think that wherever you work it's the same thing . Employers will push those they think are weak. I just cannot let that happen anymore as I have in the past I will admit.

REPLY

Please don't be upset – although I can understand how you must feel. Can't your children help you out more? You raised them and took care of their every need – now it's time for them to step up to the plate and help you. I hope in some way they read all you wrote and come to your aide. You sound like a very special person – don't give up – there is always a way out. I will lift you up in my prayers. Take care of yourself.

REPLY
@parus

@amberpep So true. Knowing someone's age is a no-brainer. Think they are being polite or think us just plain stupid?? I truly am sorry things have been so difficult. Are your daughters aware?? They wanted you close. I will admit I am terribly confused.

Jump to this post

Hi parus …. yes, my daughters are aware…. one gives me money out of their tithe to their church each month, and my son, who lives in Alexandria, VA pitches in a good bit more. Frankly, I'm ready to go back …. but to what? No condo, no job ……

REPLY
Please login or register to post a reply.