~ Depressed and scared, not making it financially ~

Posted by .harp player @amberpep, Feb 26, 2019

I’m 74 years old and moved 3 years ago from MD to VA. My girls had hounded me to come down for several years so I finally did it. I sold my condo (at a loss), and a job with a dentist. Well, here I am, and financially I’m just not making it. That amount I earned from the dentist covered me with just a little left over. Now, more than often, I don’t have enough. I eeked out just enough for my rent this month, and now there’s not even enough for a quart of milk. I get S.S. and what I get goes right out for my rent (usually there’s enough), and my son sends me money each month. I’m sickened, depressed, and scared. I live in low income housing, and have a budget that practically squeaks. I’m thinking of starting to sell some of my furniture.
I so wish I’d have stayed in MD, for so many reasons, this being one of them. I have applied for oodles of jobs (they’re all on line now), and legally they’re not supposed to ask you how old you are (although many do), but they all ask when you graduated from either high school or college …. well, it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out how old a person is. I’m so depressed about this, and .so upset that my stomach.constantly churns.
Thanks for letting me vent.
abby

@amberpep

Well, I found another job …. a cashier at our Lowes store, right behind me. That will get me out of the house during the day and get my brain doing more than thinking about how much I dislike it down here and worrying about all the things going on in the country. I'm grateful for them to hire an old lady!
abby

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Congratulations!!👏👏

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@amberpep

Hi fiesty … I too found 2 types of sneakers that work even without an insert, although I do put one in anyhow. I have a pair of really good NIKE's and also a pair of ASCICS. They are great.
abby

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@amberpep

That's great news, Abby. Your persistence has finally paid off!

Jim

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@amberpep

Well, I found another job …. a cashier at our Lowes store, right behind me. That will get me out of the house during the day and get my brain doing more than thinking about how much I dislike it down here and worrying about all the things going on in the country. I'm grateful for them to hire an old lady!
abby

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@amberpep That's Awesome it will be a great way to meet people also.
Dana

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@amberpep

Well, I found another job …. a cashier at our Lowes store, right behind me. That will get me out of the house during the day and get my brain doing more than thinking about how much I dislike it down here and worrying about all the things going on in the country. I'm grateful for them to hire an old lady!
abby

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@amberpep CONGRATULATIONS! Just smile at everyone and be yourself!

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@amberpep

Well, I found another job …. a cashier at our Lowes store, right behind me. That will get me out of the house during the day and get my brain doing more than thinking about how much I dislike it down here and worrying about all the things going on in the country. I'm grateful for them to hire an old lady!
abby

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@amberpep, Congratulations on your new job! Hope it goes well for you.

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@amberpep

Hi Colleen …. That is one thing I have always been guilty of …. running around barefoot or sock-footed. I guess now I'm paying for it. I have found that one of the styles of Merrell to which I add one of those rubber forms for p.f. works really well for me. I'll have to look at the Birkies …. are they the ones like sandles? or is it another style. It sure takes getting used to to be wearing real shoes all day when I've virtually lived barefooted. Getting out of bed in the AM is the worst … yeowee! What stretches do you do? I'll have to try the iced water bottle thing. Thanks for the information. Let me know about the Birkies.
abby

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@amberpep, congratulations on the new job. Now with being on your feet during your shifts, you'll have to be extra vigilant with taking care of the plantar fasciitis. It takes a long time to get rid of. Here's what I do (tips from my physio therapist)
1) calf stretches 4x30sec
a) lunging with back knee straight (gastrocnemius stretch)
– heels on ground, toes squared forward
– should feel tension/stretch in calf of back leg
b) lunging with back knee bent, foot forward slightly compared to 1a) (soleus stretch)
– heels on ground, toes squared forward
– should feel tension/stretch in achilles/back of ankle of back leg

2) heel circles 20x/direction (in AM)
– draw circles with heel (should feel very awkward, targeting ankle mobility as opposed to forefoot mobility)

3) self-massage calf with ball 10x movements/spot, ~5 spots
– sitting/lying with leg outstretched, place ball under calf
– maintain pressure on 1 spot at a time
– movement: ankle pumps (like you are pressing a gas pedal)

5) ice as needed
– 5-10 min (smaller area), not too cold

5) decrease high impact activities (e.g. running, jumping) for now

Yes, getting out of bed first thing in the morning is particularly painful. I have a belt (like a luggage belt) that I use to gently pull my foot into flex position and hold for 30 seconds, followed by heel circles. Sometimes I repeat. It all depends how urgently I need to take care of other body needs (a-hem) 🙂

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I was fired from my job due too many doctor excuses, before I was hired I explained to my boss of the health issues I was having. They claimed they understood and that they would work with me. So after 5 or more going to the doctors to find out why I wanted to pass out (I didn't want to pass out at work, because I didn't want my face to lay on a hot plate I had to use to put numbers on football / cheerleaders uniforms ext,.) Now after neck surgery I thought my passing out will pass, but it hasn't. Now I have to see a neuro doctor to see why when I turn my neck to the left I get dizzy and lightheaded and my head feels like I got a lot of fog inside to where I can't think at all, and I have to concentrate really hard to remember what I'm doing.
So, in order to by-pass this feeling I keep my head still and looking straight and turn my whole body to the left so I don't have that problem. Looking to the right is fine. I brought this issue up to the doctor who did my neck surgery but he doesn't want to see me anymore, and now I wish I had never went through neck surgery because the main issue I was having went away, but came back in 2 weeks with a lot more issues involved.

Has anyone else gone through neck surgery, if so was your issue fixed or has it gotten worse?

With all this, I have no job, and no money coming to help support my family and I'm feeling very low about myself. I am trying to get my books published but I don't even know if I can do that right. I have family and friends tell me not to waste my time on something that no one wants to read especially with my name on it.

So, with all this I don't know how I'm even coping with all the worry I have about my health and money issues.

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hI Abby! I am almost your age and I can imagine how hard it is for you to make all those life changes especially during all that is going on this year. I will be praying for you, Abby, and your wisdom in your decisions. Trust God to lead you (Proverbs 3:5-6), He will. I'm sure you are thankful that your family is closer to you and that you have a roof over your head. Here is a "word picture" for you from Max Lucado (author/pastor) In driving a car there is a reason why we spend a lot more time looking through the windshield than the rear view mirror." God Bless You, Abby. Sharon

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@david33

I was fired from my job due too many doctor excuses, before I was hired I explained to my boss of the health issues I was having. They claimed they understood and that they would work with me. So after 5 or more going to the doctors to find out why I wanted to pass out (I didn't want to pass out at work, because I didn't want my face to lay on a hot plate I had to use to put numbers on football / cheerleaders uniforms ext,.) Now after neck surgery I thought my passing out will pass, but it hasn't. Now I have to see a neuro doctor to see why when I turn my neck to the left I get dizzy and lightheaded and my head feels like I got a lot of fog inside to where I can't think at all, and I have to concentrate really hard to remember what I'm doing.
So, in order to by-pass this feeling I keep my head still and looking straight and turn my whole body to the left so I don't have that problem. Looking to the right is fine. I brought this issue up to the doctor who did my neck surgery but he doesn't want to see me anymore, and now I wish I had never went through neck surgery because the main issue I was having went away, but came back in 2 weeks with a lot more issues involved.

Has anyone else gone through neck surgery, if so was your issue fixed or has it gotten worse?

With all this, I have no job, and no money coming to help support my family and I'm feeling very low about myself. I am trying to get my books published but I don't even know if I can do that right. I have family and friends tell me not to waste my time on something that no one wants to read especially with my name on it.

So, with all this I don't know how I'm even coping with all the worry I have about my health and money issues.

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Hi Laura @david33, it sounds like you have been through a lot. It can be difficult to handle all of the emotions that come with losing a job, undergoing surgery and being financially unstable. Can you speak to the depression portion of living with your situation? Are you suffering from anxiety due to loss of income like @amberpep is? Have you spoken to your physician about any therapy or medications that may help you through this?

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@david33

I was fired from my job due too many doctor excuses, before I was hired I explained to my boss of the health issues I was having. They claimed they understood and that they would work with me. So after 5 or more going to the doctors to find out why I wanted to pass out (I didn't want to pass out at work, because I didn't want my face to lay on a hot plate I had to use to put numbers on football / cheerleaders uniforms ext,.) Now after neck surgery I thought my passing out will pass, but it hasn't. Now I have to see a neuro doctor to see why when I turn my neck to the left I get dizzy and lightheaded and my head feels like I got a lot of fog inside to where I can't think at all, and I have to concentrate really hard to remember what I'm doing.
So, in order to by-pass this feeling I keep my head still and looking straight and turn my whole body to the left so I don't have that problem. Looking to the right is fine. I brought this issue up to the doctor who did my neck surgery but he doesn't want to see me anymore, and now I wish I had never went through neck surgery because the main issue I was having went away, but came back in 2 weeks with a lot more issues involved.

Has anyone else gone through neck surgery, if so was your issue fixed or has it gotten worse?

With all this, I have no job, and no money coming to help support my family and I'm feeling very low about myself. I am trying to get my books published but I don't even know if I can do that right. I have family and friends tell me not to waste my time on something that no one wants to read especially with my name on it.

So, with all this I don't know how I'm even coping with all the worry I have about my health and money issues.

Jump to this post

Have you talked to a lawyer who deals with ADA issues? You were let go for the same condition that you had informed the company when you were hired. That's a violation of the disability protection act. Don't let people discourage you. It's very hard to go through that situation without people who should support you. There are also others who have written and there are groups online. Just don't let self publishers make you feel down. There is an answer for every question. Stop relating your situation to those who have put you down. It's a self defeating position. Concentrate on searching online for whatever you need to get to help your situation.

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I feel like I've just been slapped in the face. I know, in my "thinking" brain I haven't, but in my "emotional" brain it feels like I have. You all know I moved down here to the far western part of Virginia about 3-4 years ago, and have never particularly liked it. Well, I live in a low-income apartment which isn't particularly safe. There is a smaller building, owned by the same firm, right down the hill from me, which is just for seniors. It's somewhat cheaper and the places are smaller. My name has been on a list for about 1-1/2 years and so far, nothing. I'm tired of waiting, especially since I don't like it down here to begin with. Well, I've been toying with the idea of broaching the subject of an in-law suite to one of my daughters and her husband. I wrote to them, and very carefully brought it up and sent a website with all different types you could build attached to the big house, with double locked doors, so each would have their privacy. I absolutely love the woods …. the smells, sounds, the trees, the wet ground and all the critters in the mountains. Their place is only about 1/4 mile from a side entrance to the Blue Ridge Parkway. Oh I could have a beautiful garden, which I love, with flowers and veggies … heavenly. Well, they weren't nasty about it, but it didn't fly too well. My daughter gave me all sorts of reasons why …. "their house isn't structured for that, it would have to come out of the basement, and a variety of things." I understand, but at the same time I feel slapped in the face. I know it's totally their decision, but for some reason it just makes me sad …. I feel unwanted. I wouldn't be living with them as there would be 2 locked doors between us only to get together when we wanted to. So I guess I'm relegated at some point to go to the old ladies home ….. I know I'm certainly in that age bracket, but I don't feel like it ….. gossipy, snippy, always talking about someone. Even though it's only 4 hours from where I was in MD, it's whole different world here. There's still plenty of confederate flags flying. I like to know about the news locally and in the country and the world, am always seen with at least 2 books I'm reading under my arm, and just don't want to sit around and vegetate. I view moving there as the last step to the end. I just hate the thought of it. They have no kids and I thought with me not being in their way at all, unless invited, it would work. I knew another couple who did that and it went well.
The other option I thought of was one of those tiny houses, but around here, the company brings all the things to you and you have to build it or have someone else build it. And I don't know where I'd put it either ….. money is tight. I guess I'm just having a pity party, but I do not like it here and probably am about as adjusted as I'll ever be. Should have stayed in MD.
abby

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@amberpep

I feel like I've just been slapped in the face. I know, in my "thinking" brain I haven't, but in my "emotional" brain it feels like I have. You all know I moved down here to the far western part of Virginia about 3-4 years ago, and have never particularly liked it. Well, I live in a low-income apartment which isn't particularly safe. There is a smaller building, owned by the same firm, right down the hill from me, which is just for seniors. It's somewhat cheaper and the places are smaller. My name has been on a list for about 1-1/2 years and so far, nothing. I'm tired of waiting, especially since I don't like it down here to begin with. Well, I've been toying with the idea of broaching the subject of an in-law suite to one of my daughters and her husband. I wrote to them, and very carefully brought it up and sent a website with all different types you could build attached to the big house, with double locked doors, so each would have their privacy. I absolutely love the woods …. the smells, sounds, the trees, the wet ground and all the critters in the mountains. Their place is only about 1/4 mile from a side entrance to the Blue Ridge Parkway. Oh I could have a beautiful garden, which I love, with flowers and veggies … heavenly. Well, they weren't nasty about it, but it didn't fly too well. My daughter gave me all sorts of reasons why …. "their house isn't structured for that, it would have to come out of the basement, and a variety of things." I understand, but at the same time I feel slapped in the face. I know it's totally their decision, but for some reason it just makes me sad …. I feel unwanted. I wouldn't be living with them as there would be 2 locked doors between us only to get together when we wanted to. So I guess I'm relegated at some point to go to the old ladies home ….. I know I'm certainly in that age bracket, but I don't feel like it ….. gossipy, snippy, always talking about someone. Even though it's only 4 hours from where I was in MD, it's whole different world here. There's still plenty of confederate flags flying. I like to know about the news locally and in the country and the world, am always seen with at least 2 books I'm reading under my arm, and just don't want to sit around and vegetate. I view moving there as the last step to the end. I just hate the thought of it. They have no kids and I thought with me not being in their way at all, unless invited, it would work. I knew another couple who did that and it went well.
The other option I thought of was one of those tiny houses, but around here, the company brings all the things to you and you have to build it or have someone else build it. And I don't know where I'd put it either ….. money is tight. I guess I'm just having a pity party, but I do not like it here and probably am about as adjusted as I'll ever be. Should have stayed in MD.
abby

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@amberpep Im so sorry yes we all can appreciate the tough times we are in. I sometimes can get into similar situations where this or that sounds like it would be great. But i also remember the good things i do have and it reminds me how Blessed I am that I have my health and at least i have my electronic means to contact my family and friends. I also remember my faith. There is a poem i really love and it may help you also. It title is Footprints in the Sand. Just search for it and it will come up on whatever internet search you use. I prey that helps.
Have a Blessed Day
Dana

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@amberpep

I feel like I've just been slapped in the face. I know, in my "thinking" brain I haven't, but in my "emotional" brain it feels like I have. You all know I moved down here to the far western part of Virginia about 3-4 years ago, and have never particularly liked it. Well, I live in a low-income apartment which isn't particularly safe. There is a smaller building, owned by the same firm, right down the hill from me, which is just for seniors. It's somewhat cheaper and the places are smaller. My name has been on a list for about 1-1/2 years and so far, nothing. I'm tired of waiting, especially since I don't like it down here to begin with. Well, I've been toying with the idea of broaching the subject of an in-law suite to one of my daughters and her husband. I wrote to them, and very carefully brought it up and sent a website with all different types you could build attached to the big house, with double locked doors, so each would have their privacy. I absolutely love the woods …. the smells, sounds, the trees, the wet ground and all the critters in the mountains. Their place is only about 1/4 mile from a side entrance to the Blue Ridge Parkway. Oh I could have a beautiful garden, which I love, with flowers and veggies … heavenly. Well, they weren't nasty about it, but it didn't fly too well. My daughter gave me all sorts of reasons why …. "their house isn't structured for that, it would have to come out of the basement, and a variety of things." I understand, but at the same time I feel slapped in the face. I know it's totally their decision, but for some reason it just makes me sad …. I feel unwanted. I wouldn't be living with them as there would be 2 locked doors between us only to get together when we wanted to. So I guess I'm relegated at some point to go to the old ladies home ….. I know I'm certainly in that age bracket, but I don't feel like it ….. gossipy, snippy, always talking about someone. Even though it's only 4 hours from where I was in MD, it's whole different world here. There's still plenty of confederate flags flying. I like to know about the news locally and in the country and the world, am always seen with at least 2 books I'm reading under my arm, and just don't want to sit around and vegetate. I view moving there as the last step to the end. I just hate the thought of it. They have no kids and I thought with me not being in their way at all, unless invited, it would work. I knew another couple who did that and it went well.
The other option I thought of was one of those tiny houses, but around here, the company brings all the things to you and you have to build it or have someone else build it. And I don't know where I'd put it either ….. money is tight. I guess I'm just having a pity party, but I do not like it here and probably am about as adjusted as I'll ever be. Should have stayed in MD.
abby

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@amberpep
I'm very sorry for how life is for you right now, Abby. I know that things haven't worked out the way your family thought they would.

Have you started your new job yet? That income should loosen some of the stress you live with. Maybe it would allow you to stay in your current, larger apartment longer, away from the "old folks" and their annoying habits. But if not, you have a lot of good life experiences that will get you through whatever is around the next corner. You're articulate. You have gifts that give you pleasure. You have a roof, clothing, food, art supplies, an active mind. I think that those things and others like them are good foundations for life going forward.

I'm interested in hearing about your new job. Again, good deal that you landed it.

Jim

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@lolaemma

Have you talked to a lawyer who deals with ADA issues? You were let go for the same condition that you had informed the company when you were hired. That's a violation of the disability protection act. Don't let people discourage you. It's very hard to go through that situation without people who should support you. There are also others who have written and there are groups online. Just don't let self publishers make you feel down. There is an answer for every question. Stop relating your situation to those who have put you down. It's a self defeating position. Concentrate on searching online for whatever you need to get to help your situation.

Jump to this post

Amanda Burnett, Connect Moderator @amandaburnett, lolaemma @lolaemma

Yes, I talked to an attorney and they told me I can't do anything since I was hired by the temp agency. I'm also going through therapy for my anxiety and depression. I'm not giving up on getting my book published, it's only hard when I have publishers, family and friends repete almost the same thing.

I did however found a publisher who left me know that my book is good but my characters are not realistic…how much realistic must they be? They won't answer that question, so now I have to find someone to help me with this area of my book.

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@amberpep

I feel like I've just been slapped in the face. I know, in my "thinking" brain I haven't, but in my "emotional" brain it feels like I have. You all know I moved down here to the far western part of Virginia about 3-4 years ago, and have never particularly liked it. Well, I live in a low-income apartment which isn't particularly safe. There is a smaller building, owned by the same firm, right down the hill from me, which is just for seniors. It's somewhat cheaper and the places are smaller. My name has been on a list for about 1-1/2 years and so far, nothing. I'm tired of waiting, especially since I don't like it down here to begin with. Well, I've been toying with the idea of broaching the subject of an in-law suite to one of my daughters and her husband. I wrote to them, and very carefully brought it up and sent a website with all different types you could build attached to the big house, with double locked doors, so each would have their privacy. I absolutely love the woods …. the smells, sounds, the trees, the wet ground and all the critters in the mountains. Their place is only about 1/4 mile from a side entrance to the Blue Ridge Parkway. Oh I could have a beautiful garden, which I love, with flowers and veggies … heavenly. Well, they weren't nasty about it, but it didn't fly too well. My daughter gave me all sorts of reasons why …. "their house isn't structured for that, it would have to come out of the basement, and a variety of things." I understand, but at the same time I feel slapped in the face. I know it's totally their decision, but for some reason it just makes me sad …. I feel unwanted. I wouldn't be living with them as there would be 2 locked doors between us only to get together when we wanted to. So I guess I'm relegated at some point to go to the old ladies home ….. I know I'm certainly in that age bracket, but I don't feel like it ….. gossipy, snippy, always talking about someone. Even though it's only 4 hours from where I was in MD, it's whole different world here. There's still plenty of confederate flags flying. I like to know about the news locally and in the country and the world, am always seen with at least 2 books I'm reading under my arm, and just don't want to sit around and vegetate. I view moving there as the last step to the end. I just hate the thought of it. They have no kids and I thought with me not being in their way at all, unless invited, it would work. I knew another couple who did that and it went well.
The other option I thought of was one of those tiny houses, but around here, the company brings all the things to you and you have to build it or have someone else build it. And I don't know where I'd put it either ….. money is tight. I guess I'm just having a pity party, but I do not like it here and probably am about as adjusted as I'll ever be. Should have stayed in MD.
abby

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@amberpep It is so hard for you, isn’t it? You remember all the best times and good things and your friends from your old home. You moved because your daughters wanted you to
but, now they’re too busy or whatever. Have you thought of moving back to Maryland? Maybe after Covid. Just to think about……..

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