Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

Thanks for listening. I don’t ever complain to my children. I always act as if everything is ok. I do lots of things for and with them and I enjoy those times. I do volunteer and I’m very active in my church. I also babysit my grandson 5 x week and care for my mom who has dementia. We have the granddaughters over often. I think my medication needs adjusting and I see my psychiatrist in a few days. I can’t be more present than I am for my family. All I was asking for was a thank you and an occasional how are you. I’m always there for them and since I have chronic pain and now other serious issues like the possibility of colon or stomach cancer I just wanted a how are you? I’m going through tests now to see what is going on. I’ve beaten breast cancer and I’m praying that whatever is going on is something simple. I don’t think there’s anybody that doesn’t want a little care every now and then.

@parus you are so right something that is good for one isn't for another we are all different but Its The Try ,you try
that counts some people can't but when you look at bedridden people who can't but are happy ☺anyhow then we really don't have anything to complain about .Maybe its just how we are wired .

@parus- I get that too..and when you are very very down it's impossible. Unfortunately it's right- enough walking will make us healthier, all the way around. And enough walking will adjust your attitude. lol. It doesn't solve anything- it just helps. Sometimes when I've gotten so sick of myself I ask my husband to "take me for a walk" lol. Or sometimes he will say, you need to get out of the house, let's go for a walk. And sometimes I actually go and am glad that I do- but only after I pout, and tell him how I feel about his suggestion.

@lioness Wanted to clarify that I am not whining and I am thankful for the things I can still do as many of us are here. It is a challenge coming up with new ways to do things that once came so easily. I am not a quitter.

@parus- I get that too..and when you are very very down it's impossible. Unfortunately it's right- enough walking will make us healthier, all the way around. And enough walking will adjust your attitude. lol. It doesn't solve anything- it just helps. Sometimes when I've gotten so sick of myself I ask my husband to "take me for a walk" lol. Or sometimes he will say, you need to get out of the house, let's go for a walk. And sometimes I actually go and am glad that I do- but only after I pout, and tell him how I feel about his suggestion.

@parus Im sorry Parus if you took my comment that way I know you aren't whining I applude you for what you can do My point to everyone was there are bedridden people who find happiness somehow I dont know if I could but some do

I absolutely agree that we should try and create a full life that doesn’t revolve around our children – after all, didn’t someone say that the quickest way to get your child’s attention is to sit down, relax and look comfortable?
But that’s much easier said than done, especially with depression. "Depression" is simply a label which really tells us nothing about the who/what/when/why of depression. There’s no life hack or “10 easy steps” to deal with it; Being “strong” or trying new medication or a new psychiatrist doesn’t make it go away. Each person deals with depression in their own way, and I have to say this – I have deep admiration for all of you for being members on Connect, because it means you’re here to read, to share, to take care of yourself and to help others.

I’ve been blessed with 3 great kids, who are beautiful, decent, responsible (most of the time) people. But, as a mother, I’ve come to realize that it’s an art to raise kids! Having kids can be a joy, a challenge, a pain in the..., a miracle, and it takes tremendous strength to be a parent – and we realize this only when children grow up and no longer depend on us!

The irony is that they are only doing what we’ve taught them to do. We teach them to respect others’ space, to not intrude; we teach them to be assertive, to speak-up; as parents, we impose our need for “readiness” on them, or we try to make sure that they know what they want to do for the rest of their lives...at the age of 18! We tell them to “get a life” and yet we feel replaced, hurt, irrelevant when they are leading their own lives and are adults with their own ideas, or when they tell us they need “space” – instead of saying Thank You – at least I do:)

I’ve (reluctantly) realized that my daughter is no longer fascinated by a graphic description of some event – but perhaps my friends are:) And just because my son doesn’t “check-in” with a text or a phone call regularly, doesn’t mean he doesn’t like me – what’s going on in the college library (or he wants me to believe he’s in the ‘library’) is so much more urgent than what’s going on with his parents!
Now, when I complain about how supportive we’ve been, given them what they need, sacrificed for them, I’ve heard at least one of them mumble “Martyr Alert!!”

When people say, "To understand a parent's love you must raise children yourself,” they may be onto something; I catch myself hoping that someday my children will have lots of kids of their own...who behave exactly like their parents did:)

@kdo0827 you say that you’re always present doing for your family—have you ever considered cutting back and taking time for yourself? Go to museums, art galleries the mall, call a friend and go to lunch. That’s when I started volunteering for Meals on Wheels and that really woke me up! Many are so less fortunate.
Also, do you have a “lite book” ? My doctor had me get one about 15 yrs ago. It’s about 5” on a side and shines a very bright lite that works on things in your brain. And it works! I’ll send details later. Just finished my 30 min.