Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

Posted by kdo0827 @kdo0827, Dec 27, 2018

Hi everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I started taking Cymbalta and got off the other stuff. I was doing better but the past 2 months or so not so good. I’m struggling with feeling invisible and I’m feeling very unappreciated. I feel my kids only call when they want something or have a problem. They never ask how I’m feeling nor do they try and help. I had a procedure done yesterday and neither one bothered to check on me. Adding this to my depression isn’t good. Do any of you have these same feelings about your kids?What should I do?

@654321

Love it ! This has been a wonderful day . Fun and helpful . Thanks for getting it started Parus.

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@654321 Yes, it has been a wonderful day! Started out with the duldrums and feeling better now thanks to all of the cyber friends. Yeah team!!

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@kdo0827

I’m so sorry you’ve had such a hard journey. My husband and my oldest daughter are Bi polar. I know it’s a struggle for them but it’s also hard on their family. My husband is doing well with only occasional lows. My daughter is ok but suffers really bad with anxiety. I finally have her going to my psychiatrist and I know he’s going to help her. As for Cymbalta YES YES YES!!! I never want to go anywhere!! I have to force myself to get out. Have you asked your dr about this?

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Thanks so much for saying this!!!! This site is such a Blessing. I am sorry if I came out like a whiny little brat before but there is so much more I am a wonderful person inside – I was always on the GO Go Go ! I never stop helping my children and others. I love life. On my facebook it says Look for the good in everything and everyone ! I am not kidding. I worry about my first born because I am so afraid she is gonna die young. She is almost 40. She is a genius that just gave up. She is into drugs and the kids love her to death anyway. But they raised themselves. She has never forgiven me for something. I am so ashamed, of, but she has made me pay dearly. I guess I wish I could just hold her so tight. Get up and start caring about others and yourself. My counselor told me to let the kids go. My ex molested by son in diapers. He got away with it because he was a narc. He convinced the kids I was crazy. Nobody wants to even talk about this. I do not say anything to my kids about the past. My son is a mess. I will not go into details but my ex was bi too I lived a Christian life for 30 years. He is psychopathic and narcissistic. I was so naive in life. It is a long story that people would find hard to believe I have always been patient and helped so many children; special needs etc. I am beginning to think that the Cymbalta has changed my life. I never stayed home. All I ever wanted was to have family over with the grandkids on the weekends etc. I lived my whole life for my children. If I dont accept the past and let it go in my head I will never be able to move on in life. Again I am sorry for coming across so whiny. I have PTSD/ ADHD . You can see it in my thoughts wondering around in the posts Happy New Years If anyone was on Cymbalta with side effects of not leaving the house or driving let me know. Ps, I have been walking around my yard with Duke (DOG)thinking about life. Happy New Years!

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@catcatanzaro60

Thanks so much for saying this!!!! This site is such a Blessing. I am sorry if I came out like a whiny little brat before but there is so much more I am a wonderful person inside – I was always on the GO Go Go ! I never stop helping my children and others. I love life. On my facebook it says Look for the good in everything and everyone ! I am not kidding. I worry about my first born because I am so afraid she is gonna die young. She is almost 40. She is a genius that just gave up. She is into drugs and the kids love her to death anyway. But they raised themselves. She has never forgiven me for something. I am so ashamed, of, but she has made me pay dearly. I guess I wish I could just hold her so tight. Get up and start caring about others and yourself. My counselor told me to let the kids go. My ex molested by son in diapers. He got away with it because he was a narc. He convinced the kids I was crazy. Nobody wants to even talk about this. I do not say anything to my kids about the past. My son is a mess. I will not go into details but my ex was bi too I lived a Christian life for 30 years. He is psychopathic and narcissistic. I was so naive in life. It is a long story that people would find hard to believe I have always been patient and helped so many children; special needs etc. I am beginning to think that the Cymbalta has changed my life. I never stayed home. All I ever wanted was to have family over with the grandkids on the weekends etc. I lived my whole life for my children. If I dont accept the past and let it go in my head I will never be able to move on in life. Again I am sorry for coming across so whiny. I have PTSD/ ADHD . You can see it in my thoughts wondering around in the posts Happy New Years If anyone was on Cymbalta with side effects of not leaving the house or driving let me know. Ps, I have been walking around my yard with Duke (DOG)thinking about life. Happy New Years!

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@catcatanzaro60 I see no need for the apology as nearly all of us have been there. I have done my share and found other members to be supportive. There are times I don’t make sense either. PTSD can do this. It is not a comfortable place to be. I know I sound crazy and making the racket in my head calm down is not easy. I know when I am like this I just want it to stop!!! It is hard to explain to someone else. I do get it. Not fun 🙁

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@afrobin– I think that you are talking about extremes. I believe that some of us are simply saying that a bit of appreciation and concern is an appropriate response be an adult child. I also think that not saying thank you for gifts is inappropriate behavior for an adult child. I am not talking about adult children with severe mental health problems.
When I fly to visit my son, who lives on the opposite coast from me he picks me up. He lives about 3/4 hr away and unless my husband and I rent a car I expect him to do this. I do not feel that he is burdened by this, nor does he.
I think that when our kids have kids their thoughts should be with their kids and what's best for them. If a child has trouble sleeping then interrupting a nap might not be the best idea. Some kids adapt very well to being woken up and taken anywhere, some don't. When I was a young mother I really hated to wake my son up, for anything. I missed doing things and felt selfish sometimes but that's what I did.
Perhaps we need to make alternate plans if our children can't make it to pick us up, take us to an appointment, or whatever. If I lived alone and my son lived near me then I would not hesitate to ask him to help me out. I do feel like a pain when I have to rely on anyone, but that's what mine does. I think that there is a difference between being a burden and being a part of a family.

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@thankful

@mickj, @kdo0827– Interesting conversation. My 2 older daughters (29 & 38) all in are great kids and I know they love us very much, but for every birthday, fathers day & even Christmas, they much prefer me to send them a link from Amazon on what I would like. Several years back I told them both that I had everything I needed and asked them to call me regularly (at least once a month) and have a conversation and tell me they love me. Seems rather simple to me? Well that has not happened and I think they believe I'm kidding, but I've let them know that I'm not. Somehow that seems to difficult for them? Now that I have an I-Phone rather than my old trusty flip phone, they occasionaly text me. It helps if I get it started though. On a recent trip to my youngest daughters out of state, we had given her our flights, etc. and when we touched base as time drew close she told us that we would have to grab an Uber from the airport to the house. Evidently it was an inconvenient time due to our granddaughters nap time.
Call me old fashioned, but I never would have asked my folks to take a cab whenever they visited me. I agree with an earlier post that once they get a bit older they will appreciate perhaps us more and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

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@thankful Old fashioned works for me. I have found I usually start the text and have learned to be brief. Emojis are nice too. I am adapting in some ways. I now have an iPhone and still learning. Spell check can be hysterical as well as embarrassing. I now spend more time here at connect. I have to monitor myself. WOW! I have the whole world in my hand!!

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@merpreb

@afrobin– I think that you are talking about extremes. I believe that some of us are simply saying that a bit of appreciation and concern is an appropriate response be an adult child. I also think that not saying thank you for gifts is inappropriate behavior for an adult child. I am not talking about adult children with severe mental health problems.
When I fly to visit my son, who lives on the opposite coast from me he picks me up. He lives about 3/4 hr away and unless my husband and I rent a car I expect him to do this. I do not feel that he is burdened by this, nor does he.
I think that when our kids have kids their thoughts should be with their kids and what's best for them. If a child has trouble sleeping then interrupting a nap might not be the best idea. Some kids adapt very well to being woken up and taken anywhere, some don't. When I was a young mother I really hated to wake my son up, for anything. I missed doing things and felt selfish sometimes but that's what I did.
Perhaps we need to make alternate plans if our children can't make it to pick us up, take us to an appointment, or whatever. If I lived alone and my son lived near me then I would not hesitate to ask him to help me out. I do feel like a pain when I have to rely on anyone, but that's what mine does. I think that there is a difference between being a burden and being a part of a family.

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@merpreb This has been an interesting discussion. First, I have no kids. Never wanted them. I have been married since last April to a man with 2 grown kids, now 39 and 34. I haven't had the experience of raising kids nor dealing with the issues you all I have spoken of. I do see my step children, 2 complete opposite personalities. One is loving and in contact regularly, even though he lives 800 miles away and is a long haul trucker. He will often route through here to stop for dinner or take his 30 hours down when possible. The other lives 30 miles away and we go months with no contact, no call/text/email.
Ginger

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It has indeed ginger-The world of raising children is indeed the most difficult- somewhere between heaven and hell. Massive tome have been written about it and still, nothing changes. We just hope that they grow up to be nice, decent human beings who are healthy and happy. A lot don't make it.

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@merpreb

It has indeed ginger-The world of raising children is indeed the most difficult- somewhere between heaven and hell. Massive tome have been written about it and still, nothing changes. We just hope that they grow up to be nice, decent human beings who are healthy and happy. A lot don't make it.

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@merpreb It is called Purgatory. Mine did make it-I think. Now enjoying grandkids.

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@catcatanzaro60

Thanks so much for saying this!!!! This site is such a Blessing. I am sorry if I came out like a whiny little brat before but there is so much more I am a wonderful person inside – I was always on the GO Go Go ! I never stop helping my children and others. I love life. On my facebook it says Look for the good in everything and everyone ! I am not kidding. I worry about my first born because I am so afraid she is gonna die young. She is almost 40. She is a genius that just gave up. She is into drugs and the kids love her to death anyway. But they raised themselves. She has never forgiven me for something. I am so ashamed, of, but she has made me pay dearly. I guess I wish I could just hold her so tight. Get up and start caring about others and yourself. My counselor told me to let the kids go. My ex molested by son in diapers. He got away with it because he was a narc. He convinced the kids I was crazy. Nobody wants to even talk about this. I do not say anything to my kids about the past. My son is a mess. I will not go into details but my ex was bi too I lived a Christian life for 30 years. He is psychopathic and narcissistic. I was so naive in life. It is a long story that people would find hard to believe I have always been patient and helped so many children; special needs etc. I am beginning to think that the Cymbalta has changed my life. I never stayed home. All I ever wanted was to have family over with the grandkids on the weekends etc. I lived my whole life for my children. If I dont accept the past and let it go in my head I will never be able to move on in life. Again I am sorry for coming across so whiny. I have PTSD/ ADHD . You can see it in my thoughts wondering around in the posts Happy New Years If anyone was on Cymbalta with side effects of not leaving the house or driving let me know. Ps, I have been walking around my yard with Duke (DOG)thinking about life. Happy New Years!

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I take Cymbalta too and never want to leave the house!! Why do you think this is?

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@kdo0827

I take Cymbalta too and never want to leave the house!! Why do you think this is?

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@kdo827- Do you take other meds for depression or anxiety? How long have you been taking Cymbalta?

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@merpreb

@afrobin– I think that you are talking about extremes. I believe that some of us are simply saying that a bit of appreciation and concern is an appropriate response be an adult child. I also think that not saying thank you for gifts is inappropriate behavior for an adult child. I am not talking about adult children with severe mental health problems.
When I fly to visit my son, who lives on the opposite coast from me he picks me up. He lives about 3/4 hr away and unless my husband and I rent a car I expect him to do this. I do not feel that he is burdened by this, nor does he.
I think that when our kids have kids their thoughts should be with their kids and what's best for them. If a child has trouble sleeping then interrupting a nap might not be the best idea. Some kids adapt very well to being woken up and taken anywhere, some don't. When I was a young mother I really hated to wake my son up, for anything. I missed doing things and felt selfish sometimes but that's what I did.
Perhaps we need to make alternate plans if our children can't make it to pick us up, take us to an appointment, or whatever. If I lived alone and my son lived near me then I would not hesitate to ask him to help me out. I do feel like a pain when I have to rely on anyone, but that's what mine does. I think that there is a difference between being a burden and being a part of a family.

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Thanks for your post. I also don’t think it’s asking too much for a thank you and a how are you doing. I’ve never turned down requests for help from our kids and they’ve “borrowed” many thousands of dollars with no payback as promised. But this New Year my husband are going to start doing for us. While our kids were out going to dinner, taking trips we sat at home because we’ve exhausted our savings helping them. They are 32 and 34 and we’re done with bailing them out. We love them more than anything but it’s time. Of course if it’s a dire situation we will try to help.

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@kdo0827 – excellent. Happy new year

Liked by lioness

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@parus

@654321 Yes, it has been a wonderful day! Started out with the duldrums and feeling better now thanks to all of the cyber friends. Yeah team!!

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Today started out bad but read your letter and am going to PUSH FORWARD. Didn't help weather was so dreary.

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@parus

@kdo0827 I can understand in many ways how it can feel frustrating when you are trying. I don’t believe anyone is invalidating your efforts. I hear you on needing some help. Being presented with a long list of suggestions can be overwhelming. I have times I just cannot get motivated. I ponder things I enjoy, things I need to do-still nothing inspires me to do anything. I am not lazy and get upset with myself when I lack the energy to find even one teeny-tiny reason to move. This is where I want to scream because nothing seems to work. We are here to share the good, the bad and the ugly and lend a hand where we can. You are here telling us about how it is and that is a start. At times nothing seems to help and it is NOT because we are wallowing in self pity. I hope I made some sense.

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Liked your note.

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@thankful

@afrobin– I agree with much of your suggestions, but your word burden sticks in my craw. I get that we can all become a burden using your word at times to our children or even spouse, but if you continue to let that word take on more power in our lives, there will be always be a reason to be more selfish rather than selfless. It has already become this way in so many instances in todays live choices. Recently I had a conversation with a dear older friend who now lives in the local retirement community and he told me how many of the residents don't even have family that visits them. I'm a fan of still having our loved ones come to live with us as long as we can take care of them, and I realize that is often not possible for everyone, but lets all reconsider the word burden especially when we think of our loved ones.

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My parents had my grandfather stay with them for three months and then had him go to his daughter's about an hour away. I wish more younger ones thought about having parents stay with them if they were alone. Just too old in my thinking.

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