Down in the dumps again – challenges with adult children

Posted by kdo0827 @kdo0827, Dec 27, 2018

Hi everyone! It’s been awhile since I’ve posted. I started taking Cymbalta and got off the other stuff. I was doing better but the past 2 months or so not so good. I’m struggling with feeling invisible and I’m feeling very unappreciated. I feel my kids only call when they want something or have a problem. They never ask how I’m feeling nor do they try and help. I had a procedure done yesterday and neither one bothered to check on me. Adding this to my depression isn’t good. Do any of you have these same feelings about your kids?What should I do?

@thankful

@sandicel– Thank you dor you kind words! I'm so glad you have your faithful friend! Nothing like a pet who is often so loyal and shows their affection to us for the simplest things we do or say. I would not be so hard on yourself. I agree with what you say about getting out in the morning or at least sometime during the day. We make the choice each day to pull out a new canvas and lay down the beginnnings of the first brush strokes of our new day. Start with what I can be thankful for which can simply be a new sunrise? Today I choose…. May God replace your pain with Joy in this New Year! Jim @thankful

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Beautiful.

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@becsbuddy

@parus I love your attitude! So upbeat! Need to work on mine!

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Me too!

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Waiting for delivery of my light at any time. Use to have horrible big clumsy one – gave it away but looked at some on line and the reviews. We don't get sun in MI.

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@kanaazpereira

I absolutely agree that we should try and create a full life that doesn’t revolve around our children – after all, didn’t someone say that the quickest way to get your child’s attention is to sit down, relax and look comfortable?
But that’s much easier said than done, especially with depression. "Depression" is simply a label which really tells us nothing about the who/what/when/why of depression. There’s no life hack or “10 easy steps” to deal with it; Being “strong” or trying new medication or a new psychiatrist doesn’t make it go away. Each person deals with depression in their own way, and I have to say this – I have deep admiration for all of you for being members on Connect, because it means you’re here to read, to share, to take care of yourself and to help others.

I’ve been blessed with 3 great kids, who are beautiful, decent, responsible (most of the time) people. But, as a mother, I’ve come to realize that it’s an art to raise kids! Having kids can be a joy, a challenge, a pain in the…, a miracle, and it takes tremendous strength to be a parent – and we realize this only when children grow up and no longer depend on us!

The irony is that they are only doing what we’ve taught them to do. We teach them to respect others’ space, to not intrude; we teach them to be assertive, to speak-up; as parents, we impose our need for “readiness” on them, or we try to make sure that they know what they want to do for the rest of their lives…at the age of 18! We tell them to “get a life” and yet we feel replaced, hurt, irrelevant when they are leading their own lives and are adults with their own ideas, or when they tell us they need “space” – instead of saying Thank You – at least I do:)

I’ve (reluctantly) realized that my daughter is no longer fascinated by a graphic description of some event – but perhaps my friends are:) And just because my son doesn’t “check-in” with a text or a phone call regularly, doesn’t mean he doesn’t like me – what’s going on in the college library (or he wants me to believe he’s in the ‘library’) is so much more urgent than what’s going on with his parents!
Now, when I complain about how supportive we’ve been, given them what they need, sacrificed for them, I’ve heard at least one of them mumble “Martyr Alert!!”

When people say, "To understand a parent's love you must raise children yourself,” they may be onto something; I catch myself hoping that someday my children will have lots of kids of their own…who behave exactly like their parents did:)

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Very Nice.

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@hopeful33250

I appreciate your honesty, @merpreb. We all have our pouting days😊 Attitude adjustment is something that we all work out in our own way!

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I needed to hear what you said. Very good way to look at life.

Liked by Lisa Lucier

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@parus

Even though I cannot get out and do the things I hear others share about I do my best to be a little sunshine when I get the opportunity. I do struggle with physical and mental issues. We are all different with varying capabilities which could be considered wallowing in our shortcomings. I endeavor not to do so and be content with what I can do.

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I liked this.

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@mickj

@afrobin Great post. I share your attitude 100%. As Andy Dufresne said in the Shawshank Redemption, we can "get busy living or get busy dying." It's certainly easier to "get busy living" when we're healthy, but even unhealthy people have the choice. If we intentionally look for the good in people/things and go out of our way to improve ourselves, we have a much better opportunity to be happy. To me, the key is to be intentional about it, to work at it. As the old saying goes, it's, "making lemonade out of lemons." Not always easy to do, but circling back to this attitude when life throws us lemons, I find that I'm a happier person, and as a result, I'm much more pleasant to be around.

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Does anyone with MAC go through depression. I also have sleep apnea.

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@merpreb

@kdo827- Do you take other meds for depression or anxiety? How long have you been taking Cymbalta?

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I take Methadone and Trazadone I’ve been on Cymbalta about 6 months or so. I’m interested in hormone replacement too.

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@kdo0827

I take Methadone and Trazadone I’ve been on Cymbalta about 6 months or so. I’m interested in hormone replacement too.

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Kdo- I'm sorry that you are having a tough time right now. I think that we all have times felt like this. I suggest that instead of looking to your family for this, look somewhere else. Volunteer somewhere…
Oh god, we really have to stop tripping over ourselves and take control so we feel better, are better. We can do it!

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@macjane

Does anyone with MAC go through depression. I also have sleep apnea.

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@mac. One of the first responses to learning that you have a serious illness, after you get by the shock and disbelief, is depression.
But you can have panic attacks without being depressed.
Are you depressed? Are you taking meds for panic attacks?

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Medicines change. What meds for panic attacks. I also have to be seen for Achalasia that I needed surgery for many years ago.

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@merpreb

Kdo- I'm sorry that you are having a tough time right now. I think that we all have times felt like this. I suggest that instead of looking to your family for this, look somewhere else. Volunteer somewhere…
Oh god, we really have to stop tripping over ourselves and take control so we feel better, are better. We can do it!

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Sometimes the other lung problems I face have kept me inside and of course, the lack of sun for six months in MI doesn't help. We had more sun in Anchorage, Alaska.

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@macjane – I'm sorry that you are having these problems. So you aren't taking meds for panic attacks? Are you depressed?
I can't imagine being without sunshine that long.

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@kdo0827

I take Cymbalta too and never want to leave the house!! Why do you think this is?

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Hi Everybody! I started Cymbalta last December 2017 (I stopped Prozac of 20 years 40 mg)Went back on Prozac/20mg November 2018 doing better in mind but my friends are freaking out. I don't drive or go out much anymore. I applied for Disability finally in November. I did not get a lawyer. I take Prozac Trazadone for Depression Cymbalta- Celebrex for the pain I went back on Estradiol 1mg. Anyone on Disability?? How long does it take? Why do some people get it quick and others forever? So much paperwork.

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@parus

@sandicel So true about we can have fun without spending money. Doing something for ourselves is not selfish. Striving to stay out of the dumps is hard work.

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Loved this – how true.

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