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Long-term depression
New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there's nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It's "We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don't bother me - but we love you!" I'm old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can't ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?
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I feel very heartened by all of your replies. It is a little scary to know that so many of you heard me. Thank you very much.
The concept that @georgette12 mentioned seems very true here too.
Possibly much of the lack of "physical" people in my life is fear of putting myself out there enough. The "energy thing" IS a serious problem. Yet, also, there is truth to the shortcomings of my memory and getting easily overwhelmed in a conversation where strong feelings come up and block out the ability to "hear" and comprehend any further.
Physical people who are my life seem put off by my inability to act completely "normal" or always respond as expected, so avoidance or visits of short duration are necessary...furthering the isolation.
If I share these concepts with them, or ask them to once in awhile ask how I am, I receive one to two calls and they drift away.
I am gathering a bit of hope writing here that others "get" the trappings and specific convoluted difficultis of having "physical" friends and family.
As an aside, I have a gem of a husband. He works long hours so I try to find my own way...like trying this writing with many of you.
I hope to read others' offerings now, and respond. It is a new feeling knowing that someone else might be somewhat in my shoes.
My care goes out to anyone needing solace this evening. You are not alone.
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5 Reactions@4loss What a lovely posting, I am so pleased that Mayo Connect is meeting a need for you. You express your feelings so well. Please keep posting to Mayo Connect as you feel comfortable. We are here to be a "listening ear" and to offer our encouragement as we can. Have you looked into a NAMI group in your area? I wish for you a good day! Teresa
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1 ReactionThank you.
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1 ReactionIt is strange that people in the real world don't really care. I think they are too wrapped up in their own busyness - or their cell phones. Thank you.
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1 ReactionYes, it is a journey and there are are bumps in the road that one has to deal with to keep mov'n on. I am a WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) facilitator and I just finished a class where I had a handout with a drawing of a path that showed a rainbow that represented the "journey" and then at the end was a sun with a couple of "pots" and I asked the participants to write down what they hoped would be in their pots (as we have to have hope that good things will happen to us in the future). This is often where I get stuck because of my physical ailments; if I can't get the pain under control and more mobility, the things I hope for , I won't be able to do.
But to address your comment about good people, let me ask you where you find those good people. This is another issue I have. I do not work any more and I am home alone a lot of the time, except for the volunteer work I do and I have maybe one or two good friends. They do not live near me and I only see them once a month. My husband and I live in two different worlds and I'm incredibly lonely. It seems everyone alrealy has a circle of friends and isn't looking for one more. What guidance can you give me? Thanks!
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3 ReactionsOh yes, I'm very familiar with NAMI, in fact I'm a member of my local chapter. Unfortunately, it's geared mostly towards family members and the peer programs are mostly educational in nature (which I don't need) and the support group, Connections, is not running. I have offered to be training and be a co-facilitator, but no one has paid any attention to my offer.
There is a peer-run organization in town called On Our Own that I would love to participate with, however, when it was first forming, I was asked to do some consulting ( I was a former director of two peer-run organizations) and then they brought on an interim director who has a completely different philosophy regarding what peer support is, what peer-run means and how a non-profit is run. He pushed me right out of there (I couldn't take the chaos, frankly) and I haven't gone back. I'm a "highly sensitive people" and cannot survive in an atmosphere where there is no structure, where people are coming and going and where I don't feel safe.
Thank you for letting me share.
Sharon
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2 Reactions@sharlynn62 Hi Sharon: Thanks for continuing to share with us. I can tell you have tried to connect with support groups, but it is not always possible and I understand your reasons. It is important to feel safe and comfortable in this kind of environment. Teresa
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1 Reactioni know what you mean about a great life i to had one now for years i have been depressed i cant take any meds for depression i have afib take medication for that.I have been unhappy for a long time i dont work anymore dont see my friends spend alot of time alone my husband works alot not realy happy in my relationship i discoverd things about him i dont like but i fill stuck because i cant work and take care of myself.anyways not sure what i should do just want to be happy again just dont know how.
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3 ReactionsI am new to anything like this. I guess it's because I used to have friends and family to talk to but now I don't. Like many of you, health issues are what began the downward spiral. I was always the active, upbeat, driven , generous person who helped everybody. When I became sick, everyone disappeared. This horrible depression took over my personality. Then I became angry and bitter that nobody helped me when I finally needed it. I tried everything: church, therapy, writing in a journal. Nothing helped in the long run. I know in my heart that I am no longer fun to be around but the fact that I was ignored by all those I had helped my entire life just wrecked my outlook. I am still searching for answers because I'm not ready to give up completely. The biggest disappointment was my husband of over 20 years. We had a storybook love but he was GONE emotionally when I needed him. After 3 years of that, I asked him to leave. It's not good but it's definitely better without him around. This was a radical step but I felt I had to do it. Now what?
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2 ReactionsHello @gracemary,
I'd like to welcome you to Connect, and before anything else, let you know that you are not alone as you will see from the community here.
I'm tagging @tabi @amberpep @pamelacelia @georgette12 @dott @piglit @bettyann @athome @roxie43 @callalily74 @guener @lesbatts @iamkaren @quazar, who I'm certain will join in to share their stories and experiences with you.
I would also encourage you to look at some other discussions in Mental Health:
Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms
http://mayocl.in/2dcJB7pDepression — Let’s snap out of expecting to snap out of it
http://mayocl.in/2i59kQfIs counseling helpful?
http://mayocl.in/2g37guyNo matter how you experience it, depression is different for each person. Absolutely nobody wants to feel abandoned or lonely.
@gracemary, while we wait together for others to join in, what about starting with something really simple like coming to post on Connect once a day. You can say whatever you want. You can vent or tell us what the weather is doing outside your window. What do you think?
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2 Reactions