Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

I feel very heartened by all of your replies. It is a little scary to know that so many of you heard me. Thank you very much.
The concept that @georgette12 mentioned seems very true here too.
Possibly much of the lack of “physical” people in my life is fear of putting myself out there enough. The “energy thing” IS a serious problem. Yet, also, there is truth to the shortcomings of my memory and getting easily overwhelmed in a conversation where strong feelings come up and block out the ability to “hear” and comprehend any further.
Physical people who are my life seem put off by my inability to act completely “normal” or always respond as expected, so avoidance or visits of short duration are necessary…furthering the isolation.
If I share these concepts with them, or ask them to once in awhile ask how I am, I receive one to two calls and they drift away.
I am gathering a bit of hope writing here that others “get” the trappings and specific convoluted difficultis of having “physical” friends and family.

As an aside, I have a gem of a husband. He works long hours so I try to find my own way…like trying this writing with many of you.
I hope to read others’ offerings now, and respond. It is a new feeling knowing that someone else might be somewhat in my shoes.
My care goes out to anyone needing solace this evening. You are not alone.

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@4loss What a lovely posting, I am so pleased that Mayo Connect is meeting a need for you. You express your feelings so well. Please keep posting to Mayo Connect as you feel comfortable. We are here to be a “listening ear” and to offer our encouragement as we can. Have you looked into a NAMI group in your area? I wish for you a good day! Teresa

Liked by Ballred

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@4loss

I am just now new to this site. I am reading some posts regarding ideas for connecting, finding purpose, and essentially “getting out of” yourself. I have been there…and sometimes can sustain the optimism to make strides in that direction. It works like this: I walk 30 min a day for a few weeks. Then, either a person exhausts me, a situation happens, or I am triggered to sadness and I lose all.
It’s not that I will not try again when I build up again- usually in a few weeks.
The debilitating exhaustion and complete deep depression with anxiety feel that any options for feeling better are for later. This pattern repeats itself over and over.
Those that speak of finding a reason to push through the days I can relate to very much. The best I try for day-to-day is really giving love to my dog and watching the ducks and geese out the window. Nature can calm me, help me see how animals just keep awakening daily and get through until night begins again. They even make me smile through everything.
I wish for others a way to smile in these dark times.

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Thank you.

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@georgette12

Welcome to our forum 4loss….i am checking in just before a meeting ..so this is just a quick “glad you are here” message. I relate to everything you are saying. I have a mushy faced wrinkled full bred english bulldog who makes me smile every time i look at him! I am definitely on the day to day thing…as most of us suffering depression are. So you are among friends who really care…REALLY care. I have found that we special people have to think out of the box to find people to bond with…and the really strange and unique thing about this issue is that…the people i personally have found…are on forums such as this. Isn’t that peculiar? Being a people person….as in real live breathing human entities i can reach out and touch….it has been rather enlightening to find that i find more acceptance and concern and caring from virtual people in a virtual reality! I kind of joke about this online forum world…as an alternative universe…i’m only partially kidding….it just seems somehow wrong that…speaking for myself …..the people who inhabit my “real” world…are just not there for me. Yet the gentle souls i find on this forum, for instance…these are the folks who are “here”…..or is it “there”for me? Which makes me feel way more comfortable living amongst my living and caring people in my personal alternative universe!!

I am just having a bit of fun with these ideas and silly thoughts….it is kind of my quirky way of looking at my world and the unique characters who inhabit it physically and virtually. For me personally, i find that a bit of dark humor gets me through the day. (It also makes me seem strange and eccentric to others…which only makes me laugh more!)

Again, so glad to see you here…well…is that “see” you..or “read” you? Blessings to you 4loss. Stay with us and find a bit of fun, advice, opinions, and comfort and concern.

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It is strange that people in the real world don’t really care. I think they are too wrapped up in their own busyness – or their cell phones. Thank you.

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@hopeful33250

@sharlynn62 Hi Sharon: I like your phrase, “On the recovery journey.” It is a journey isn’t it? Sometimes the journey seems like a long one, therefore it’s important to have good people to share the journey with. Best wishes to you! Teresa

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Yes, it is a journey and there are are bumps in the road that one has to deal with to keep mov’n on. I am a WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) facilitator and I just finished a class where I had a handout with a drawing of a path that showed a rainbow that represented the “journey” and then at the end was a sun with a couple of “pots” and I asked the participants to write down what they hoped would be in their pots (as we have to have hope that good things will happen to us in the future). This is often where I get stuck because of my physical ailments; if I can’t get the pain under control and more mobility, the things I hope for , I won’t be able to do.

But to address your comment about good people, let me ask you where you find those good people. This is another issue I have. I do not work any more and I am home alone a lot of the time, except for the volunteer work I do and I have maybe one or two good friends. They do not live near me and I only see them once a month. My husband and I live in two different worlds and I’m incredibly lonely. It seems everyone alrealy has a circle of friends and isn’t looking for one more. What guidance can you give me? Thanks!

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@sharlynn62

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children…I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey….Sharon

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Oh yes, I’m very familiar with NAMI, in fact I’m a member of my local chapter. Unfortunately, it’s geared mostly towards family members and the peer programs are mostly educational in nature (which I don’t need) and the support group, Connections, is not running. I have offered to be training and be a co-facilitator, but no one has paid any attention to my offer.

There is a peer-run organization in town called On Our Own that I would love to participate with, however, when it was first forming, I was asked to do some consulting ( I was a former director of two peer-run organizations) and then they brought on an interim director who has a completely different philosophy regarding what peer support is, what peer-run means and how a non-profit is run. He pushed me right out of there (I couldn’t take the chaos, frankly) and I haven’t gone back. I’m a “highly sensitive people” and cannot survive in an atmosphere where there is no structure, where people are coming and going and where I don’t feel safe.

Thank you for letting me share.
Sharon

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@sharlynn62

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children…I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey….Sharon

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@sharlynn62 Hi Sharon: Thanks for continuing to share with us. I can tell you have tried to connect with support groups, but it is not always possible and I understand your reasons. It is important to feel safe and comfortable in this kind of environment. Teresa

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@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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i know what you mean about a great life i to had one now for years i have been depressed i cant take any meds for depression i have afib take medication for that.I have been unhappy for a long time i dont work anymore dont see my friends spend alot of time alone my husband works alot not realy happy in my relationship i discoverd things about him i dont like but i fill stuck because i cant work and take care of myself.anyways not sure what i should do just want to be happy again just dont know how.

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I am new to anything like this. I guess it’s because I used to have friends and family to talk to but now I don’t. Like many of you, health issues are what began the downward spiral. I was always the active, upbeat, driven , generous person who helped everybody. When I became sick, everyone disappeared. This horrible depression took over my personality. Then I became angry and bitter that nobody helped me when I finally needed it. I tried everything: church, therapy, writing in a journal. Nothing helped in the long run. I know in my heart that I am no longer fun to be around but the fact that I was ignored by all those I had helped my entire life just wrecked my outlook. I am still searching for answers because I’m not ready to give up completely. The biggest disappointment was my husband of over 20 years. We had a storybook love but he was GONE emotionally when I needed him. After 3 years of that, I asked him to leave. It’s not good but it’s definitely better without him around. This was a radical step but I felt I had to do it. Now what?

Liked by paracat

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Hello @gracemary,

I’d like to welcome you to Connect, and before anything else, let you know that you are not alone as you will see from the community here.
I’m tagging @tabi @amberpep @pamelacelia @georgette12 @dott @piglit @bettyann @athome @roxie43 @callalily74 @guener @lesbatts @iamkaren @quazar, who I’m certain will join in to share their stories and experiences with you.

I would also encourage you to look at some other discussions in Mental Health:

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms

http://mayocl.in/2dcJB7p

Depression — Let’s snap out of expecting to snap out of it

http://mayocl.in/2i59kQf

Is counseling helpful?

http://mayocl.in/2g37guy

No matter how you experience it, depression is different for each person. Absolutely nobody wants to feel abandoned or lonely.
@gracemary, while we wait together for others to join in, what about starting with something really simple like coming to post on Connect once a day. You can say whatever you want. You can vent or tell us what the weather is doing outside your window. What do you think?

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@kanaazpereira

Hello @gracemary,

I’d like to welcome you to Connect, and before anything else, let you know that you are not alone as you will see from the community here.
I’m tagging @tabi @amberpep @pamelacelia @georgette12 @dott @piglit @bettyann @athome @roxie43 @callalily74 @guener @lesbatts @iamkaren @quazar, who I’m certain will join in to share their stories and experiences with you.

I would also encourage you to look at some other discussions in Mental Health:

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms

http://mayocl.in/2dcJB7p

Depression — Let’s snap out of expecting to snap out of it

http://mayocl.in/2i59kQf

Is counseling helpful?

http://mayocl.in/2g37guy

No matter how you experience it, depression is different for each person. Absolutely nobody wants to feel abandoned or lonely.
@gracemary, while we wait together for others to join in, what about starting with something really simple like coming to post on Connect once a day. You can say whatever you want. You can vent or tell us what the weather is doing outside your window. What do you think?

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thank you so much. I feel a little overwhelmed right now

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@gracemary, all you need to know is that if you feel you’ve been abandoned, you’re not alone — even though you might feel that way, right now.

Ever so often, just talking/venting/and seeking comfort from others, may help to uncover some false beliefs we have about ourselves…and here’s the place to do it.
You will find many people here, on Connect who have gone through similar trials in life, and who can really understand; that’s why this group is so wonderful.
The Connect community is here for you to lean on anytime, and to help you discover that together, things will start looking better.

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@gracemary

I am new to anything like this. I guess it’s because I used to have friends and family to talk to but now I don’t. Like many of you, health issues are what began the downward spiral. I was always the active, upbeat, driven , generous person who helped everybody. When I became sick, everyone disappeared. This horrible depression took over my personality. Then I became angry and bitter that nobody helped me when I finally needed it. I tried everything: church, therapy, writing in a journal. Nothing helped in the long run. I know in my heart that I am no longer fun to be around but the fact that I was ignored by all those I had helped my entire life just wrecked my outlook. I am still searching for answers because I’m not ready to give up completely. The biggest disappointment was my husband of over 20 years. We had a storybook love but he was GONE emotionally when I needed him. After 3 years of that, I asked him to leave. It’s not good but it’s definitely better without him around. This was a radical step but I felt I had to do it. Now what?

Jump to this post

Hello @gracemary, let me add my welcome to you as well. it sounds like you have been dealing with many difficult issues, both physically and in your relationships. There are many here at Mayo Connect who have been in the place where you are now and while we know the challenges you are facing, we also know that there is strength to overcome. Keep posting here on Mayo Connect and we will be “all ears” as you share your story with us. Best wishes. Teresa

REPLY
@kanaazpereira

Hello @gracemary,

I’d like to welcome you to Connect, and before anything else, let you know that you are not alone as you will see from the community here.
I’m tagging @tabi @amberpep @pamelacelia @georgette12 @dott @piglit @bettyann @athome @roxie43 @callalily74 @guener @lesbatts @iamkaren @quazar, who I’m certain will join in to share their stories and experiences with you.

I would also encourage you to look at some other discussions in Mental Health:

Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms

http://mayocl.in/2dcJB7p

Depression — Let’s snap out of expecting to snap out of it

http://mayocl.in/2i59kQf

Is counseling helpful?

http://mayocl.in/2g37guy

No matter how you experience it, depression is different for each person. Absolutely nobody wants to feel abandoned or lonely.
@gracemary, while we wait together for others to join in, what about starting with something really simple like coming to post on Connect once a day. You can say whatever you want. You can vent or tell us what the weather is doing outside your window. What do you think?

Jump to this post

gracemary I too have felt abandoned but I know that many here are wonderful people who help all of us get through this pain of depression. I was doing very bad when I came on at the beginning of the year, but I am now doing better just knowing that I have this outlet where people understand. It can be overwhelming after years of not being able to openly discuss with others how you are feeling without getting a negative response. Thank you for the courage it took to get on here and say something of your life. Feel free to come back when you can. We are all here in the same boat so we understand you gracemary.

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Haven’t posted in awhile and I’m sorry. I’ve been feeling so much better. The doctor took me off one of my blood pressure meds because I felt so tired and I have had a little more energy, but the greatest result is I’m not depressed right now. Go figure. I go back in next week for a follow-up and maybe some fine tuning. Of course I’m not running any races, but I’m 85 and didn’t expect to feel 20 again. LOL Also we’re planning to sell our home and move into a retirement community which is exciting to me. We have no family close by and feel this will be a wise choice. Of course, we hate to leave our home, but there are stages to life and we take it one stage at a time.

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