Long-term depression

Posted by anniep @anniep, Mar 8, 2017

New to the group; would like to ask how others find something to look forward to in life? At my age, there’s nothing to hope for, except death. I am a born-again Christian, so I know there is an escape from the physical pain and limitations brought on by illness, and escape from daily depression and motivation to continue. I try to remain active and do have interests, but sometimes the depression is too much. I have also realized when others say they care, etc., there truly is no one who means what they say. It’s “We care, so long as you just keep doing your job here, but don’t bother me – but we love you!” I’m old enough to know this is not true, but a method to keep a warm body in a position to get a job done. One of my 92 year old neighbors happily moves along, although she tells me almost all her friends are gone, etc. I can’t ask her what motivates her. How do others have hope for anything after their families are gone and there is nothing else?

@anniep

Like @deev, I am the one people call for a ride to the doctor’s office or medical treatments, etc., and I really don’t mind doing anything for anyone, but it seems I have become the “go to” person for everyone, leaving me little time for my own work. I cannot seem to accomplish anything at home, then people call me lazy. It also appears I am the only church member who can “cook and deliver” (not true), as I am called on more often than others. Once I was requested to deliver a meal to a family and the caretaker family member who were all sick. I arrived as requested, about 4:30 p.m., only to find the “ill” caretaker had been shopping all day, returned home to drop off another family member, and had gone back out to finish shopping. Not too ill, was she? (I’m not physically able to shop all day!) There is a limit to how much one person can do, and frankly, I’m tired of being the one everyone calls when I am already exhausted, with my own work, house, and yard being left in a mess. (My illnesses are not visible; “But you look fine!.”) I appreciate all the uplifting comments from the people on this site, but there were no concrete suggestions I don’t already use. I am retired, but very active, do volunteer work in several areas, still do my own gardening and other work, etc. I am married, but unfortunately, to one who never matured. I did not realize he was searching for a housekeeper/mother figure before we married. As far as I am concerned the marriage has been over for many years, but he simply doesn’t see anything wrong with me carrying all the load. I am completely alone, but stuck financially and health wise. I can’t ask for counseling from my pastor, as he is only 35 years old and already knows all the answers! Honestly, he has no clue, and paying a counselor is out of the question. Our Employee Assistance Program has advised me they work with only one marriage counselor in our metropolis sized city. Seems to me that is an excuse to prevent employees and their families from using the EAP program. All of these dead ends is one thing causing the depression. I am thankful the Mayo Clinic Mental Health site popped up by accident and hope to find answers and assistance soon. A great deal of the depression is caused by side effects of some my illnesses, which are supposedly being treated, but have not improved. I do appreciate everyone who left a message of encouragement.

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Thank you, deev. I have backed off in the last several months.

@sharlynn62

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children…I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey….Sharon

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Thank you, Sharlynn62. No, no children; step-children who made my life hell for a long time.I suspect one of the reasons my husband chose me was for me to “finish rearing his children”. Bull. Should have been honest with me.

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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How are you doing today?
 

@sharlynn62

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children…I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey….Sharon

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Have either you or Sharlynn ever heard of NAMI? It is a non-profit
organization that educates the public and lobbies for laws concerning mental
health. They also have support groups. Just about every town has a NAMI office.
I took classes through them to better understand my bi-polar daughter. I found
this organization extremely helpful.
 

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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Thank you & you are right. That was 26 years,ago & we are still friends today. I'm very blessed.It's a,win-win about your friend and the soup she makes. I'm always tempted, also, to make a lot of soup. It's so fun to make, smells so good cooking, and just as easy to make more as less. So I also am glad to find friends who will eat it all up! Hate to waist. My grown kids invite their friends over and they help finish it off sometimes. Point is, we soup makers appreciate you as much as you do us!Consider her paid back already.(Yet if you still want to be generous to others, just to do it not because you OWE it, I won't stop you.Lol.

@tamara1967

@anniep, you didnt say how old you are, before or after retirement? Married?

I have been rediagnosed recently with atypical depression. I have pushed about everyone away in my life. Rejection hits me hard, ive gained over 60 pounds. My husband of 25 years wants a divorce because he thinks I’ll never get better. I had to take leave of abscence from my teaching job, my 2 grandkids whom i adore drive me crazy if they are here more than an hour. My 4 kids are grown, they call or text now and then but its always about them.
Btw i am 50 this June. I dont know how to go on either. I have been to the ER for panic attacks also and have a weekly counselor and monthly psychiatrist. I still feel like what is left? Why get up? My husband got me a dog as he travels some, but its just more work. Im exhausted and have no plans for a future, except alone and lonely. I dont even go to church anymore i just cant get up to go face fake people. I am not suicidal if anyone wonders.

I agree people say if theres anything you need let us know….i haven’t heard from Anyone since leaving work 5 months ago! And no one from church has called to find out where i went.

I had a great life, i dont know where it went?

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@kathyannyarborough Hi Kathy: Yes, “win-win” it is. Soup makers have a way of blessing the world! Teresa

@sharlynn62

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children…I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey….Sharon

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Hi @windwalker, thanks for bringing up the NAMI organization. It’s been a while since we have discussed NAMI on this forum. Their classes as well as support groups are very helpful! Teresa

@sharlynn62

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children…I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey….Sharon

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Windwalker, No, I have not heard of NAMI, but I will research it. Thank you for the suggestion.

I am just now new to this site. I am reading some posts regarding ideas for connecting, finding purpose, and essentially “getting out of” yourself. I have been there…and sometimes can sustain the optimism to make strides in that direction. It works like this: I walk 30 min a day for a few weeks. Then, either a person exhausts me, a situation happens, or I am triggered to sadness and I lose all.
It’s not that I will not try again when I build up again- usually in a few weeks.
The debilitating exhaustion and complete deep depression with anxiety feel that any options for feeling better are for later. This pattern repeats itself over and over.
Those that speak of finding a reason to push through the days I can relate to very much. The best I try for day-to-day is really giving love to my dog and watching the ducks and geese out the window. Nature can calm me, help me see how animals just keep awakening daily and get through until night begins again. They even make me smile through everything.
I wish for others a way to smile in these dark times.

Welcome to our forum 4loss….i am checking in just before a meeting ..so this is just a quick “glad you are here” message. I relate to everything you are saying. I have a mushy faced wrinkled full bred english bulldog who makes me smile every time i look at him! I am definitely on the day to day thing…as most of us suffering depression are. So you are among friends who really care…REALLY care. I have found that we special people have to think out of the box to find people to bond with…and the really strange and unique thing about this issue is that…the people i personally have found…are on forums such as this. Isn’t that peculiar? Being a people person….as in real live breathing human entities i can reach out and touch….it has been rather enlightening to find that i find more acceptance and concern and caring from virtual people in a virtual reality! I kind of joke about this online forum world…as an alternative universe…i’m only partially kidding….it just seems somehow wrong that…speaking for myself …..the people who inhabit my “real” world…are just not there for me. Yet the gentle souls i find on this forum, for instance…these are the folks who are “here”…..or is it “there”for me? Which makes me feel way more comfortable living amongst my living and caring people in my personal alternative universe!!

I am just having a bit of fun with these ideas and silly thoughts….it is kind of my quirky way of looking at my world and the unique characters who inhabit it physically and virtually. For me personally, i find that a bit of dark humor gets me through the day. (It also makes me seem strange and eccentric to others…which only makes me laugh more!)

Again, so glad to see you here…well…is that “see” you..or “read” you? Blessings to you 4loss. Stay with us and find a bit of fun, advice, opinions, and comfort and concern.

@4loss

I am just now new to this site. I am reading some posts regarding ideas for connecting, finding purpose, and essentially “getting out of” yourself. I have been there…and sometimes can sustain the optimism to make strides in that direction. It works like this: I walk 30 min a day for a few weeks. Then, either a person exhausts me, a situation happens, or I am triggered to sadness and I lose all.
It’s not that I will not try again when I build up again- usually in a few weeks.
The debilitating exhaustion and complete deep depression with anxiety feel that any options for feeling better are for later. This pattern repeats itself over and over.
Those that speak of finding a reason to push through the days I can relate to very much. The best I try for day-to-day is really giving love to my dog and watching the ducks and geese out the window. Nature can calm me, help me see how animals just keep awakening daily and get through until night begins again. They even make me smile through everything.
I wish for others a way to smile in these dark times.

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Welcome! Glad you have joined us. Like you, most of my good intentions only last for awhile and then something comes along to cause me to lose interest. Then I pick it up again. Maybe mine comes from boredom, I’m not sure. I’ve had a lot of different hobbies and enjoy a new challenge.
Hope you enjoy our group. 🙂

@4loss

I am just now new to this site. I am reading some posts regarding ideas for connecting, finding purpose, and essentially “getting out of” yourself. I have been there…and sometimes can sustain the optimism to make strides in that direction. It works like this: I walk 30 min a day for a few weeks. Then, either a person exhausts me, a situation happens, or I am triggered to sadness and I lose all.
It’s not that I will not try again when I build up again- usually in a few weeks.
The debilitating exhaustion and complete deep depression with anxiety feel that any options for feeling better are for later. This pattern repeats itself over and over.
Those that speak of finding a reason to push through the days I can relate to very much. The best I try for day-to-day is really giving love to my dog and watching the ducks and geese out the window. Nature can calm me, help me see how animals just keep awakening daily and get through until night begins again. They even make me smile through everything.
I wish for others a way to smile in these dark times.

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Hello @4loss and welcome to Mayo Connect! Thank you for joining in on the discussion. It sounds like you have found a lot of comfort in nature, that is wonderful. Several of our other members have an appreciation for nature as well. I also appreciate the perspective that you give regarding the ups and downs of moods and that not every day can be expected to be the same. I like what you said about the need of “getting out of” yourself. That is a good mental tactic that we can all follow. Feel free to share more with us as you like, we always welcome new members and new thoughts. Teresa

@georgette12 Your thoughts are delightful! Thanks for welcoming our new member, @4loss. Teresa

@sharlynn62

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children…I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey….Sharon

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You are welcome. The 12 week class I took was a real eye opener and I now
have a lot of patience and understanding for my daughter who has bi-polar
disorder.
 

@sharlynn62

anniep,I can completely relate to what you are saying, except for one thing.  I don't know if you have any children…I have one son who is getting ready to graduate from college and he is what I think about when I have thoughts of not wanting to be around.  I have chronic pain from osteoarthritis in my lower back and both knees as well as chronic daily migraines and I'm  plagued with constant hopelessness.   What works for me is focusing on one minute, one hour, etc. at a time and try to identify things I can be thankful for and every little accomplishment or good thing that has happened.  It is extremely difficult and typically, when I'm at home by myself, I spend a lot of time crying and cursing, but, I do what I can.  That is all you can expect.  I  have had to lower my expectations and "go with the flow" often because I never know when I'm going to have a good day or a day that's not so good.I hope you find some ways to cope during your daily struggles.  Believe it or not, there ARE a few people out there who really do care and I've encountered a hell of a lot who don't.  If you can find someone who's had similar experiences (like me) it's helpful for support.  You can certainly email me, if you like.Take care of yourself.  It's hard as hell to make it through each day, but you never know what might be ahead of you.  On the recovery  journey….Sharon

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Annie, I was attending a support group at NAMI; you can really learn a lot
from others when they share their stories. Sometimes you learn new coping tips
or even about someone else’s new meds working better…..plus, there is comfort
knowing you are not alone with these kinds of struggles. Hugs.
 

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