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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.
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Unfortunately I’m in the same situation as you. My husband was diagnosed earlier this year, but the memory issues have been gone on for a few years. I have support from my family and I go to a Va caregiver dementia support group 2x a month. I walk a lot and that helps me. There are local caregiver support groups via in person or online. I do both. Hope this helps.
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4 Reactions@ladybug31, that is such a hard blow that I know many members have experienced. Life interupted! MCI is not according to plan.
Are there some retirement plans that are still possible? Are you both retired already or are you still working?
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1 ReactionI am with you as are many on this forum. I am married 52 years also. My husband was diagnosed in 2023 but there were signs before that. Whether it’s still MCI - I’d like to think so but if I were not able to be his partner and guide 24/7, he might already need memory care or 24/7 caregivers. I will do this as long as I can with hired help, but at some point I won’t have the bandwidth anymore. Every day is a new ending and a new beginning.
I live in the moment with him.
We are on Day 21 of a road trip. I do all the arranging and driving but it’s been nice for both of us.
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9 ReactionsThis! I finally stumbled on it quite by accident “…wait as long as possible before telling him about them…”. My husband has always been very detail-oriented. Now that has morphed into obsession, as you mentioned. It is tough. I’ve found waiting till necessary to mention whatever it is does help. I find this site and all of you so very helpful. It is my safe space (though I am seeing a therapist). Therapists may have the education, the expertise and the theories, but you all are living this, along with us!
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6 ReactionsI have a garden so I go outside when I’m really angry or upset.
Being outside helps a lot.
Writing in a journal helps a little
When he sleeps (which he does a lot) I try to sit quietly for a little while ( can u meditate ?) I Try to remember All the ways and times he’s been there for me and think of us as caring partners. But really, it’s just very hard
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10 ReactionsI am living with the same issues. I also have sought therapy. My spouse has CKD and heart issues. I belong to three book clubs 2 at the local library and one with a neighbor. They help me think about other things than the frustrations at home. It is adult company and a short time to give me a break.
He naps every day. During that time I read or sit outside in nature. I can honestly say my housekeeping is not good BUT I have learned that sometimes I need to put myself first.
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11 Reactions@tryingtimes10
Your post truly resonated with me as well. I have felt all of the same emotions: sadness, anger, grief, and frustration. I feel very alone at times and don't want to burden our children who have such busy jobs and lives.
In the quest to live in the moment I have found a couple of tasks that are helping. I began helping my husband (has mild ALZ diagnosis) with journaling as my therapist suggested. He has found this to be a great help. When he sees a friend or hears some new from a family member, he writes notes including date, day, and topic of conversation. I also have a white-board that I write our daily schedules on and that seems to work for now. I am so much more patient if I do something for myself every day. I walk 3x per week, go to the gym 2x per week, and play MahJongg. I am blessed that he doesn't seem to mind if I am away for a few hours. There are days when I get down when thinking about our lives now, but mostly I am grateful for the friends and family who stay in touch. We all do the best we can...