Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Just wondering: Can you just water down her alcohol? Little by little she may not notice. But if it is beer, than would make it difficult. I am not a drinker so this is just a thought.

It is comforting to read everyone's comments and know that I am not alone. I cannot vent to my friends because they just end up disliking my husband. He was diagnosed with MCI in 2003. He continues to decline a little each year. He can't really caring on a conversation because he cannot follow a thought. He was a highly intelligent engineer and it is difficult to see his inability to process basic information. I realize now that his inability to process is partly due to his lack of memory. He has been struggling to read "On Tyranny" by Timothy Snyder. It is a very short book and to the point. But he can't relate because he doesn't remember any American history or people in the past that have shaped our Country. He doesn't want to give up until he understands but I cannot keep explaining over and over again without losing my mind. He is like a bulldog and just can't let go. It is really troubling when he gets like this. Do any of you experience something similar with your spouse?

Yes, it is all so hard. Having had to deal with this with my mother (who ended up with full on dementia, nursing home placement and she passed a year ago) to now having to start all over with my spouse (very early MCI); at least this time I have a clue. So glad you have a therapist! I have been working with a great therapist for 4 years now; it really helps to have a "safe space" to off load all the emotion and to be heard without betting down family and friends with this.

Perhaps audio books are better, or "Ted Talks" short and interesting; and you pick simpler things. Also, the trying to explain things is just a source of frustration for you both. Try as best you can to divert to something else, or try to say I do not know and walk away. My mom was hard of hearing -- refused hearing aides -- when she'd get into such a loop; I'd say "oh, my cell phone is ringing and it is in the other room." That gave me a reason to "walk away for a bit." My mom, lived with us so it was a 24/7 thing until a nursing home placement had to be made for her care and for my sanity.

Having an aide (maybe a buddy, friend aka aide) come a few times a week to give you respite can help too. Go out with friends, talk a walk, go to the movies; anything to take a break if you can.

Sadly, preparing for what comes next with a licensed elder care attorney is a good idea. Get all the paper work, documents, account details (online things too); so you can step in and take over when the time comes.

Best of luck, take care of yourself. Ask friends and family for help when needed. Hire help too. Nothing prepares anyone for this, so do not beat yourself up when hard decisions have to be made. Hugs

It sounds like ore than MCI to me. You need a better and more recent diagnosis, if only so you'll know what you're dealing with. Explaining and repeating things over and over in hopes that your husband will finally get it is pointless. You can't fix him so you much do what you can for yourself so that you can cope. Get your wills, power of attorney, health power of attorney, etc. lined up and begin investigating residential options. Taking actions like these will make you feel less helpless and will save you lots of headaches down the line. Good luck and be patient--with your husband and with yourself. Easier said than done, but find someone you can pour your heart out to.

Yes, I'm in the same boat. I try to live in the moment. Our day-to-day life is very good. We go for walks, or hikes, eat well and our love for eachother has deepened. The challenge is my peace of mind can be disturbed by the MCI memory glitches when they happen, seemingly out of the blue. As an example, we had a lovely day with some friends over the 4th. My husband did very well, conversing with others and enjoyed himself. We got in the car to leave and he had no idea how to get home. That was something new and it immediately brought a dark cloud over my head. It's the ups and downs that's killing me. I'd also love a support group for people with MCI. I can find listening or reading about advanced Alzheimer's is too depressing. I am by nature hopeful and optimistic and I don't want to give into thinking the worst case scenario. But like you say, running away sometimes sounds appealing ;). I live in Tucson and I wish I could find a counselor with knowledge about MCI. Thanks for listening.

I appreciated your comments about sharing this challenge with friends. On top of everything else, I have felt very hurt by comments by three close friends who displayed a real lack of empathy/compassion bordering on distain/disgust because my husband tends to repeat some of his favorite stories. We are talking about occasional encounters and stories of a few minutes duration. The reaction says more about them and their fears but it still hurts. I now avoid these folks. They know the diagnosis. I would never say such an unkind remark, especially to the spouse/carer. I am in the process of trying to make some friends who are kinder and more understanding, as I said in the beginning - on top of everything else.

My wife is on track with your
husband
in my 14th month

i am diagnosed as " overwhelmed with MY TIME for 3x workouts, going swimming - just GONE

Linda complains about LITTLE THINGS that sre i significant in the big picture!

Cannot run the ceiling fan in the kitchen.,.., she runs the lights what is permissible to be turned on. Our favorite restaurants are G O N E

dancing at the Eagles on Friday evenings when there is a good band - once at the end of April to renew my dues - never been back.

Told by my church i am "Disturbing the Sheep" for wanting a female companion to just do outside activities with.

Linda does not "comprehend" a simple sentence. Does not understand .... or she GETS DISTRACTED and interrupts with seeing a fly or seeing something move outside the car window.

And the neurology people came up with "mild impairment" from the CTscan.

And, now the paper testing follow the number then the next alphabet letter drawing a line, remembering words to repeat later, counting backwards, she PASSED 26 out of 30...... now Linda's new DETERMINATION IS RECOVERING FROM DEPRESSION

really? REALLY? They do mot want to see her until the END OF DECEMBER....

and, recovering from depression is OUTSIDE THEIR SCOPE!

I have no female in her right mind to talk with?
No person to go on walks, canoe, dance, baseball games, she did water aerobics MWF but this THIS is working out her DEPRESSION?????
Give me a break!
Such unfairness from the Medical World...waiting 5 months for a NEUROLOGICAL APPOINTMENT .... and THIS is what they say.

Unfortunately, if you haven't experienced caring for someone with dementia, you just don't understand. My husband was originally diagnosed in 2003. I find by venting to my friends is not a good idea. They end up not liking him and occasionally say hurtful things about him. Yes, I complain about him but I am allowed because I love him. So I stopped sharing things about him. Now, I have no way of venting. I have tried therapists but don't feel they really understand what I am going through. Yesterday I found this group. They have given me more help in one day then I have received in the past 20+ years. Even my children (grown adults) don't understand. Dad looks fine to them. He is active and is still functioning physically. What's the big deal? But he can no longer reminisce about much of anything in our lives. It really isn't the lack of memory that upsets me. It is lack of being able to process, reason and make simple decisions. But he has good days. Then I start believing he is okay and it is all in my head. But he is not okay and soon he will show me that I was in denial. I just need to accept the good days and enjoy them.

So sorry that you aren't receiving the help you need. I can be hard to diagnose dementia and its cause. Depression can be a symptom. That can respond to with medication. Dementia not so much. You know what YOU know. You don't really need someone to comfirm it. In the meantime, I would address the depression. That can help relieve some of the symptoms your wife is experiencing. I am not a doctor. I am just trying to give you other ways to think about it. Maybe it would help. It would be nice if you had a companion but that can get messy. Hopefully if some of the depression symptoms are relieved, your wife might be more interested in joining you for walks, etc.

Try letting him watch the history channel and taking the book away.