Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

@upgirl2013 We stopped traveling 2 years ago as it upsets my husband too much. Home is where he needs to be. I love to travel but won't go without him. For years he got so upset and angry when we would start packing for a trip. I could not understand that behavior until I began to see other dementia related behaviors. Some things that I have just recently learned.
If he needs to go the hardware store for some electrical tape-let him although he does not do any electrical work and never has.
If he needs to spend all day in garage organizing the garage, that is okay even though he has done that every week for the last year and we can't find anything.
If he talks through a TV show talk with him. Some day he won't be able to talk
If he wants cake for breakfast, that is okay too. Hand it to him with a smile
If he doesn't want to shower - I say that I am going to take a shower-and does he want to shower before or after me. If that doesn't work I tell him I bought him a new shirt and some new jeans and I want to see if they fit and if they don't fit I can't take them back if he tries them on before he showers. What I have learned is that I can say just about anything and he accepts it even if it does not make sense.
If the TV is too loud I can easily turn it down by telling him that I want to tell him something and he can't hear me. Once it is down he forgets that he wanted it louder.
He forgets to put his hearing aids in and I laughing told him a couple of weeks ago that if he does not hear it the second time and he does not have his hearing aids in then I won't repeat. The next day he didn't have his hearing aids in and I said something to him. The second time I just mouthed the words and he was watching me. He started laughing and told me I had to say it loud at least twice. We both laughed. I have to learned to tease him and play with him again.
Choose your battles--some are important and must be dealt with gently but must be dealt with. Others do not matter.
Don't fight it as you will lose. Acceptance was the healthiest thing I have done for both of us. I hope you enjoy your trip.

@2me I just recently started ordering groceries online and have them delivered. Thankfully he has no problem with that. He kept bringing home the wrong items . It has worked so far.

@lkbous if you couldn't deal with 1.5 hours of backseat driving, why are you punishing yourself with a 4 hr trip? Cancel and make excuses. If you had a child who screamed for 4 hrs , would you still think the trip was important?

@lizzabeth Thank you for your post. It made me think about all the small adjustments I have already made and reinforced my desire, again, to be more patient and loving. What caregivers class have you all taken? All the best.

@upgirl2013 We stopped traveling 2 years ago as it upsets my husband too much. Home is where he needs to be. I love to travel but won't go without him. For years he got so upset and angry when we would start packing for a trip. I could not understand that behavior until I began to see other dementia related behaviors. Some things that I have just recently learned.
If he needs to go the hardware store for some electrical tape-let him although he does not do any electrical work and never has.
If he needs to spend all day in garage organizing the garage, that is okay even though he has done that every week for the last year and we can't find anything.
If he talks through a TV show talk with him. Some day he won't be able to talk
If he wants cake for breakfast, that is okay too. Hand it to him with a smile
If he doesn't want to shower - I say that I am going to take a shower-and does he want to shower before or after me. If that doesn't work I tell him I bought him a new shirt and some new jeans and I want to see if they fit and if they don't fit I can't take them back if he tries them on before he showers. What I have learned is that I can say just about anything and he accepts it even if it does not make sense.
If the TV is too loud I can easily turn it down by telling him that I want to tell him something and he can't hear me. Once it is down he forgets that he wanted it louder.
He forgets to put his hearing aids in and I laughing told him a couple of weeks ago that if he does not hear it the second time and he does not have his hearing aids in then I won't repeat. The next day he didn't have his hearing aids in and I said something to him. The second time I just mouthed the words and he was watching me. He started laughing and told me I had to say it loud at least twice. We both laughed. I have to learned to tease him and play with him again.
Choose your battles--some are important and must be dealt with gently but must be dealt with. Others do not matter.
Don't fight it as you will lose. Acceptance was the healthiest thing I have done for both of us. I hope you enjoy your trip.

@lizzabeth Thank you for your post. It made me think about all the small adjustments I have already made and reinforced my desire, again, to be more patient and loving. What caregivers class have you all taken? All the best.

@lizzabeth A wonderful post that I can definitely relate to. Thank you for sharing. I feel like my once very well organized home has been turned upside down. My husband hides everything in fear that someone is going to steal what we have. He has sorted and packed and resorted and repacked his things in our bedroom so many times that it is difficult to find him clean clothes on a daily basis. I have to hide his underwear to make sure he has clean ones when needed. I use to get so angry with him, but now I just tell him he better make sure he knows where his clothes are…I’d hate to see him have to go to church in his birthday suit. 🙃 So far that has not been a problem. 🤣

@lizzabeth thank you for this!!!
We currently have 14 boxes of cereal stashed in our closet, multiple bags of almonds, and many other grocery items. He thinks “they” have done away with things, so must buy it while he can still find it. I need to not try to correct this, but we may need to build an addition to our closet. I know grocery shopping is the only thing he may feel he has control over. What you wrote is so very helpful. Thank you.

@labrown Love it. You soon learn how their thought processes have changed. My husband was so organized. He had a place for everything in it's place. Now all of his things are on part of the kitchen island i.e. all 6 pairs of his reading glasses in a perfect row, all 3 pair of his gloves etc. When he is in the bedroom or master closet I often go in an help him just so I know where he is putting things. The other day he came in and started complaining that the master closet cubbies were all taken by my things-only 2/3 of them. I cleaned out a bunch by his cubbies and now he has 21 of them and they are all empty. A couple of days later he asked me if I had thrown some of my clothes out. He then suggested I put some of my shoes in the cubbies-shoes I had put on floor when he complained about all of my things in the cubbies. Keeps you busy!

@snedakerj My husband has started excessive beer drinking out of the blue. Never did that in the past. On his phone all day long. He keeps telling me his cloud storage is full. It's not. Constantly said Social Security has all kind of food benefits. No
I just got home from work, and he told me the furnace in the garage is not working. We have a heated garage. I checked it out and he is correct.
I called the HVAC company, and they are coming out tomorrow.
I told my honey they are coming and he asked me why.
I just get used to it, not upset. I feel for you