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What about Me?
I am so tired, tired of dealing with all the groaning, moaning all day, every day even through meals which is making me not want to prepare meals or eat with H.
I understand he is scared as he has some understanding of what is happening to him mentally, but geez, it is not my fault. He gets mean and yells at me, publicly, like I am a child!
Friends are kind, but as others have said, we - him - are just not fun any more. I know some are afraid this will eventually happen to them. People we really don't know have tried to take advantage of him.
Heck, his middle daughter tried to get him to change his will to her favor when he was in the hospital last year. This daughter he really hasn't seen in almost a year, no birthday card or Father's Day card to him.
I understand the Calvery is not coming, but darn, it sure is difficult as more and more things go on. I am feeling very lonely.
Keeping up the house is difficult. We are just $300 a month from being eligible for various assistant programs.
The above-mentioned daughter has now started lying about me to her sister and brother. I have always had a good relationship with his eldest daughter since her and her father reconciled (over her changing religion before I met her, which no one in the family understood). The last few times I have talked to her she has been frigid at best. Seems the middle daughter is putting things out there that I am stealing their inheritance among other things.
This just floors me. I have had enough and don't need this with his family on top of everything going on with him daily. The door is starting to look pretty good right now and I can guarantee you that none of his adult children will help him out. None of them has done anything for us in the, oh, last 31 years, whether we needed help or not. His son has hit us up for $$ over the years, and the middle daughter's sons always have their hands out.
The truth be told, when I married their father some 31 years ago, he had a decent job but really had nothing. I had a house that was over 50% paid for, a paid off car, furniture. At that time he had just finished paying child support for his youngest son, who came to live with him after the child support stopped.
These people are starting to scare me. Right now I know what his will says, but I am afraid that if he gets enough pressure, he will cave to them.
This is part of me dealing with being his caretaker. It scares the begesus out of me. I did talk to a lawyer but I can only do things with items that are mine. It is not like we have a lot, just the house, the 8 yr. old car, and my furniture with a few pieces added.
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@janna2
What wonderful and heartwarming comments I need.
I have been talking to H and we are going to the orthopedic Doc. to see if they can do anything for his knees and hip.
He wouldn't do hip surgery years ago because the truth is, he was scared. After 31+ years of marriage I know how he thinks etc.
We have to do something or he is going to be house bound and even room bound. I will say it was a large argument to even get him to agree to see this Doc. I kept telling him it was this or a nursing home as I am limited in my own way as well.
RE his useless, self-centered daughter. I could tell you things she does that would curl your toes, including not inviting us to her one son's wedding in 2018. Why you ask? I have a piece of antique pottery she wanted I wasn't giving it up. It was from my G'Ma. So, as usual, she does real mean, cruel things. Years back she invited us for Thanksgiving dinner and then, before dessert was even served, got up with her sons and left to go for the early bird specials. We had no clue she was leaving until she got up to pack up the pie so we could take it home and she could get out!
As I say, when someone shows you what they are, believe them. Actions say it all.
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4 ReactionsWhen I tell someone that knows Jean and I tell them that she now has Alzhiemer's the common response is, "Oh I'm so sorry for Jean." This summer I spoke to a friend who's husband had Alzhiemer's and died and when I told her about Jean, she said, "I want you to know something, I know there is a special place in heaven for those who take care of someone with Alzhiemer's."
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15 ReactionsTHANanna2
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT
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4 Reactions@deniae
I'm an only child and after watching my husbands sibling claw at the leftovers after his parents passed I'm glad I make the decisions with only my cats advice😊
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6 ReactionsI’m with you, I am also a proud only child. Dealing solely as my Mom’s caregiver (my husband and sons are also very supportive). So much easier than to have to collaborate, coordinate and agree with a sibling.
However some days I really wish I had a sibling to vent to. Guess the Mayo Clinic Caregiver Community will serve as the next best thing to having a sibling.
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7 Reactions@elliottw
Those that haven't dealt with this have no clue as to what caretakers go through. It is not like someone having surgery and then starts the road to recovery process getting better every day.
With this, the only way our loved one's go is further down.
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6 ReactionsWhen I feel sorry for myself, now, and read how much worse it is for others on this site, I think . . . I better count my blessings, as plainly, it will progress to worse, gradually. But, definitely, if we keep our lives.
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4 Reactionspull cash out of the bank before payday to make sure you can qualify..alot of folks do this...
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2 Reactions@dederickve
Yes, but it’s also scary to hear about the ways things can spiral, for sure!
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2 ReactionsI had a doctor appointment on Wednesday and only let H come in with me because we both wanted to get flu shots and I don't like to leave him in lobby alone.
What a mess! Every time I started talking to Doc about my symptoms H would chime in telling him what my problem was. First I was piqued that Doc didn't tell him that he needed to hear it from me, but after the third time of him interrupting me, I told him, firmly that I was the one here to see the Doc and I would tell him what my symptoms were.
At that time H got indignant and telling me that I did this to him all the time, quite childlike and I didn't respond, just talked to Doc. What is important here is that I don't do this with him at his Doc. apts. I let him talk and only say something to H if he isn't understanding what the Doc. is saying.
H's constant butting in resulted in the nurse not sending my prescription to the drug store.
I can guarantee that H will never, ever come in with me again. Because of his childness, there were issues I didn't get to discuss with Doc.
Also, yesterday was my Birthday. H had brought it up several times earlier that week. Can you believe he actually forgot about it on the day? Silly of me to feel hurt. I mentioned it late yesterday evening and he had NO CLUE!
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