My husband has frontal brain damage from surgery.

How can we help?

I have done tracking devices but forgot wallet. I need better coping mechanisms. Mine are failing as it worsens. It been 5 years that since he had 7 brain surgeries for tension pneumacephalus. He survived but has frontal brain damage. Some days better than others. I just need a support group fir people like me that get it.

I have friends that try to solve when I just need to vent. They don't understand the challenges. I have found that they just sugar coat and think I am wrong. He looks the same but his thinking is different. My patience is wearing thin. Unfortunately to him I am the bad guy. I try to be patient but day after day i reach a point that I end up blowing up and breaking down in tears. This is my new norm and I am just worn down.

@lanulare he is not the person that you married and living with that is very hard. I had frontal brain damage from a TBI 33 years ago (fine now) and it changes you. Lack of initiation (not engaging), mood swings, and being stuck in your brain are difficult, especially if you become invisible to him. When people would joke about me being brain damaged I felt like someone was punching me in the gut because I had no buffer for the "jokes". It would be good for your to talk with the doctor/neurologist for a support group or counselor. Good also to find ways to escape before you vent, even if that involves staying with friends/family, because he likely won't be able to process your frustrations. I hope also that he is getting brain PT to relearn and rewire his brain. There are also councelors for brain traumas.

@lanulare I am 70 years old, and caregiving for my beloved wife of 47 years is the most emotionally difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I practice deep breathing and meditation daily. I read books and articles to her on subjects in which we have a mutual interest, and we try to find programs on TV that will make us laugh. We exercise together daily. We get out of the house as often as we can. But I get frustrated and impatient with her at times. On those occasions, I'm not as comforting as I should be, but I always feel bad afterwards and I feel particularly bad when I consider what happened from her point of view.

Give yourself some grace. Practice forgiveness: forgive him, and forgive yourself. Caregiving is incredibly hard, but remind yourself that what you're doing is incredibly noble and remember to give yourself a pat on the back from time to time. Also, see if there's a service, a friend, or a relative that can give you some time off. Just a free afternoon can make a world of difference. You're no good to anyone else unless you're good to yourself. God bless you and hang in there.

@kayabbott I thought my coping mechanisms were working. No one ever mentioned brain therapy to us. I think they thought he eas going to d I e and his dr us 3 hours north. I will talk to his dr next week about brain therapy .

@lanulare Some of the therapy is relearning tools, some of which we grew up with such as waiting, rather that reacting immediately to words or actions. Some is using games such as crossword puzzles (at which I suck, but cheating is OK), suduko, hobbies, whatever engages the brain. Meditation helps. Therapy or a support group for you would be good as well; caretaking is very hard and isolating. People don't understand how hard it is taking care of someone that is stuggling.

@gablou17 Thank you. I actually got him involved in pickleball. Going to learn majong. Relearning cribbage. Yes I need to cut me some slack. My mental health was not on the priority list and it now should be. I felt so badly after my meltdown. I know he don't mean it. I love him and it's just gets overwhelming. Biggest thing I am working on is when he demands my attention. Now I am loosing track of what I am doing. Maybe some me time will help. Thank you.

Caregiving is one of THE hardest jobs, especailly for a loved one. My son suffered a severe traumatic brain injury. When we came home, there were moments when I was in tears. Both my husband and I were in tears. He was wheelchair bound, no bladder or bowel control, unable to speak clearly, seriously short-term memory, couldn't eat solid food...the list was long. It seemed like he didn't care about us sometimes. I knew it was the pre-frontal cortex damage, but that didn't make it easier. Most people couldn't possibly understand--except parents who were traveling the same or similar path. I leaned HARD into my relationship with God. I found and savored ANY moment of joy like a dragon with a treasure. I let go of a lot of things I had no control over. It's been nearly 8 years since the accident and there have been a tremendous amount of difficulties. The hardest part is going through it alone. I will keep you in our prayers. If you want advice on things that we did to help our son, please let me know. Right now I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and you are in my prayers.

@marialara My heart goes out to you. I have none of those challenges and no children. I will pray for you and your family.