My husband has frontal brain damage from surgery.

How can we help?

I have done tracking devices but forgot wallet. I need better coping mechanisms. Mine are failing as it worsens. It been 5 years that since he had 7 brain surgeries for tension pneumacephalus. He survived but has frontal brain damage. Some days better than others. I just need a support group fir people like me that get it.

I have friends that try to solve when I just need to vent. They don't understand the challenges. I have found that they just sugar coat and think I am wrong. He looks the same but his thinking is different. My patience is wearing thin. Unfortunately to him I am the bad guy. I try to be patient but day after day i reach a point that I end up blowing up and breaking down in tears. This is my new norm and I am just worn down.

@lanulare he is not the person that you married and living with that is very hard. I had frontal brain damage from a TBI 33 years ago (fine now) and it changes you. Lack of initiation (not engaging), mood swings, and being stuck in your brain are difficult, especially if you become invisible to him. When people would joke about me being brain damaged I felt like someone was punching me in the gut because I had no buffer for the "jokes". It would be good for your to talk with the doctor/neurologist for a support group or counselor. Good also to find ways to escape before you vent, even if that involves staying with friends/family, because he likely won't be able to process your frustrations. I hope also that he is getting brain PT to relearn and rewire his brain. There are also councelors for brain traumas.

@lanulare I am 70 years old, and caregiving for my beloved wife of 47 years is the most emotionally difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I practice deep breathing and meditation daily. I read books and articles to her on subjects in which we have a mutual interest, and we try to find programs on TV that will make us laugh. We exercise together daily. We get out of the house as often as we can. But I get frustrated and impatient with her at times. On those occasions, I'm not as comforting as I should be, but I always feel bad afterwards and I feel particularly bad when I consider what happened from her point of view.

Give yourself some grace. Practice forgiveness: forgive him, and forgive yourself. Caregiving is incredibly hard, but remind yourself that what you're doing is incredibly noble and remember to give yourself a pat on the back from time to time. Also, see if there's a service, a friend, or a relative that can give you some time off. Just a free afternoon can make a world of difference. You're no good to anyone else unless you're good to yourself. God bless you and hang in there.

@kayabbott I thought my coping mechanisms were working. No one ever mentioned brain therapy to us. I think they thought he eas going to d I e and his dr us 3 hours north. I will talk to his dr next week about brain therapy .

@lanulare Some of the therapy is relearning tools, some of which we grew up with such as waiting, rather that reacting immediately to words or actions. Some is using games such as crossword puzzles (at which I suck, but cheating is OK), suduko, hobbies, whatever engages the brain. Meditation helps. Therapy or a support group for you would be good as well; caretaking is very hard and isolating. People don't understand how hard it is taking care of someone that is stuggling.