My frustration is off the charts

Yes, I would imagine we're all experiencing the same thing - based on the stage they are in. Yesterday for me was the same intense pressure cooker you describe. I'm not sure what we can do other than try to go to bed early, get some needed and "peaceful" sleep, wake up the next day, and go at this again, knowing, but hoping the day will be better. Their confusion is tiring; the worst part is they still hang on to what they know and do, creating more issues. Last night with the cell phone and PC, at our house - not in sync with each other - was exhausting and difficult. I'm not sure how to help other than to say: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. About the best you can do is not engage with him, when he gets angry. If you talk to him, go over to where he is sitting, so he can hear you better. If he needs a ride to the doctor, can you coordinate it with someone ahead of time. So, you get your much needed break, and you don't engage in a dialogue with him about "getting a ride." As for telling you you're making too much out of this, you just have to ignore what he says. Over time, I suppose as the progression gets worse, he won't be saying that. My husband is almost a year into his diagnosis too, and what you're describing is what I'm going through. It's been intense over the last few days, as all of this has become a long, tiring, extended day. I'm sorry for what you're going through; I'm sorry all of us caregivers are up against the fight of this horrible disease.
Best, Karla

My heart goes out to you and we hear you. Is he a veteran?

@slarson14 I saw your note, and wonder if he's a veteran, does he get additional support - that might apply to my husband?

@kjc48
Yes, the VA will provide support for family caregivers of veterans. Contact the VA to see if you qualify. I'm a veteran, but because my wife was not, there was no support for me as the caregiver - however, if I had been the patient my wife would have qualified for some support from the VA.

@kjc48 the VA has a wonderful caregiver program, not only do they teach you ways to handle your situation, they also have a support system and live classes you can take over your computer just for you, I’m currently taking art journaling which you can be creative and learn at the same time. I’m about to start wellness through qigong. If approved you can also get help with time away for a break or appointments.

thank you, all these little Godsend notes, from loving caregivers. Everyone on this site, makes a difference. Best, Karla

@fred1 Thanks so much for reaching out. Best, Karla

Yes. I do experience similar things…my husband has undiagnosed dementia— but life every day is filled with frustration because he gets mad at at me for his illness.
mad at me because of his deficits— im so sad he is going through this— but i am ‘not’ the cause— i wish i could tell him— “im just your wife, your friend, your caregiver,”. But all that would do is cause him distress because he is truely not ABLE to make sense out of whats happening inside for him right now. At times feel like he hates me, but i know hes just mad— mad at the situation but unable to process it for what it is, so i get the brunt. It’s actually quite heartbreaking to go through. I just haven't figured out how to insulate myself from the parts that hurt me so deeply. I am working on that though amd im hoping that this “stage” will pass. hes gone through other stages, cooking stages, where he cooked constantly, made huge unimaginable messes, making terrible tasting dishes that i had to eat—and then even went so far as to question me over and over about what seasonings that i had put into food that i was cooking at the moment— then if i did not comply—he was so obsessed— he would sneak back into the room to season my dishes without my knowledge (which were simmering on the stove) i caught him doing this both before it was too late and after he had already dumped his seasoning in…😳 this— surprisingly was really difficult— but that “phase” he was in passed over time. Now hes on to other things- my point is- it IS hard, and we get that— you are among friends here— and, the angey stage ge seems to be in, may very well pass. that seems to be common with these types of diseases— things change in time— so i hope that that is the case for you my friend. you are a good wife- a good person. and we are here to talk anytime as you navigate these waters. Many hugs.

I'm so glad to hear either the VA has changed or yourall's is better than ours was for my husband.. they mad my life a living hell..it was 2010 and he was a 100% DAV Vietnam Veteran. referred to another VA for a biopsy on spot in kidney.. the 1st vist (3 hrs each way) a lady came screaming out.." they're killing my husband.. we drove 5 hrs each way to get a test and they didn't tell him not to take aspirin...pancreatic cancer.." well.. they say my husband and said ..he's got kidney and liver cancer and it's metathesized.. didn't explain what that meant. come back and the Chief of Urology will have a plan in one month.. we did and waited 5 hrs as people went in ahead of us . he finally got so mad he was going to leave.. so I told them.. then we got this dr who asked "what can he do for us"...I asked "what is the plan??" He didn't know ..and I told him "you're NOT the Chief of Urology and our appt is with him" and he didn't have a plan .. come back in another month.. so now finally they said then next month " they guy is too scared to biopsy it" and then I call the PA in DC and VSM regional and left a heated voice mail .. he finally got a biopsy in Nov.. and this all started in June.. so I had him referred to the outside on Indian Health... he passed in June the next year ..was on Hospice 21 days and I had NO help except nurse once a day and "washing girl every day.. 24/7..alone ..got 2 breaks.. once to Walmart and once to the bank.. SEVEN years later.. I got a call.. they wanted to biopsy him NOW.. WHY>.?? well the pathologist in Fayetteville had been injecting himself with an undetectable drug and working impaired for 10 years.. and they had to redo 33 thousand!! The town Hall meeting were heartbreaking!! Veterans misdiagnosed and dying .. and the Acting head of the VA yelled at their wives. what a mess!! So one day a l day from the Washington Post in DC called..looking for widows to talk to .. none would..I told her "you've reached the right widow.. (I had filed a 9 inch binder entitled He was a man not a budget line item.. " (SF 95 wrongful death..) no results.. VA rules on themselves.. I asked for my husbands slide back (they keep them 75 years a) and they refused so I called the IG in DC and was going to NAGPRA his slid (Native American Graves Repatriation Act) which really mad the guy mad at the next meeting. I told him finally.." we are members of a tour of duty you can never unmderstand .. members of the "widows brigade" from which you can never retire or resign" ..so many things they did wrong on his case and they knew it!! I didn't want any money .. just advocating for better health care.. and the Congression Rep here and in AR involved..I guess I'm still mad ..I loved my husband ..no children ..he was all I had.. and he deserved better.. Army Infantry Vietnam Lai Khe 68-69 .. Big Red One . volunteer..."Dear John letter while he was there.." .and had PTSD ..I married him later (his 3rd wife).. finally he had a happy 13 years before he changed his address to Heaven.. I have to forgive them..God will handle it..God has my David now these almost 15 years..I still miss him!! He never got a "welcome home" and was spit on in uniform when he was stateside.. I salute all our Veterans!! My Daddy was a WW11 vet.. veterans deserve the BEST care!! Thank you Veterans for your service and sacrifice and your families too!! God bless the USA!!