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I was depressed as a kid, but had no name for my feelings. I knew I was different and actually hid out from everyone for hours at a time. I coped as best as I could and didn't really hit the wall until I was in my mid 20s when my 2nd marriage was floundering. I now realize at that time I was judging myself by whatever man was in my life. I was hurt, depressed and angry. I felt I couldn't be happy until a man loved and needed me (only me). That didn't turn out so well and it has taken my whole life to feel free of that need. However, I'm a people pleaser, even though I know this doesn't work either. I am pretty much a loner and some days are up and some down. I am usually the happiest when I have a new project or idea to challenge me. I have never spent real time with a councilor, other than my three week stay in the hospital. I was given insulin shock and hardly remember what we talked about. I only saw him a couple of times after the stay. I didn't know how to trust him either. I look at my depression as a disease like any other and cope as best I can.
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If you are refering to ladybugmg, I am 91 years old,had occassional depression when in my 20's due to heavy responsibilites and now and then since my husband died 12 years ago. I am proactive so if I feel sadness coming on I immediately take more time for mindfulness meditation. One thing I have learned is letting go of the past that was hurtful and try to focus on the happy days that I shared with my late husband. I also look for news on the internet about people doing good things for each other, even strangers to them. I also do research on the internet about the latest research about the brain and because of imaging they are coming close to solving the mystery about anxiety and depression.
You are a amazing lady. I
Thank you!
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Do you mind if I ask how old you are now? Are you on any meds?. You sound like you are trying hard to cope. Its tricky getting good medical help for these condtions. Unless you have the ability to pay large amounts of money for care, it is like assembly line treatment. You see your regular doctor every 3-4months rather you need it or not. They treat all their patients the same even though we are all different with our symptoms etc. I really miss good medicine. I come from a generation that grew up with good medical care. Our doctors actually knew our names. Not anymore. You are really on your own now. It is quite scary.