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I dropped out for awhile
I stopped commenting and reading for awhile. I have been in a real funk. It seems like everywhere I turn, the other shoe is dropping. I am still dealing with LC. I am so tired of it. I wake up everyday with fatigue and malaise. I have tinnitus, my feet and joints hurt most days, although not everyday. I believe that the depression comes from being so isolated. People do not understand, at least in my circle. I went from working a full time job, graduate school (online) and AA meetings daily to staying in my house. I am graduating in August, hopefully and I wonder how the hell I will function. I am hoping to get a remote position. I absolutely hate this virus. I will say that I received a reply from someone on a post I made awhile back. Thank you, you know who you are. It brought me back here...to you all, that understand. I am grateful. It has lifted my mood.
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@klf58 I completely understand. I find myself angry also, then I realize, as you do, that it is only making feel worse. I believe anger is a survival skill that I have utilized in place of fear. It is my shield. I had a real problem with rage when I was in active addiction and even after I got sober. I believe it felt empowering in a weird way, but was not helpful. I think it is so cool that you see that working so much is a trauma response. I do not know what you do for a living, but I am hopeful that when I graduate with my MSW, that I can help other people. I know that I tend to focus on others to not look at me. Burn out is a reality in social work as well. I do not want to do that. I experienced burn out at my last job. It was a toxic environment and I did not follow my intuition from the get go. I can look back and see that now. That is where my fear comes in a lot. I do not trust myself to know who/what to trust. I am getting there though.
As I said before, packing and moving is brutal, but you will get it done. Moving back here was almost so big that I could not see it becoming a reality. I will say, that I packed chaotically and did not remember what I put in what box, but got it done. I will also say that I still have boxes and plastic crates in here that are not unpacked and I have been here since 1/2025...But that's okay (I guess).
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2 Reactions@klf58 I am going to check it out. The more people that show up, the better. I was asked to be in a study at Vanderbilt. It is a double blind study, and it is compensated. I do need the money, however, when I read about the medication, I decided I just do not want to be a guinea pig and risk any further health set backs. Thank you for the link!
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1 Reaction@shmerdloff Funny, innocent story for you. My brother got the Steve Martin comedy album (Vinyl) when I was a little kid. One of his jokes that I won't forget...he said out of nowhere "Grandpa, bought a rubber!" Actually, he kind of sang it. I recall asking my mom, "what is a rubber?" Her reply..."Rain Boots!" I now know that was not what he meant. 🙂
Hi @diverdown1! I'm doing pretty good but I sometimes have to realize my limitations and adjust my day some. I think I gave my next door neighbor a scare when she saw my slowly moving a couple of 75-80 lb cement silo blocks up my driveway on a dolly very slowly.... take two steps, stop pull the dolly, repeat until I got to the top of my driveway. 🤣 We have a post office box downtown but the wife wanted to also have a mailbox for delivery for when she retires from the post office (hopefully next year or earlier). At 82 she is like the Energizer bunny. Hope you have a great day!
@diverdown1 Quick note before heading into office:
It was not my insight, but my therapist"s insight that workaholism is a trauma response and falls into the 4 Fs, with work being a form of flight. As long as I stay busy working I'm not thinking about my trauma. I am Native and I work with Indigenous communities on reservations where there is a lot of historical and intergenerational trauma.
Wow! That is so admirable and I love that you are helping people. Intergenerational trauma is so real and we are seeing it in so many communities. I admire that. I am not sure I can do macro work, but perhaps. I am doing my clinical field in substance abuse and mental health. I have to be so careful not to project as well as stay out of myself. I know it will take practice and will be a life long process. Thank you for what you do!
@diverdown1
A friend who was handy, was treating himself to a wet bar he was building in his downstairs.
In the middle, he got very sick. On his way back to health, his doctor asked him, "What color is your stool?"
His answer:
"TOURQUOISE"
We couldn't stop laughing for the rest of the day. This was 30 years ago and it still cracks me up
Tzwo Tzus, and one more Tzu. Sun, the War Tzu.
That's it! If you think or believe you are on the Right Path, you are
not. No right. No wrong. Everything sits on the head of a pin. Yes. Tolle.
@diverdown1, I’m hanging in there lol, it’s good to hear from you because I always read your messages, you always give great feedback and encouragement. It’s wonderful to make friends here that care about your concerns enough to help you feel better and not worry too much, thank you always, Frouke.