I dropped out for awhile

I too still suffer with LC. I don’t talk about all the ailments anymore, just accept this is me now :/
I have arythmia, shortness of breath, very bad fatigue some days, there is so much inflammation in my body. I also get heart flutters on and off, my temperature fluctuates.
I hear and see you. We will be ok💕

Hey @diverdown1. Welcome back to the fold! You’ve been missed. And kudos to the wonderful person who replied to you that sparked your return.
I’m so sorry that you’ve been in this overwhelming funk and in the ‘depths of despair’. I’m fond of that phrase. Though of course it isn’t just a phrase when one is living through it. I still ‘own the shirt’ from one of my wretched periods. But we humans or super humans, have the ability to claw our way back to the surface!

I’m rewatching Anne of Green Gables for the umteenth time over many decades. She often uses “depths of despair” to describe her melancholy during her teen years. Huh. A far cry from the reality of adulthood, debilitating, chronic illnesses, a world filled with insanity, and loneliness that can come with a change in health. Considering what you’ve been through and are now coping with and still possessing the drive to complete your graduate degree, you have an incredible spirit of endurance! That says a lot about you and your tenacity!
For you, covid caused an abrupt and enormous change in everything that was predictable. You’ve had to completely reinvent yourself, your daily life patterns changed, you’ve changed…and for that there is a period of mourning. Nothing is the same. So, my dear, you are admirable in your perseverance to continue your education and to come out a victor on the other side.

Congrats on getting your graduate degree in a couple of months! The finish line is near!! If you don’t mind sharing, what is your area of study?

I get it! (also, I got it LC heart problrms). If we were meant to be happy, then it would be our default state to where we return after being sad or depressed.
Instead, our base (default) state is low (call it depression) to which we return after being happy.
Why did our founding fathers include PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS as important as Life and Liberty?
Happiness is not a given. We are in the existential challenge of having to MAKE happiness, by our thoughts, words, and actions. We develop by doing this.
It is so subjective, based in part on what has meaning. Pictures of your family and kids (or boat) make YOU happy, but not so much to those to whom you're showing the pictures!
Stuff will happen over which we have NO CONTROL (like concentration camps?), except, as Viktor Frankl held, how we think about it,; and what we do about it. He found meaning in helping others. Maybe not happy, but there being MEANING IN LIFE got him through.
Instead of expending energy oscillating between sadness and euphoria (thank you Billy Joel), accept that it's all relative on a continuum, and there is no happiness unless there is also sadness. With that acceptance, we can find peace, which is more enduring than happiness
(Crazy Rich Asians movie).
This is not meant as a "Get over it, or snap out of it." Depression is real and painful. But it's in how we deal with it. 💌

Welcome back, I too noticed that you haven’t been around for a while, I’m sorry that LC is taking such a toll on your health, it’s truly a sinister virus. I’m sure you will get back your life soon, you have the determination and brains to fight back, here’s to moving forward, amen 🙏