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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
My husband was diagnosed with MCI in 2019. He is pretty independent, just forgetful of time, dates, location of places, anything electronic & events from our life together (we’ve been married 52 years). It’s all just getting to me. I find myself wanting to be alone so I’m not continuously reminded of these changes. Because my friends/family are out of state, working, or involved with their own families, I really have no one to talk to so I’m seeing a therapist twice a week to deal with the sadness, anger, grief I have over his condition. I just wonder if other women find themselves in this position & how they are dealing with it.
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You have captured some of the challenges very well. I, too, have learned not to discuss my husband with friends. I would like to be able to share some of my concerns and sorrows but I don't want to invite them to make harsh judgments about him. Among the many surprises of this journey, the unkind comments from friends has been a low blow. I can also relate to your comment about thinking this is "all in your head." Sometimes he seems like his normal self and then he tells me he has no idea how to get home in a small community where we have lived for many years. Those moments can be crushing. I am looking for a self help group for carers of people with MCI. Similar to this but we could participate via Zoom and see each other at least on the screen. We participated in the MAYO HABIT program for MCI and the support group for caretakers was life/mind saving. Good luck everyone and carry on!
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2 ReactionsMy spouse has gotten pretty angry as this disease progresses. He tells me what to do and when to do it. Mostly he has no idea that I have done certain things. I explain and he either gets angry or he thanks me.
I just went in to the kitchen and found his glasses on the floor. He is sleeping in bed at the moment. I also found an orange inside the garbage disposal. None of it makes sense. He does odd things most days. This disease will stress you out if you let it. No rhyme or reason for some behaviors. I have noticed he responds to different things everyday. He now wants Pizza everyday. If I say I will make something you like he tends to go with the flow. I cannot wait to find out why he did the orange and glasses today I don't want him to think he is not valued, because he certainly is. You have to laugh or you will end up being stressed out. He will call our son and say things that are not facts..but my son gets it and just will reassure me that he cares and loves us both! 🫂
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2 ReactionsMy husband has Alzheimer's. He was diagnosed a couple of years ago but he's been slipping for much longer than that. At first, I was annoyed by his behavior (repetition ad nauseum) but I was mostly angry at what was happening to us. The anger was bitter and not helpful but I think it's a normal part of adjusting to this new life as caregiver for someone who used to be a partner. Then I felt overwhelmed and helpless. What to do? What needed to be done? See a lawyer? Take over the finances? Take away the car keys? Now I've seen the lawyer, am up-to-date on the finances, and still allow my husband to drive to the places he's most familiar with. When the time comes, I'll take the keys, but he needs to hold onto as much independence as he can for as long as he safely can. The important thing for you is to find a support team, which could be just one person if you can talk openly and honestly to him/her. If not a friend, a therapist or social worker with experience dealing with dementia. This is so much harder on you than it is on your wife, so you must be proactive about your own self-care, and that means doing things differently than in the past. A place to vent is so important but be sure the person you vent to is sympathetic. You can't solve the problem, so advice can just be annoying. A patient listener is almost as essential as the doctor. Patience and courage. Good luck. It's a long haul.
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1 ReactionThat’s what I would like a counselor who can relate to mci? I don’t want to spill everything out I want to know what I can do to help myself .
I was diagnosed with MCI 15 mos ago. May i ask how long ago your wife was diagnosed?
Pam,
Thank you for sharing from your heart. Yes, i love Linda, as well.
I could welcome being in a Group like you just found. Maybe the Alzheimer's Location i received a phone number from a realtor.
I have not called - at least 8 days have passed since knowing the number.
and, i just left a church of 5 years b/c there were Believers in Faith that have dismissed us since Linda's decline. She is sitting on her sofa and I on the love seat. She is on her phone for reasons i cannot even explain.
I went back to a prior church in which 3 people remembered us.
BUT YOU ARE CORRECT .... to not discuss her condition ...and i ended by saying that Linda "just needs your encouragement (underscored) and prayers ...
What do you do to have some free time? Just like last Summer, time is marching on ....like trying to get on with summer while still dong everything at home?
Keith
Psalm 34
I get what you are saying about no one understands and you feel you have no one to vent the mcd to. My husband has parkinsons and i thought oh he will lose ability to walk. Now MCD. I am not sure which is worst tbe parkinsons or MCD. I tried to cover up and fill in the gaps for him when he was in a conversation and he didnt respond to who was talking to him. They didnt know and probably thought he was disinterested in the conversation. It is tough to navigate and find that we get so called, "ignored or left out". It is due to folks not understanding these disease or possibly they dont care since they are sooo busy living the dream. For me, it is isolating and i miss conversing with my husband and because of the disease he says very little. You would be surprised at the sound of crickets is about all we hear. His MCD has overtook the parkinsons in my opinion made parkinsons more challenging. Although he can barely walk at a turtles speed with the walker and me next to him at all times. Sometimes i am convinced that it is MCD dominating the parkinsons.